Book Description
Proven strategies for handling stressful situations calmly and professionally.
Difficult people are the ones who:
Make us lose our cool
Force us to do things we don't want to do
Prevent us from doing what we want or need to do
Use coercion or manipulation to get their way
Make us feel guilty if we don't "go along"
Make us feel anxious, upset, frustrated, depressed, jealous, inferior or defeated
Make us do their share of the work.
A difficult person, in short, is someone who creates difficulties for others.
Dealing with Difficult People is the revised and updated edition of the international best seller, updated to reflect recent changes in the workplace and designed to benefit anyone who has ever had to deal with angry, rude, impatient or aggressive people.
Roberta Cava draws on years of human resources experience as she:
- Explores the root causes of communication problems
- Reviews specific situations, such as workplace bullying
- Explains the reasons behind common personality conflicts
- Provides suggestions for alleviating problems
- Suggests ways to improve people skills.
Dealing with Difficult People offers proven techniques for working better with others, reducing stress and anxiety, and increasing confidence and enthusiasm in all professional relationships.
Customer Reviews:
Good book.......2007-07-14
I had the pleasure of sitting in on one of Roberta's seminars and meeting this very lovely woman. This book gives you some good tips and trick on how to deal with people that you may find difficult.
Excellent Resource!!.......2005-06-13
This book is so chock full of info on dealing with difficult people. It goes beyond the obvious and gets to the root causes of the actions some people take, and how you can best combat them. I would recommend this book for anyone. Not just business persons, but anyone dealing with the public. It can even help with interpersonal relationships.
A great book
Book Description
Dr. Paul Meier takes a look at how selfish humans are. Through light hearted episodes, Dr. Meier sheds light on how individuals act as jerks, how to become aware of manipulation, and identifying our own "jerk" tendencies. Don't Let Jerks Get the Best of You! provides laughs while at the same time showing ways to take control of our lives and build relationships with confidence, trust, and joy.
Customer Reviews:
Don't buy.......2007-03-25
The author spends the first third of the book simply classifying jerks into 3 categories - 1st degree, second degree and Nth degree.
When Dr. Meier gets into the core of his advice, he does not give specific advice in dealing with confrontational situations or "jerky" actions. It is more a book on codependency to jerks in relationships - spouses, parents, family members. His method is to find the root cause in your past to why people develop masochistic tendencies, recognize that source and then get better because you have recognized it. He also gives examples of his own jerky behavior and some basic advice on how not to be jerky.
Interspersed throughout the book are constant plugs for his Minerth Meier clinic, and plenty of anecdotal stories from his own life about all of the challenges he has overcome to make him the success he is and to change his own jerky ways.
All in all the title is deceptive. He does not provide any specific techniques for dealing with difficult people.
I would assess the content of the book to be 30% plug for Minerth Meier clinics, 30% biography of Mr. Meier-plugging himself--his successes in both overcoming his challenges and treating people in his clinics, 15% discussion of how not to be a jerk, and 15% discussion that people with masochistic tendencies develop codependent relationships with jerks and the cause for this tendency is the development of self worth in childhood.
Condescending and unhelpful.......2006-11-26
Every two seconds, Meier has to mention the "Minirth-Meier" clinics. Every two seconds, Meier has to talk about himself and his beliefs in God. For a non-Christian, this is a very annoying book to read, as it is positively littered with Bible thumping. I really do respect Christian beliefs, but if you are a non-Christian reading this book, you really do get tired of the repetitiveness of talking about religion. I tried to gloss over all the God and Jesus references and focus on what the book was trying to say, but I only got half-way through. I became very disgusted that I couldn't just read the book without having Meier's religious philosophies shoved in my face all the time. This book is aimed towards Christians. If you aren't one, I really wouldn't bother reading it.
The book makes some good points on masochistic tendencies and defense mechanisms, however. I don't find myself, however, discovering anything that I didn't already know or isn't obvious. As I mentioned, I got halfway through the book and am VERY tired of it. I don't feel he is writing about anything that your average person hasn't already figured out in the course of their lives and that it is just too heavy-handed with the religious stuff.
Diamonds in a Dung Heap.......2006-11-12
I picked up this book to help me through some problems I am having with a roommate. And it did nothing for me.
It contends that 10% of the world is mature adults, and everyone else is a jerk to one degree or another. It is full of made-up words based on the word "jerk".
"Don't" spends the first half in a made-up construction of three types of jerks, that may or may not relate to real life. The only statistics are not based on research of any kind. "Don't" doesn't tell you how to spot when someone is manipulating you, just tells you to spot it for yourself. It doesn't tell you how to stand up to a jerk, just that you should do so. It's got a few good thoughts, but so few and far between that it is not worth the read. You can find better info elsewhere.
What really upset me was having religion shoved down my throat in a text that did not make that agenda clear at all. It begins subtly enough, with a mention or two of the faith of the author. I accept that as part of the sharing process. But as the book went on, more and more of it was about Christianity. The author has every right to write about his flavor of Christianity, about his faith, or whatever he wants. But it did not contribute to the book; it just wasted pages. Finally, the "manifesto" for getting yourself to stop getting jerked around is so religiously oriented that it distracts from any relevant progress for non-Christians.
It's sloppy; the good ideas could have been condensed down to a pamphlet. Instead trees are wasted for chatter about his family in vaguely-relevant ways, senseless repetition, quizzes that go nowhere, stereotyping of non-religious people, and religious indoctrination.
I wish I'd never picked it up.
good idea, but author lacks objectivity.......2006-09-05
This book did start out very readable, however it soon became clear that some traits he considered "jerky" had no basis in harming another person but rather failed to meet up to his personal religious code. He continues on in various worksheets to give "jerk points" for not measuring up as a Christian.
The author also takes pretty much every opportunity to shamelessly plug his personal businesses. It's like watching a movie and having a Pepsi can zoomed in on every few minutes.
I really think it is a good template for a book, if the author could have done it from a neutral and respectful viewpoint religiously speaking (or clearly labelled it as a religious self-help book), and left out the self-promotion.
Great Basic Starter Book.......2005-08-23
A great book to get one started on the road to recovery from being a perpetual "victim". Lot's of tests and activities to help ascertain if they are invloved with "jerks", i.e. users/abusers. Also exercises to help one see their own unhealthy propensities.
The book helped change my life when I found myself in an unhealthy friendship, but was unable to understand how I had gotten myself into such a jam. I bought this book to try to understand why I was always getting used. It was not until half way through one of the tests in this book that I realized that the person it was describing was my own mother. I had always thought something was wrong with me, but my eyes were finally opened, and my life was changed for the better for ever, and now I can see Narcissists from a mile away. It also helped me deal with my own narcissitic tendancies I learned from my mother. I am now a healthier happier person, who is also safer and saner for those I love. The book is priceless, especially for Christians, but is also for anyone who wants to discover spiritual wisdom and growth.
I would also highly recomend another great book, "Boundaries" by Cloud/Townsend. I loved the revelation that God has well defined boundaries and He wants me to have them too.
Book Description
Between dealing with difficult people and navigating through unexpected and complicated situations, the typical day at the office involves making countless choices on how to engage with others. To succeed in the long run, good work relationships must be carefully developed and maintained.
A Survival Guide for Working with Humans presents real-life scenarios of specific work relationship problems, along with interactive quizzes, and answers on how to solve each of the problems. The book shows readers how to:
* Deal with ethical dilemmas in the workplace * Resolve everyday conflicts * Know when to speak up, when not to, and what to say * Make a graceful retreat from an unwinnable confrontation
A snappy, conversational style combines with dozens of practical tools and examples to make a fascinating, essential book.
Customer Reviews:
Applicable.......2007-03-09
If youhave to deal with any of these type people you need to read this book
A Waste of Money.......2007-02-06
This book has very simplistic ideas and lacks the constructive solutions that I hoped to learn. For example, her advice for dealing with people prone to explosive temper is "If you stay around someone and feel you are walking on eggshells, find ways to handle the eggs--and that person--more gently so the shells don't break." Reading her advice made me wonder what kind of education and experience she has that qualifies her to write such a book. Interestingly enough, there's very little information about that in her bio. It looks like her Ph.D is in journalism or English. I would love to send this book back and get my money back. I would probably spend it better on a book written by an educated, credentialed, psychologist who understands the difference between constructively handling people with behavior problems versus enabling them to continue to abuse others and make work life hades.
The Rodney King guide to the Workplace.......2006-09-04
This book is really great; I call it the Rodney King guide to the workplace because it really is about "Can't we all just get along?" And, if we can't....then it gives you the guidelines to follow to see heads roll, or sometimes, how to choose to lose your own head on the chopping block.
I like that it doesn't give a "pat" answer, but provides several best/worse case scenarios & allows you to think the problem out, hopefully BEFORE you encounter it. If you are in the middle of dealing with one of these treasured co-workers, then this guide will be very helpful in giving you strategy for dealing with the problem in a real life way.
Loved it!
Helpful for Anyone who Works with Humans.......2006-09-03
This book provides some very useful information that will assist any manager in helping their staff members to work better with each other. It is clearly and thoughtfully written. I highly recommend this book to anyone who works with Humans!
Definitely good book........2005-05-28
I like the stories in the book. Those are prime examples of people I saw and I'm seeing every day. The book is excellent for understanding different people and different situations in which you might interact with them. Obviously the book is written by someone who understands people's mind.
Average customer rating:
- Very short & general
- Should be called Dealing with Difficult Behaviours
- the difficlties of self-knowledge
- Don't be put off by the extreme sounding title
- Dealing With People You Can't Stand.
|
Dealing with Difficult People : 24 lessons for Bringing Out the Best in Everyone
Dr. Rick Brinkman ,
Dr. Rick Kirschner ,
Rick Brinkman , and
Rick Kirschner
Manufacturer: McGraw-Hill
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ASIN: 0071416412 |
Book Description
THE MCGRAW-HILL PROFESSIONAL EDUCATION SERIES
These quick reads, based on McGraw-Hill bestsellers, are designed to meet the needs of busy people. Titles in the series focus on each book's main themes and action ideas, reduced to a manageable page count for on-the-go readers.
Specific strategies for understanding the 10 types of problem people and influencing them to adopt positive behaviors.
Customer Reviews:
Very short & general.......2007-10-02
This is like a small handbook/manual to refer to after you've read a more in depth book on the subject. I wouldn't even call it a book, it's not very long at all.
It's not a bad read but if you have never read anything about "difficult people" before you'll find a LOT lacking. I think maybe it'll be good to refer to if you need reminders of the things you've learned.
A more comprehensive book on the subject which i have read and like a lot is called Coping with difficult people by Robert M. Bramson.
Should be called Dealing with Difficult Behaviours.......2007-09-12
I really enjoyed this book. The crux of it is that you are dealing with bad or difficult behaviour, not necessarily bad people. If you understand what drives the behaviour you can be more successful in dealing with it. It is also a good guide on what NOT to do. AND the book is not a weighty tome that drones on and on to prove a simple point ... it is nice and to the point. I was a IT consultant for 10 years working with many different global coporate companiess, and now run my own business employing 15 people. I can recognise each and every behaviour type. I have tries lots of these strategies for dealing with these behaviours (successful and unsuccessful) and a lot of this advice rings so very true.
the difficlties of self-knowledge.......2007-05-15
I found this book is quite helpful in identifying differing communication styles and in giving suggestions for how to deal with them. One of the major, salutary, insights is that each of us probably has a communication styles that irritate somebody, somewhere. Ouch! But recognizing that aspect of "the problem with OTHER people" gives us a better chance to improve matters. I liked the humor, too.
Don't be put off by the extreme sounding title.......2007-04-13
This is one of the best books about effective communication I have come across.
As a manager of a large teaching staff, and working for local government, I have found this book to be one of the best resources I own.
The book clearly breaks down difficult personality characteristics, identifies the motivation behind the behaviours, and gives clear strategies to deal with the situation. From the bulldozing boss, to the meek mouse, this book helps to bring out the best from the people you work with.
It's also effective with difficult friends and family. It is also very readable.
Dealing With People You Can't Stand........2007-03-15
Excellent Book. It gives practical tips in how to deal with difficult people. I am requiring my staff to read the book.
Book Description
With wisdom and humor,
Thank You for Being Such a Pain offers gentle and compassionate guidance for understanding and healing relationships with difficult people. By embracing four fundamental premises and putting into practice the author's many helpful and practical suggestions, you'll acquire the skills and insights necessary for turning around even the most troublesome relationship. What you need to keep in mind is that: (1) nothing in your life happens randomly and your difficulties have a deeper purpose; (2) frustration and even emotional pain are as necessary for your personal and spiritual growth as love and joy; (3) transforming enmity and completing unfinished business may be the most important skills you can learn in life; and (4) when you make an effort to work on your inner self, your outer relationships will be transformed.
This groundbreaking book draws upon state-of-the-art psychological principles and timeless spiritual practices from all traditions. Filled with enlightening exercises and entertaining stories, Thank You for Being Such a Pain will forever change the way you see the difficult people in your life . . . as well as the way you see yourself.
Customer Reviews:
If people give you heartburn, READ THIS BOOK.......2007-06-16
I read most of the first section with gritted teeth, since it sounded to me like the author was making excuses for bad behavior and invalidating my feelings. I highlighted sentences here and there that I felt were relevant and took the rest with a large grain of salt. But after I finished reading it the first time, was actively implementing his suggestions and seeing significant results, I started the book again and saw it in a completely different light. What formerly made me grit my teeth now made sense - it's not as much about them as it is about me and my reaction. It's also hugely about my perception.
The annoying people are still annoying and probably always will be. However, the practical suggestions in this book have helped reduce the annoying person's wear and tear on me. When I'm not all churned up over other people's behavior, I enjoy my life a lot more.
Now, I read a few pages every morning before I go to work and I'm on my fourth time through. The pages are wrinkly from highlighting and it's almost time to buy a clean copy and start over. I can't believe how different my days are and how I don't feel totally wrung out when I get home in the evening. I'm also actually starting to get along with people who used to really push my buttons.
I've purchased this book for three of my friends, who also thought it was awesome, but they'll have to write their own reviews. Thank you, Dr. Rosen!!!
Requires emotional maturity.......2007-05-24
It took me several efforts to really start digging into Thank You for Being Such a Pain. Though conversationally written, I had to adjust my scholarly mindset to be open to the author's diligent reiteration that the book is based on his own personal philosophy, which is by no means the voice of authority. Because of this, I suspect I would prefer to attend one of the author's presentations over the book alone. That said, the book is thought-provoking but requires emotional calm and maturity from the reader, and an openness to the idea that the number of difficult people in one's life might simply be all in one's head.
If you are a person in crisis, desperately searching for strategies to deal with a difficult co-worker, spouse, or friend, this might not be the first book you want to pick up; especially if your eyeballs are spinning in their sockets. If you're ready to calmly move beyond the sense frustration that grips your waking moments and you aren't opposed to having some scripture tossed into the mix, Rosen's book might prove helpful.
Beautifully Written.......2007-03-18
Yes challenging people create growth & opportunity for us. They may also drive us crazy or cause great suffering as well. Dr. Rosen's writing style & voice are both engaging & intelligent. It's a far more personal book than I would have at first guessed. I love this book so much I have purchased it twice & eventually friends in need of loving guidance have absconded with those copies. It is a remarkably thoughtful & intelligent book. One which you will find yourself returning to again & again. I only wish that in the 10 years since Rosen published this that he would please write another.
Difficult people force us to think and grow.......2005-04-30
_The central idea of this book is that there is a spiritual reason that we encounter difficult people (and that they encounter us.) As the author states, we are not on this earth just to have fun- we are here to refine our character, develop our talents, and contribute our unique gifts toward the greater good. Often this means that we are provided with the ideal foe- one that pushes all of our buttons. Instead of automatically striking back, we need to try to find out why this is so. That is why this book is so useful, for it not only lists every known way of trying to deal with another person that you have a problem with, but also with how to try to understand their motives.
_Still, to his credit, the author recognizes that there are those that are so unreasonable that we will have no choice but to cut them off- and perhaps warn others. You just don't do this until you have exhausted all other options. Also, it is recognized that it is healthy and normal to have extreme emotional reactions to difficult people (how many authority figures have you encountered that considered your anger a worse sin than the offense that triggered it?)
_I've come to the conclusion that the author is correct in his views. There are no coincidences in this life- not if we are sensitive and introspective enough to recognize and interpret them. Plus, the purpose of this life is to learn and grow- and often that means the pressure of conflict. In and of itself, conflict is not good- it is the effort to understand both your motivations and that of others that is of value.
_This book isn't a cure-all for interpersonal conflicts by any means. However it is a good basis for a "reasonable man's standard" to use with dealing with others. Don't be too upset if you encounter people on which the approach simply will not work. Personally, over the years I've notice that there seem to be more and more people who simply cannot see that they are violating other's rights- or they simply do not care. Maybe that is why we are here- to be a thorn in their side....
And remember- some people are merely different, not difficult.
Thank You book is a restorative gem-my story.......2003-08-23
I am finishing an internship position working under a supervisor whose leadership style was a mix of authoritarian/ laisse faire. Metaphorically, I was in boot camp/ either sinking or teaching myself to swim. I was weak with writing paperwork and it often resulted in my supervisor ridiculing me to the whole department. I sometimes had to stand up to the supervisor without unleashing my wrangling emotions. I had to be very clear, justify my actions and not hold resentment. In other words, discipline myself. This book gives the mentholated rub needed. It is very helpful. It is very instructional, offering lots of techniques, warmth, and beautiful insight into a painful situation. Yes it is a gem of a book. It allowed me to stay in the training and learn to be more effective and efficient. The big bonus is that I grew emotionally. I learned to sit more with difficult emotions.
Book Description
Theoretical and practical exploration of the causes and contexts of conflicts between people as well as solutions for handling them.
Customer Reviews:
Wading through sand.......2006-05-13
Hmm. Perhaps I was not in the correct mind set to read this. Perhaps I have read too many of this genre before and I am all maxed out - but the first half was a laborious read. Nothing snappy, notable, interesting or magnetic about the writing style, that's for sure. And instructive books DON'T have to be boring in writing style.
Some of the pscychology-based concepts were interesting, but there was nothing here that hooked me, drew me in, educated or inspired me. No "aha" moments - not a one.
And when I got to the part where Mr Keating ascribes difficult childhood behaviour to the parent, well, I'm sorry... this is when I had to put it down, and I'm afraid I haven't picked it up again. I was looking for enlightenment in a psychological sense, not subective opinion on parenting issues. Monsieur Spock, he is Not.
Overall, this was just average to me. I'll try it again in a year, but I do have a feeling that the spine of this book is going to remain pristine.
What A Gem!.......2005-10-19
This book was written over twenty years ago, and was quite popular for a time. I guess it "fell off the radar" for a while.
I was having some trouble working with people at my job, and a colleague recommended this book to me. It's still in print and available, thank goodness.
It offers straight, simple, down-to-earth advice about how people are as "difficult" as we might choose to define them. It is, knowingly or not, a great foundation and framework for an organization's diversity strategy. People are simply different. If we observe and respect these differences, and adjust our expectations accordingly, suddenly managing interpersonal conflict becomes easy.
Have a lot of fun using some of the practical suggestions in this great little book. Highly recommended...
Good Advice.......2004-06-18
I bought this book because I work with a really controlling, direspectful, condescending girl. The book gave examples of behavior types, good advice for dealing with difficult bosses, really does what all the other books do and has you take a look at yourself and your behavior too. It gives good end of section summaries, "what to do and what not to do"'s. I would write some of these things down, and I am trying to formulate a little list of things I can use in the hypnosis class I am taking. BUT, when it came right down to dealing with my toxic co-worker, I found that there are a few other books that hit the nail right on the head a little better then this one did. I guess I got the benefit of taking a look at my manager's behavior in the process, and helped me see a little bit of her stylings and ways to deal with them. She is the kind of boss who is very receptive to your wants, makes lots of promises, and never delivers. She is more focused on being everyone's friend then getting down to business. Hope this helps.
Dealing With Difficult People.......2000-11-08
This is a great book! I bought this book to deal with other people; I was in for a surprise with all of my own self-analysis. I am sure that I am a better person after learning so many new positive behavior tools for myself AND how to deal with other people's negative personalities! Read it for yourself and see.
Book Description
Packed with essential tips for today's competitive business world, these low-priced paperbacks are ideal for anyone interested in improving their business skills. Perfect for the briefcase or portfolio, these four new guides in the Essential Managers series are ideal for experienced or novice managers in companies both large and small. Having sold more than 2 million copies worldwide, these books are relevant to every work environment. Concise treatment of dozens of techniques, skills, and methods make Essential Managers the most accessible guide to business available.
Customer Reviews:
attitude is everything!.......2003-07-29
Dealing with a mulitude of personalities, politics and conflicts can be a daunting task on top of just trying to fullfill the requirements of a job. This book breaks down the causes of on-the-job conflict to manageable simplicity by categorizing co-workers and managers into 4 motivational types - the lone ranger, the sharpshooter, the professor and cheerleader; as well as defining their basic approaches to their work. The author then addresses various conflict resolution scenerios in which you may find yourself with these different types of people. I found this to be a very useful book based on a simple premise: Attitude is everything when you want to do any job successfully, whether you are part of a team or a manager. Some scenerios were also applicable to parenting school-aged children and helping them to improve academically. I liked the lean & careful organization of this book - the fundamental message is very straightforward stuff without a lot of fluff! Also recommend Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People."
attitude is everything!.......2003-07-29
Dealing with a mulitude of personalities, politics and conflicts can be a daunting task on top of just trying to fullfill the requirements of a job. This book breaks down the causes of on-the-job conflict to manageable simplicity by categorizing co-workers and managers into 4 motivational types - the lone ranger, the sharpshooter, the professor and cheerleader; as well as defining their basic approaches to their work. The author then addresses various conflict resolution scenerios in which you may find yourself with these different types of people. I found this to be a very useful book based on a simple premise: Attitude is everything when you want to do any job successfully, whether you are part of a team or a manager. Some scenerios were also applicable to parenting school-aged children and helping them to improve academically. I liked the lean & careful organization of this book - the fundamental message is very straightforward stuff without a lot of fluff! Also recommend Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People."
Okay! Some Good Tips.......2002-06-09
I think there are few good tips in this book.
so-so.......2002-01-13
This book is not what I expected--I had expected an approach from a theoretical point of view. Instead, this book offers a lot of "general" techniques/advices that I did not find particularly helpful. Furthermore, this book concentrates on scenarios in a work setting, rather than daily encounters, and perhaps that is also another source of disappointment. I felt a lot of advices are "common sense", but then I have some exposure to this kind of books. I would say if you have no working experience (hence have never confronted situations presented in the book), you may consider this book as a starter. If you are looking for something more, try some other book.
Excellent Referrence Guide & Cool Desk Tool.......2000-08-26
Keep on your desk, open & read a bit a day. A huge supply of quality concepts. jimgioiosa@softhome.net
Book Description
Dubbed the executive's new coach by Fortune Magazine , Peter deLisser teaches managers how to shut up and listen, how to make every conversation a sales call and even how to deal with a boss who's a screamer.
Customer Reviews:
not so surprising .......2005-04-26
there is some good points to known , but it is a bit long for the ideas developed inside.
Listen up and learn how to listen!.......2002-05-21
This is a surprisingly fun book to read. Peter deLisser's "in your face" tone is hard to resist. He hammers in each point and then repeats it again for good measure. His main point -- to which he dedicates at least one-half of the book -- is the importance of being a "responsible listener." Listeners are made, not born, he believes. With practice and knowledge, you too can become a great listener -- and oh boy, the places you'll go then! Seriously, the tools and techniques in this book are very good and helpful not only in business but in personal relationships. The art of listening without reacting defensively is a real diamond in human relationships. It can turn many difficult discussions into experiences that bring people closer.
How to Listen..........2001-11-29
Most of our lives it's not uncommon to hear someone say "be quiet and listen...". Or perhaps it was "you're not listening to me..." I know I have used those words many times. However, in all of the years (47) I can't recall receiving very explicit instructions on how to listen... Never see "How to Listen" courses or conferences. Have seen much written on how to speak etc. Perhaps I looked in all the wrong places. In any case I finally found listening instructions in a book about coaching. Go figure! The 30 pages on listening are what make this worth reading. One quickly comes to understand why it appears as if nobody is listening to you; only 5% have been trained to listen. One quickly learns listening technique which has been invaluable to my career and personal life as well. This one stays on the reference shelf!
A practical survival guide to communicating with humans........2001-08-14
The book provides a person with my background (a science nerd turned into a hi-tech manager) well founded, well explained and 100% scientific approach to business communications. It teaches HOW to take 100% responsibility for listening and speaking. It is easy to advice not to react emotionally to what other person says, and everybody does it in their books. In contrast, this book teaches techniques that make emotional reaction unnecessary, without any artificial self control. When reading this book I realized that emotions in response to what others say result from the lack of the kind of analysis the author suggests to do: evaluate the message as being valid/invalid, conversation as being equal/unequal, always know where you are in any conversation. Making this analysis a habit accomplishes two goals: it makes clear and explicit (illuminates) what is actually going on, and moves you to the analytical kind of reaction instead of emotional. The book helped me to realize that emotions often result from the fear similar to the fear people experience in a dark maze. The analysis presented in the book results in always knowing where you are in a conversation, illuminates the maze, and removes the fear and all associated emotions. The author also provides clear guidance and scripts for what to do and what not to do when listening, which also builds confidence and thus lowers the emotion. In the section on speaking I liked the classification of speaking (coaching, declarations), the structured approach to speaking, and examples and scripts that are provided. I found it helpful to always know what you are doing when speaking. Then I can take control, and take the 100% responsibility for the outcome. The conversation management techniques (goals, time, exits, getting attention and commitments) are also invaluable. Reading the book had immediate effect on all of my relationships (I have a wife, three kids, a job and a lot of friends).
Not Just for the Suits!.......2001-06-29
I am not an executive in Big Business; I am a theater professional, living in a village in the New York metropolitan area; I have a family; I am a pro bono community activist. Mr. deLisser's techniques are useful in all quarters of my varied life.
From trying achieve consensus in a rehearsal process to motivating committee members of a library board, Mr. deLisser's system works. The reader will also find the book helpful in domestic communications from the kitchen to the bedroom.
I can highly recommended this book
Customer Reviews:
The author is a true jerk expert.......2003-01-03
Dr. Paul Meier is the co-host of the nationally syndicated radio show "New Life Clinic" and has written many books. His personality on the radio is condescending and now I have discovered why--he's a jerk. And he has written the book to prove it, entitled "Don't Let the Jerks Get the Best of You."
The idea for this book is great--dealing with the jerks you come in contact with. But during the reading of the book I discovered two things: first, he is really trying to get at the jerk within YOU, not in others. That's fine and he certainly convinced me that I'm a jerk at the highest level, but it didn't do much other than make me feel bad that I'm a jerk. It didn't help me much in dealing with others.
Second, he proves himself to be the utmost jerk through his constant claiming that he's NOT a jerk anymore! He gives three "levels" of being a jerk (everyone falls into one of the three categories), and of course he claims that he may have been level two at one point but now he is the lowest-level jerk. He even calls himself a "good guy" who "doesn't mean to do wrong." So when he mistreats his wife or kids or patients, he excuses it away as being meaningless since he doesn't intend on hurting them. Can't he see that INTENT may have nothing to do with it? A person who backs their car into your car may not "mean" to do it, but that is not an excuse! They need to deal with the consequences of their actions (admit wrong, pay for damage, etc.) and he fails to see the need to do that!
He then goes on to claim he has some "weaknesses"-- such as the fact that he like to pay for others meals or that he likes to spend all the money he makes on others! Wow--what weaknesses! He tells of how he invested lots of money in bad deals and the IRS charged him penalities--he again claims he was a well-meaning dope! Even in his proclaiming his weaknesses he comes across as a #1 jerk, not taking responsibility for his actions but claiming ignorance. He also humbly brags throughout the book (as he does often on his radio show) that he's a great husband and father and doctor--yet he tells stories of how he ignores his kids (one of his kids ran away from home as a teen), doesn't follow through on what he tells his wife, and he constantly pushes drugs. You would think the guy is a drug company rep if you listen to him on the radio--his solution to just about every psychological problem in life is drugs!
This is a frustrating book. The IDEA of it is great. But it's mostly about Dr. Meier being a jerk and him lording it over the rest of us. The solutions are few. This book needs some good objective editing and rewriting before it will be of value to those of us who are dealing with jerks every day,
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