Book Description
Imagine a young boy who has never had a loving home. His only possesions are the old, torn clothes he carries in a paper bag. The only world he knows is one of isolation and fear. Although others had rescued this boy from his abusive alcoholic mother, his real hurt is just begining -- he has no place to call home. This is Dave Pelzer's long-awaited sequel to A Child Called "It". In The Lost Boy, he answers questions and reveals new adventures through the compelling story of his life as an adolescent. Now considered an F-Child (Foster Child), Dave is moved in and out of five different homes. He suffers shame and experiences resentment from those who feel that all foster kids are trouble and unworthy of being loved just because they are not part of a "real" family. Tears, laughter, devastation and hope create the journey of this little lost boy who searches desperately for just one thing -- the love of a family.
Customer Reviews:
The brave boy.......2007-05-25
I recommend this book because it is very interesting,and you do not want to put it down.In the book, I learned that I have a good life and that I should be thankful for everything I have after seeing what Dave has gone through in his life. I would read another book by this author because all of the books are sequels and at the end of each book you are left hanging and wondering what will happen next. These are some things about the The Lost Boy.
Dave's story helped me during really tough times........2007-04-18
As a foster parent who accepted only one child at a time, I needed all the inspiration I could get. Dave's story not only inspired but also encouraged me. It is full of truths that make us aware of how blessed we are. Anyone who is interested in helping abused kids should read this book. With Great Mercy author.
The story continues.......2007-04-14
Dave Pelzer gives a wonderfull account of his experiences of foster care in this sequel to A Child Called "It": One Child's Courage to Survive. In this book you begin to see the transition to a "normal" state of being, but it is not without it's problems.
My Hat Goes Off To Dave Pelzer.......2007-04-06
All of Dave Pelzer's books are absolutely by far the best books I have ever read. I couldn't put them down!!!
Best book!!!.......2007-04-06
Do you want to know how it feels like to have your parents not love you? Well thats how a little boy named David (the main charactor) feels in this story. David Pelzer is a young teenager who only wants the love of his parents, but his mother, doesn't love him... She keeps David in the basement, and she rarly ever feeds him!!!! Once David id put into foster care, he has to go to court, and the judge gets to chose whether to keep him in foster care, or to release him back to his parents. The judge chooses....... Well to find out you have to read this amazing book.
Dave Pelzer has written more books besides this one.. The Lost Boy is part of a three-part series... That includes A Child Called "it," The Lost Boy, and A Man Named David. I really think that Dave Pelzer is a great and wonderful Author.
This book will really make you cry and become very mad at the same time.. If parents read this book they will see what some parents really do to there kids. I would extemely recomend this book to others, becuase it is an adventure of one boys determination to find love. I think this book wouldn't be a good book for kids under 13, becuase it has some pretty foul language in it and they might not understand what is happening. When you start reading this book, you won't want to put it down until your done reading it..
Average customer rating:
- Some insights into borderline behavior
- Very important for therapists to read
- Fantastic Insight Into Motherhood Styles
- So much info, and so little
- Precise, Readable, and Validating
|
Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship
Christine Ann Lawson
Manufacturer: Jason Aronson
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback
 Child Psychology
| Psychology & Counseling
| Health, Mind & Body
| Subjects
| Books
| Development
| Psychology
General
| Psychology & Counseling
| Health, Mind & Body
| Subjects
| Books
Mental Illness
| Psychology & Counseling
| Health, Mind & Body
| Subjects
| Books
Pathologies
| Psychology & Counseling
| Health, Mind & Body
| Subjects
| Books
Personality
| Psychology & Counseling
| Health, Mind & Body
| Subjects
| Books
Social Psychology & Interactions
| Psychology & Counseling
| Health, Mind & Body
| Subjects
| Books
General
| Mental Health
| Health, Mind & Body
| Subjects
| Books
General
| Social Sciences
| Nonfiction
| Subjects
| Books
Dysfunctional Relationships
| Family Relationships
| Parenting & Families
| Subjects
| Books
General
| Parenting
| Parenting & Families
| Subjects
| Books
General
| Psychiatry
| Specialties
| Medicine
| Subjects
| Books
General
| Psychiatry
| Internal Medicine
| Medicine
| Medical
| Professional & Technical
| Subjects
| Books
Look Inside Health Books
| Trip
| Specialty Stores
| Books
Look Inside Nonfiction Books
| Trip
| Specialty Stores
| Books
Look Inside Parenting Books
| Trip
| Specialty Stores
| Books
Look Inside Science Books
| Trip
| Specialty Stores
| Books
All Titles
| Qualifying Textbooks - Fall 2007
| Stores
| Books
Medicine
| Qualifying Textbooks - Fall 2007
| Stores
| Books
Nonfiction
| Qualifying Textbooks - Fall 2007
| Stores
| Books
Parenting & Families
| Qualifying Textbooks - Fall 2007
| Stores
| Books
Professional
| Qualifying Textbooks - Fall 2007
| Stores
| Books
Similar Items:
-
Surviving a Borderline Parent: How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds & Build Trust, Boundaries, and Self-Esteem
-
Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care about Has Borderline Personality Disorder
-
I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality
-
The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook: Practical Strategies for Living With Someone Who Has Borderline Personality Disorder
-
Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting over Narcissistic Parents
Accessories:
-
philosophy hope in a jar daily moisturizer
ASIN: 0765703319 |
Book Description
Some readers may recognize their mothers as well as themselves in this book. They will also find specific suggestions for creating healthier relationships. Addressing the adult children of borderlines and the therapists who work with them, Dr. Lawson shows how to care for the waif without rescuing her, to attend to the hermit without feeding her fear, to love the queen without becoming her subject, and to live with the witch without becoming her victim.
Customer Reviews:
Some insights into borderline behavior.......2007-10-05
Those who have read my other reviews will not be surprised to find that I give this book a mixed review. I found the book full of insights into my and other conditions. But there were also some things that caused me a bit of heartburn...
On page 50 the author states: "Psychotherapy for the adult borderline is a lifelong need and provides structure, insight, and management rather than cure." Note that she does not say "I think psychotherapy for the adult borderline..." Thus she avoids (I think) the pain of putting herself somewhere closer to being on the same level as a "borderline" person, and elevates her evaluation closer to being one of "objective" truth. That fact that probably most current therapists would agree with her makes this "objectification" easier. She does not seem to accept that any "cure" depends not only on the level of pathology of the patient, but also on the appropriateness of the treatment and the skill with which it is carried out. A better treatment might have a better chance of coming closer to a "cure." She provides the patient little to hope for in this direction.
On page 51 the author quotes Susan Vaughn's book "The Talking Cure" as saying that long-term therapy "reroutes the brains neurons and creates permanent changes in self-perception." This appears to allow for a contradiction to the statements on page 50, I think.
On page 95 the author says: "Borderlines who have suicidal tendencies evoke powerful feelings of guilt and fear in family members, as well as in therapists." Although this statement is probably *usually* true, it appears to put all the burden on the borderline person. "Borderlines evoke..." In any interaction between a patient and a therapist there are TWO people involved. Not all therapists would *necessarily* react to such a borderline person with feelings of guilt and fear. The borderline person's fear may evoke pre-existing fears in a therapist. It may not. The therapist MAY find herself separate enough from the patient to realize the difference between them.
On page 159 the author quotes Linehan with what I assume is approval as saying that borderlines should not be viewed as different classes of people:
"It is by making these individuals different in principal from ourselves that we can demean them. And perhaps, at times, we demean them to make them different. Once we see, however, that the principles of behavior influencing normal behavior (including our own) are the same principles influencing borderline behavior, we will more easily empathize and respond compassionately to the difficulties they present us with. [p. 26]"
But immediately following this is something that I found puzzling; the author states that "Children of borderlines should not be led to believe that their experience is normal. Borderlines *sense* that they are different and deserve validation of their suffering." Well, yes, but the placement struck me as a bit incongruous coming immediately after her evoking Linehan's indication that the difference was not "fundamental".
I think it is useful for the therapist to enjoy the separation between herself and the patient. I see too few therapists who do this.
Very important for therapists to read.......2007-09-26
A very well written book on a subject that is difficult to understand and difficult to work with in counseling.
Fantastic Insight Into Motherhood Styles.......2007-09-20
I knew my childhood was not normal. Now I know why. It makes forgiving much easier when understanding the whys and wherefores are clarified.
So much info, and so little.......2007-09-15
Unless you have a master's degree in psychology, you may find this book alarming. Suddenly you will be diagnosing everyone you know, including yourself, as a borderline.
Lawson should have dedicated a chapter to OTHER personality disorders, and mental disorders such as depression, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia, so as not to confuse us.
This is a good book for people who have been DIAGNOSED with BPD or who are struggling to deal with others who are. It's not a tool for amateurs. But it's somewhat of a good start.
Precise, Readable, and Validating.......2007-08-26
Christine Lawson writes about the mysterious and confusing mental illnesss known as Borderline Personality Disorder, or BPD. Friends and relatives who are close to BPDs are usually the only people aware of some personality imbalances. Those at work or in the community usually think otherwise; that the BPD is a "go-getter", or a high achieving individual and committed passionate community member. What makes the ups and downs of anger, self-centeredness, and reclusiveness so difficult to bear is that BPDs are so adept at hiding their dysfunction from the public. Even counselors or judges are often deceived by their intense survival skills, which are linked to some childhood trauma whereby they overcompensate for fears of abondonment. The results are broken and damaged relationships, controlling and manipulative mothers, and disallusioned children and familty members. This book is a must read for any family member coping with a mother with emotional dysfunction. It should be required reading for therapists and lawyers and judges who work in family law. Informative and well articulated, this book lays out an indepth understanding for the laymen and professional alike. Extremely helpful and a must read for persons coping with mental health involving separation, child custody, or family relationships in general.
Book Description
Every day headlines are filled with examples of narcissistic individuals in positions of power who are nothing more than impostors plundering and wrecking havoc on the lives of others. From the corporate moguls of Enron and WorldCom to the clergy leaders of the Catholic Church, we daily encounter narcissists and the self-serving systems that enable them. Helping people reclaim their lives from this sinister exploitative force is the mission behind Payson's book, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family. Using simple metaphors from the American classic, The Wizard of Oz, Payson illustrates how Dorothy's journey captures all the seductive illusions and challenges that occur when we encounter the narcissist. Empowering the reader with the ABCs of unhealthy narcissism and the unique problems that occur when a person becomes involved with the narcissist, Payson gives step-by-step practical tools to identify, protect, and heal from these destructive relationships. Largely un-addressed in the psychology and self-help literature, this ground breaking book offers hope and help to those who have been drawn into these devastating relationships. She includes illuminating case studies that identify the problems that occur in the different types of relationships, from co-workers, to friends, to parents, to lovers. Readers employing these insights and skills will find new abilities to identify and protect against the narcissist's manipulations and take back control of their lives.
Customer Reviews:
Lightbulb moments!.......2007-10-05
The recent demise of a particularly confounding romantic relationship sent me looking to purchase my very first "self-help" book. Most of the time, people make sense to me. However, a year's worth of WTF? with this person really had me confused, as I'd never met someone quite so self-obsessed, empathy-free, and with a hair trigger temper if his knowledge/opinion was questioned. This book was really a lightbulb moment for me-- it really put into context not only his confounding behavior/actions, but also my inexplicable responses/behavior that were, frankly, not the me I thought I was. It's been an eye-opening experience to understand the overt narcissist/co-dependent relationship, and to see how I have been in this same dance (in subtle and not-so-subtle ways) a number of times with friends, family, and at work. Some of these relationships I could (and did) walk away from. For those that I feel I can't (family, co-workers), this really gave me the knowledge to understand the dynamic and deal with it effectively, rather than continue to get emotionally caught up in the situation and, ultimately, give the narcissistic personality the "knee-jerk" reaction that s/he thrives on.
The reviews really sold me on this book, and I certainly was not disappointed (in spite of my cynicism). Very well written, very highly recommended!
Helpful but specific.......2007-10-02
A friend was brave and wise enough to tell me she thought my adult sibling has this disorder. For years our family has been wondering about my sibling's difficult personality, focus on self, and lack of compassion for the rest of us. We have been living a life of self-blame and wondering what we did wrong. Receiving a "diagnosis" of NPD is like someone finally opening the window in a very stuffy room.
This book is good, but it makes for slightly more difficult reading than books such as the more colloquial _Help! I'm in Love with a Narcissist_. However, if you already know for sure that someone has NPD and are looking for answers to "what do I do?" instead of the "why," a book on setting boundaries might be more helpful--most books on NPD end up pointing you in that direction, anyway, but without much guidance themselves on the subject.
Unfortunately, most books on NPD (such as this one) seem to be about one or more of three relationships; an NPD: parent, boss, or spouse/significant other. It may be difficult for those of us who don't fit this mold to glean useful information from books which break down the NPD person into specific roles.
I also question the author's advice to write a letter to someone with NPD. A parent and I have been in correspondence many times with my sibling, and have always been surprised at how easily my sibling can misconstrue the written word, only to turn it around into a quick (or long) attack. Writing to my sibling is a scary endeavor. However, that's hopefully the only advice that seemed like it might backfire so severely, so most of the book is truly helpful and informative--especially if this topic/diagnosis is a new one.
Wizard of Oz, & other narcisists.......2007-08-07
Straightforwardly laid out with a crystal clear logic. I only wish I could have read this book 20 years ago. It would have saved me much heart-ache & confusion.
Narcissism, a how (not) to book.......2007-07-14
This book was a very in-depth study of the narcissistic personality disorder. It taught me how to recognize the pitfalls in dealing with narcissistic people, and how to manage your own behavior when embroiled in a personal/professional relationship with individuals suffering with this disorder.
Depends on what you are seeking.......2007-07-05
I am an adult child of a narcissistic parent. I found chapters 1 - 5 very interesting with a fascinating take on how different children within the same family can receive somewhat different abuse from a NPD parent and/or how those children respond to their individualized suffering. I found this book as helpful (but no more helpful) than the two others I had read in providing strategies to limit NPD abuse. From Chapter 6 on (roughly the last third of the book), the book was of limited use to me as it talked about having an NPD individual in an intimate love relationship or a social/professional relationship. I finished the book, but realized that for my purposes I had really finished it after Chapter 5.
Average customer rating:
- This Book Explained SO MUCH about abusive relationships
- I don't understand why he treats me this way. He say he loves me.
- important information for victims and advocates
- Best book on abusers - EVER!
- Every Woman needs to Read This Book!
|
Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Lundy Bancroft
Manufacturer: Berkley Trade
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback
Domestic Violence
| Abuse & Self Defense
| Mental Health
| Health, Mind & Body
| Subjects
| Books
Sexual Abuse
| Abuse & Self Defense
| Mental Health
| Health, Mind & Body
| Subjects
| Books
General
| Mental Health
| Health, Mind & Body
| Subjects
| Books
General
| Self-Help
| Health, Mind & Body
| Subjects
| Books
Abuse
| Self-Help
| Health, Mind & Body
| Subjects
| Books
General
| Counseling
| Psychology & Counseling
| Health, Mind & Body
| Subjects
| Books
General
| Psychology & Counseling
| Health, Mind & Body
| Subjects
| Books
Personality
| Psychology & Counseling
| Health, Mind & Body
| Subjects
| Books
Gender
| By Topic
| Psychology & Counseling
| Health, Mind & Body
| Subjects
| Books
Dysfunctional Relationships
| Family Relationships
| Parenting & Families
| Subjects
| Books
Similar Items:
-
The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to Respond
-
The Emotionally Abused Woman : Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourself
-
Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal With People Who Try to Control You
-
When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse
-
The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing
Accessories:
-
philosophy hope in a jar daily moisturizer
ASIN: 0425191656
Release Date: 2003-09-02 |
Book Description
"He doesn't mean to hurt me-he just loses control."
"He can be sweet and gentle."
"He's scared me a few times, but he never hurts the children-he's a great father."
"He's had a really hard life..."
Women in abusive relationships tell themselves these things every day. Now they can see inside the minds of angry and controlling men-and change their own lives. In this groundbreaking book, a counselor shows how to improve, survive, or leave an abusive relationship, with:
€ The early warning signs
€ Nine abusive personality types
€ How to tell if an abuser can change, is changing, or ever will
€ The role of drugs and alcohol
€ What can be fixed, and what can't
€ How to leave a relationship safely
Customer Reviews:
This Book Explained SO MUCH about abusive relationships.......2007-10-05
There were two messages that impacted me the most. First, that many things abusive men do to their partners are practically invisible due to the pervasive chauvinism and misogyny that is considered acceptable in our society. Second, the abusive and controling male needs to present himself as a puzzle that needs to be solved: it's a trick that keeps their partner occupied with guessing about what he'll do next instead of just leaving.
It was the hiding of their true agenda that kept me in a relationship with a couple of abusive males much longer than I should have stayed. I thought I could uncover what "really made them tick" by sticking it out with them. Then I figured that once I resolved the mystery of his disturbing, hostile and angry behavior we could live happily ever after.
This is the first book that helped me through my fantasy of believing I could "rescue" this kind of person from himself. I'd give it the highest rating for that alone. But there is so much more helpful information here that confirmed what I'd feared about them that I'd say this is a must-read for any woman confused about why she's not happy with her partner but feeling it's all her fault. Great as a gift!
I don't understand why he treats me this way. He say he loves me........2007-09-23
If you've ever asked that question, then this is a book for you. It is very comprehensive in covering the multitude of reasons and justifications employed by abusive, controlling men. These types of relationships are killers, and getting help is critical to your well being.
Emotional and verbal abuse were areas of great interest to me and includes degradation, humiliation, keeping in control in all situations, withholding information to maintain control, deliberately doing something to make the victim feel diminished or embarrassed, isolating the victim from friends and family, and employing great guilt to paralyze and immobilize the victim from acting in a healthy way.
The confusing and detrimental thing in my life was that the abuser worked in a capacity which protected the rights of victims. The hypocrisy of it had me in denial for sometime. Ultimately it took others to tell me I was living in a hell created by an animal who said he loved me several times everyday.
This book was a Godsend to me. If you even think you are in one of these relationships, read this book.
important information for victims and advocates.......2007-09-10
I work for a domestic violence provention and service program. I have given out hundreds of copies of this book. I refer to it often. One of the best books on the "why" that has been written
Best book on abusers - EVER!.......2007-09-05
I have recommended this book to countless people and time and again, they are amazed at what they read. It validates the crazy experiences they have endured with partners or ex-partners and helps them understand that they are not the crazy one in the relationship. They are being systematically manipulated and beaten down, emotionally, mentally and perhaps physically, and their power is slowly being taken away from them.
Lundy succintly explains how abusers operate to gain power over their partners, using a range of crazy making words and behaviors. This book changed the way I look at and relate to abusive individuals and helped me have less compassion for them - which is/was a healthy thing.
The only problem I have with the book is that it focuses mainly on men as abusers b/c there tend to be more men who are abusers. In my experience women can also be mentally and psychologically abusive to their male partners (and others) although they are less likely to become killers of their partners- as too often male abusers can. Women are quite capable of becoming entitled, demeaning and threatening toward others when they don't get what they want.
Still, overall, this is THE finest book on abuse/abusers I have read and I have read a lot of them.
Every Woman needs to Read This Book!.......2007-09-01
This is the BEST book yet on the subject of abusive men. The author knows and teaches about the BS abusers use to manipulate those around them and goes into depth (but not too deep) about their reasoning for such BS and helps the woman understand that she isn't imagining, making things up or whatever reason is given by an abuser to continue his nonsense. I'm buying many copies as presents for people I care about. The book worth every penny! Don't hesitate to purchase!!! My most heart felt gratitude to Mr. Bancroft for taking the time to write this important work.
Whether in an abusive relationship or not, EVERY woman needs to read this book if not for her own relationship, then to help a woman she probably knows who is in one or to avoid future abusive relationships. There should be a course in high school to teach students about this sort of thing and this should be the text book. I saw abuse already happening to young girls when I worked in our local school. It's time we got serious about stopping it instead of looking away. This book would go a long way to accomplishing that.
Book Description
Have you ever heard of your inner child? Well, this is the classic book that started it all. In 1987, Charlie Whitfield's breakthrough concept of the child withinthat part of us which is truly alive, energetic, creative and fulfilledlaunched the inner child movement. Healing the Child Within describes how the inner child is lost to trauma and loss, and how by recovering it, we can heal the fear, confusion and unhappiness of adult life. Eighteen years and more than a million copies sold later, Healing the Child Within is a perennial selling classic in the field of psychology. And it is even more timely today than it was in 1987. Recent brain research, particularly on the effects of trauma on the brain of developing children, has supported Whitfield's intuitive understanding as a psychiatrist. About HCI Recovery Classics HCI's recovery backlist contains some of the most important and best-selling works in the recovery field. These books are still sought after today, selling more than 100,000 copies per year. Our new line of branded books features expanded editions of our top recovery titles, new introductions, updates on pertinent recent developments in the field, and contemporary new covers and packaging.
Customer Reviews:
Not for the average person.......2007-09-14
I thought this was hard to follow and written more for a psychologist than an average person.
Thrift store book changes Janis' life.......2007-05-17
In a thrift store at Christmastime my daughter swiped this book off the shelf and tossed it in my basket. As one of the other reviewers of this book said, I had thought references to "inner child" work to be hokie and I never gravitated toward formal Inner Child Work. With 12+ years in recovery in AA, AlAnon,and Co-dependency I was completely surprised to find a true "layer of the onion" would be removed and that this book would be a classic form of "more will be revealed" (recovery slogans). I just ordered a copy for my cousin whose childhood mirrored mine. She too has been in a form of 12 step recovery for about the same time as I. I would caution someone new to "looking at themselves" to get a therapist first and/or at least some of Melody Beattie/Carolyn Mysse's work under way. This book digs very deep----to places I have been exploring for a long time. It would flip my PhD sister out who has never done any recovery work....the going "family opionion" is that the only problem in the family was my drinking. The family opinion is dead wrong. I am the lucky one, I had a visible disease channel me into a life of living in the solution, not the problem. Give this book a try!!!!!!!!! It was the best Christmas gift I got last year!
Finding Support on the Path to Healling From Abuse.......2007-03-10
Along with other books by Charles Whitfield, this book provides a sensitive, supportive path and permission to release your hidden child within, the child that guards your freedom and your soul, the child that guards the blossoms of your virtues and gifts that are waiting to grow you into the full person you were meant to be. It allows you to say, "I was an abused child. I grieve for the stunted paths I've followed because I could not find the way to say this soon enough and release the gifts that belong to me, and to STOP asking WHY (since a dead person can't answer), but to speak outloud: 'You did this to me and I did not deserve it. It was not my fault. And I am furious. I am finally furious for the crippled life I was left to lead, and the sick pain and depression that have been my struggle.' " Then you can bring forth that hurt child and weep with, rage wih, and comfort that child. You feel like a split personality for a little while but you will heal. You will find joy. You will never be sorry. I am 69.
Healing The Child WIthin.......2007-03-09
Used for my final project in my Psych course. Very helpful with showing stategies that can be applied to help those who have suffered during childhood. My paper earned an A+
bored me.......2006-11-02
this book may have helped others, but it severely bored me. i had and extremely disturbed childhood. this book was just too basic for me, i dont feel it was written very well at all.
Book Description
Millions of adults grew up with immature, self-absorbed parents who made their own children responsible for their physical and emotional well-being, expected admiration and constant attention, and reacted with criticism and blame when their slightest need went unmet. In this accessible book, psychologist Nina Brown helps grown children come to terms with the results of such an upbringing, including tendencies to overcomply to others' needs, withdraw when someone needs nurturing, and lack self-esteem. Through self-exploration exercises and protective and coping strategies, Brown helps readers work toward developing a "healthy narcissism" by identifying destructive patterns their parents may have had, evaluating attitudes and behaviors that may be hampering their own adult relationships, dealing with self-doubt and other negative feelings, and piecing together a more integrated sense of self.
Customer Reviews:
It all makes so much sense now! .......2007-09-05
The explanations and descriptions in this book demonstrate what happens between my mother and I. Now... so many things make SENSE! This book has changed my life.
Narcissists do not have children to give, but to receive. They do not see their children as individuals, but as extensions of themselves. Therefore, their boundary issues, the words they say and the things they do that has compromised your relationship with your parent for so long are now explained by Dr. Brown. She does ask that you get a second opinion to keep yourself in check - that you're not jumping to any conclusions. She also has exercises about yourself and your parent that help you to determine if you are a child of the self-absorbed. I would have to say that most of us KNOW it. Like if they've ever thrown a birthday party for you and invited all of her friends instead of yours. (sorry TMI)
Yes, as Dr. Brown states, it is true that that your narcissistic parent will not change. If your parent truly is a narcissist, you probably already know that trying to change them or even attempting to make them SEE & understand what you're trying to say often does more harm than good. Dr. Brown says from the beginning to not be tempted to share what you have learned about their personality disorder with them. This is because there are two sides to a narcissist - the grand, show-offy side, and then the other side, which consists of an impoverished self, with low self-esteem and a painful inability to ever see their flawed self, or to even be able to laugh at themselves.
The things that helped me the most was to learn that IT'S NOT ME - all those times I've talked / explained until I was blue in the face and she still didn't seem to understand what I was saying is finally explained to me. It has to do with the fact that narcissits do not have the ability to have empathy - to be able to stand in someone else's shoes and feel what they are feeling. Therefore, all those times you tried to explain, and they did not GET it now makes sense. It is not possible for them to have empathy, even if their words speak logically as if they do.
Also, to learn that they believe that everyone thinks the way that they do, and therefore, if they think something is wrong - then it IS wrong in their world. Oh what a relief to have this brought to light - what a relief to know that someone can explain it. It was also a great relief to learn about how they twist the truth around. They even lie. Yes, they know they are lying but they feel completely justified in the lie. This explains so much about the untruthfulness.
Another thing that was mindblowing for me was the part that dealt with this concept that narcissits project their negative emotions onto others, especially their children, in order to feel better. I have been absorbing her emotions from the time I was a child, and I feel that this is the core to my eating disorder. This explains why I have avoided my mother ever since my brother took his life last year. Although completely subconscious, I somehow knew before reading this book to protect myself from her; that she would project her intense negative emotions to me and I knew it would trigger my depression, and I can't afford that with my own grief and a family to take care of. But before this book, I was not able to explain to anyone why I could not be a comfort to my mother - only that she would trigger my depression. That much, I did know.
The best thing is - that 2/3 of this book (approximately) deals with helping those of us who have been raised by the self-absorbed. Things like learning to have things bounce off of us, deflective body language, and how to deflect their manipulation are examples. There are many options given, and although some of them seem impossible, don't discount them because there might be a situation that would call for this particular reaction. You will have to learn to field things.
Finally, one reads this book assuming that you do want to continue a relationship with this parent. Many people scoff at keeping a narcissist in your life. However, not every person is "all bad". Remember that. (Unless they truly are all bad, and too toxic to manage.)
And yes, there are some typos and gramatical errors, but this book is written with a great deal of intellect. There aren't too many, and they certainly don't get in the way of how the book reads or speaks to you. And about the bullets - another reviewer complained of them. Yes, there are many bulleted lists depicting characteristics, feelings, etc. Even if they are not appropriate, I feel that they help the reader to absorb and ponder each point given one-by-one instead of breezing through them too quickly.
If you were raised by self-absorbed parent(s), this book can help you, I have no doubt. As I said in the beginning - everything suddenly makes sense, from musty old memories to dealing with the parent today in adult life.
must have!.......2007-08-09
For anyone who has noticed their parent with self-absorbed issues, this is a must. This was the missing piece for understanding myself and my mother. It has helped me from passing on the same traits down to my child. It has been eye-opening to say the least.
Informative.......2007-06-27
Good to detect and recognize pattern from your parent(s) and thus explaining why you might react and act in a certain way when you grow older.
Many excersises to do that I opted out. Now at least I understand that I was right and my parent was wrong. It wasnt me that was wrng and that is the most important lesson for me to learn from ths book.
Author advised that you endure the punishment.......2007-05-18
This book advocates that the adult child put up with the abuse because the adult will never recognize their own narcissistic and abusive behavior. Since they are unable to change, the best we can do is adapt and change to accomodate their abuse. Poo on that! I got this book five years ago and following these guidelines simply enabled another lost 5 years of my life. No one should have to put up with such abuse. Ever. There must be a better solution - LEAVE!
Terrific-great insight!.......2007-05-14
I found this very helpful. It is written well, with advice on how to handle difficult people and situations.
Amazon.com
All parents fall short from time to time. But Susan Forward pulls no punches when it comes to those whose deficiencies cripple their children emotionally. Her brisk, unreserved guide to overcoming the stultifying agony of parental manipulation--from power trips to guilt trips and all other killers of self worth--will help deal with the pain of childhood and move beyond the frustrating relationship patterns learned at home.
Book Description
Are you the child of toxic parents?
When you were a child...
• Did your parents tell you you were bad or worthless?
• Did your parents use physical pain to discipline you?
• Did you have to take care of your parents because of their problems?
• Were you often frightened of your parents?
• Did your parents do anything to you that had to be kept secret?
Now that you’re an adult...
• Do your parents still treat you as if you were a child?
• Do you have intense emotional or physical reactions after spending time with your parents?
• Do your parents control you with threats or guilt? Do they manipulate you with money?
• Do you feel that no matter what you do, it’s never good enough for your parents?
In this remarkable self-help guide, Dr. Susan Forward draws on case histories and the real-life voices of adult children of toxic parents to help you free yourself from the frustrating patterns of your relationship with your parents — and discover a new world of self-confidence, inner strength, and emotional independence.
Customer Reviews:
Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy & Reclaiming Your Life.......2007-07-07
This book, for me, was very hard to put down. Reading other peoples' experiences and the results in their lives was heartrending and helped me feel less alone. The letters to parents helped me start to formulate letters to mine. This book was recommended by my therapist, and it has given me the strength to move forward.
I HIGHLY recommend it. Thank you!
eye opener.......2007-05-08
This book along with a couple of others on the subject have helped me to have peace with my hurtful childhood. I had pretty much adopted the attitude that I received the hand that I was dealt in life. Now I'm beginning to see that things could have been much better had I had parents who bothered to take an interest in me other than what I could do for them. The good news is I feel empowered to break the cycle and provide loving feedback for my children at all times.
"And you were wondering why...".......2007-05-01
It is rare that any of us grow up in "perfectly-parented" households; after all we're imperfect humans. Some of us have had really difficult, complex upbringings. Yet, we can move on and make the best of our lives with the help of information offered in this book. It opened a new vista for me, and parents should find it thought-provoking for their own relationships, especially in regard to both their parents and their children.
It was a great help to recognize the psychological types in my parents. For a couple of years in my adulthood my mother and I even "divorced" each other. Although we were not able to resolve all our issues before her death, we were finally able to function on relatively friendly terms in the last years of her life.
Although individual situations often warrant consulting a professional counselor, this book is an invaluable tool for identifying and recognizing the problematic traits, reasons for the behaviors, and ways to move beyond the differences, so you don't wallow in the blame-game. Depending on one's spiritual inclination, blame cannot be laid entirely on the parent. There may be karmic dynamics that call for healing.
E. A. Davis, author, Waiting for Wings: Accompanying a Parent to the Edge of Life
Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life.......2007-03-26
Perfect Item & Fast Shipping.
Self-help .......2007-03-24
Good book for doing self-analyis of one's childhood. Good start to moving foward and getting over the past.
Book Description
The struggle for intimacy is a complex issue, key to the happiness of every man and woman. It goes on for all of us as long as we live. To be intimate is to be close, to be vulnerable, qualities that are very different from the survival skills we learned. This book will help clarify the issues for you. You can learn to: Identify family myths to make you wonder whether having a healthy, intimate relationship is possible. Know the questions to ask to find out whether you and your partner have a long-term future together. Be aware of misunderstandings that can sabotage your relationship. Express your feelings and fears so as to avoid misunderstandings. Find our what to do when your relationship is not working. Create good relationships. Acquiring intimacy skills can be difficult, but through understanding and effort, they can be learned. This insightful book is a good place to begin.
Customer Reviews:
Educate yourself.......2006-11-04
This book helped me to understand my problems with intimacy. It made me aware of the stumbling blocks in the way. Couseling and good books to read on the subject have been so helpful. It will take time and discernment to deal with my distrust, but I want to get well and this book helped me make a plan.
Understanding Myself.......2005-10-03
Do not hesitate to read this book...it has changed my life. This book has rated a solid #1; the best self-help book I have ever read. The reason for how I act and react are exact. This book touched every area of my life from my childhood to adulthood. My experience with alcohol? Alcohol has affected every area of my life: alcoholic parent; drunk driver killed my mother, divorced an alcoholic after 30 years; now raising a child of an alcoholic parent. I am reading this book to my child now; my question to her.."is this helping you"..her response "that is exactly how I feel"..my response..."we can't change the past, but we change the future".
This fills in the gaps other ACoA books leave........2005-04-14
I have read a good deal on ACoAs, being one myself and having stuggled with the issues inherent in that. All the books make the general statement that "ACoAs have problems in intimate relationships," but none of them went into the whys and wherefores. This book fixes that. It is an easy read and cuts to the chase without going in to a lot of theory, so if you want to get to the heart of the matter, this is the book.
Handbook to AC behavior and solutions.......2004-12-04
I just finished reading the book "The Intimacy Struggle". I found this book to be a concise handbook to AC behavior and -- perhaps more usefully -- to approaches for couples to take in dealing with those behaviors. Because it's written for BOTH parties in the relationship, it's a good way for an non-AC (or less dysfunctional person) to learn how and why an AC person thinks and acts the way they do. When both parties have this knowledge, together they can use the approaches described in the book to work towards a healthy successful relationship.
It's a short book, just over 100 pages, so it's a fast read. It has a "handbook" quality to it, with AC behavior described in a sentence, followed by further description of the behavior and suggested ways to deal with it.
My story: as soon as I finished it, I handed it to the woman I've been seeing and she's reading it, and we are talking about our pasts and our current behaviors, and have already used the knowledge to avoid situations that could have hurt our relationship. What could be a better testimonial than that? Thank you, Janet !
Wonderful!.......2002-01-31
I found myself within the pages of this book! That is no exaggeration. Recently, I have noticed destructive patterns emerging within my failed relationships and searched for the reason behind this. Literally, until yesterday (I read the book last night), I had no idea what was causing my actions and the resulting actions from my former partners. Previously, I had minimized the long-term affects of my childhood experiences. Now, I see how this experience has touched almost every aspect of who I am. Identification of the problem is the first step to recovery. As an ACOA, I feel validated and on the path to recovery. God Bless Janet Woititz and my fellow ACOAs. Do not wait...start the healing process now!
Book Description
It is estimated that as many as 34 million people grew up in alcoholic homes. But what about the rest of us? What about families that had no alcoholism, but did have perfectionism, workaholism, compulsive overeating, intimacy problems, depression, problems in expressing feelings, plus all the other personality traits that can produce a family system much like an alcoholic one? Countless millions of us struggle with these kinds of dysfunctions every day, and until very recently we struggled alone. Pulling together both theory and clinical practice, John and Linda Friel provide a readable explanation of what happened to us and how we can rectify it.
Customer Reviews:
Not a very good book.......2007-01-09
Unless you are a child of an alcoholic or grew up in this type of environment, I would not recommend this book. There are other types of dysfunctional families but they are not discussed in as much detail as alcoholics.
Thank You.......2006-11-05
I have worked in mental health for about 4 years now. I am very good at what I do but came to realize that I have been too busy helping others rather than taking care of myself. All of this is pretty ironic to me. This book caused me to open my eyes and see that I have some issues that must be dealt with. This book has given me the motivation and courage to seek help. I never thought I was part of a "dysfunctional" family but could identify with many aspects of this book that really hit home and helped me understand what was going on a little better. As the author says it is very important to keep an open mind, be honest, and let go of our denial that acts only as a defense mechanism to cover up the underlying problem.
insightful.......2006-08-20
This very well written books offers insights about who we are as a person and why we are the way we are. I found the book very comforting because it reinforced what I was feeling inside. This book also gives advice about how to change. I think that even if you don't come from an "abusive" family you should read this book because I know that everyone can relate and learn from it in many ways.
Nobody teaches this stuff. Read it!.......2006-03-30
Excellent. A bit dated but timeless content. The beginning and end speaks to AA type meetings but it's not the main focus of the book, co-dependency is, which just about everyone deals with growing up. Quick read. There are a few short stories featuring animals that are sprinkled between the chapters, adding levity and a moment to escape and explore how the new information may serve you. My favorite, The Goose, whose parents told her not to leave the pond despite her feeling sick but she finally did leave and discovered she was right. The family unit unknowingly puts family members into positions and then keeps them there unable to see the dysfunction. Once one family member took action leaving the others behind the others eventually followed. If one family member is acting out and you don't know why it is not always the issue of the one who is acting out, look beyond, look to yourself first. Highly recommended.
wow.......2006-03-16
Illuminating and frightening. We all have baggage and until we find a place to safely store it, those closest to us are also burdened with it. The ideas in this book promote taking responsibility for our actions, looking into the motivations of those actions, and examining the source of our attitudes without placing blame on anyone. It's a great book about growing up to be healthy and facing one's demons without guilt. It's a relief to read this material and know that it's OK to feel a certain way, and even better to feel that healthy change is possible.
Book Description
Emotional abuse exists all around us-in families and work. Stalking the Soul is a call to recognize and understand emotional abuse and, most importantly, overcome it. Sophisticated and accessible, it is vital reading for victims and health professionals.
Customer Reviews:
Brilliant and Amazing!.......2007-07-17
Stalking the Soul has given me a new lease on life! The suffering I went through with my emotionally and verbally abusive husband over 25 years of marriage and three kids was so overwhelming that I almost lost myself. I kept forgiving and forgiving, adapting my behaviors to accommodate him, and contracting my own soul until I nearly disappeared. I look back with regrets not about myself, but about staying with him too long. This book gives the reader insights about the patterns of emotional abuse, the psychology behind it, and the way out of allowing oneself to be controlled by it. The book is brilliant and amazing - I can't recommend it enough!
Stalking the Soul.......2007-07-07
Before reading Stalking the Soul, I read two other books on emotional abuse (No Visible Wounds by Miller, and Why Does He Do That? by Bancroft). Each book is a jewel, a long drink of water in a dry parch of land. My favorite part of this book is that it has gifted me with a visceral understanding of what was going on during all those years of so-called "conversations" between abuser and victim. It always boggled my mind how our endless conversations were so convoluted and dishonest - ALWAYS in the best interests of the abuser. The chapter on Conversations ended my confusion. Also, I admire Dr. Marie-France Hirigoyen's courage in making it clear to other therapists that an abuser's victim needs to be counseled in a different way from other clients. My abusive marriage was not diagnosed for over 30 years by various well-intentioned counselors - an abusive relationship that I felt responsible for but could not mend. Instead I was told to "work on yourself!" which I did with great personal results; yet what a relief and how healing and freeing it would have been to have deeply comprehended years ago what I have learned from this book and the other two books - that I was in a losing proposition from the start by trying to make nice with an abuser, and that the first step is to get out NOW while working on our own development so that we will never again accept an abuser into our life. Better late than never thanks to one courageous friend who clued me in by suggesting one of these books. From there, book reviewers led me to additional books. After reading three "abuse books," I am emotionally free from a deeply, deeply damaging relationship, free from what I used to call codependency (and what he called "weakness"). Thank you to the authors, to my two interactive reviewers, and to my courageous friend for lending me your insights and for supporting me with your strength along my path into freedom.
An invaluable book.......2007-03-27
The other reviewers of this book have said it all. This book deserves ten stars. It is written with clarity and understanding. Stalking the Soul is not a pleasant read, and many will find it says great truths that some may not even want to hear. Emotional and psychological abuse is insidious, frightful and invasive.
I moderate a support group for abused people and I never tire of recommending this book to the members.
a different perspective.......2007-02-04
Liked the way this book was organized from abuse in couples, to the workplace, to the family. Gets inside the mind of the victim to show how insidious emotional manipulation and abuse is, and how even otherwise strong-minded women can fall prey to these sort of emotional vampires.Not so solution oriented, but when you think it's YOU who has gone crazy, this is a great wake up call to recognize what is really happening and may prompt people to get the help they need, which starts with getting OUT. There is no curing these people.
Amazing.......2006-12-07
Once I picked this book up, I couldn't put it down. In fact, everyone I handed it to had the same reaction, and even a close friend's therapist in Chicago ended up using it for a conference presentation when she introduced my copy to him.
The fact is, if you are a relatively strong woman, an educated woman, a fairly independant woman, a powerful woman, a woman who knows what she wants or any combination of these; then you NEED to read this book. It presents the facts of the matter, which is that when it comes to men, all women are vulnerable to abuse on some level, even the strongest and most independantly minded among us. It seems almost impossible to many of us, I am sure, since that was how I always viewed it. However, after a marriage that almost broke me, I realized I had allowed myself to become victim to something that was extraordinarily twisted. There was always a rational explanation for what had occurred, and it could always be viewed as my not taking full responsibility or control, when in fact, the only thing actually going on was the slow tearing down and deconstruction of my independace and my soul. This book addressed that very thing, the situation I could never give a name to, or put a label on. The reason why I always wished my ex-husband would just hit me in order to have some proof of the abuse that I could never point an actual finger at. It freed me from the never ending cycle of psycholgical abuse I had found myself trapped in, and it freed me from the destruction of self that was slowly occurring.
Again, I cannot urge women enough to read this book. While it may not be immediate pertinent to everyone, I believe that all of us have encountered this pattern before. While many of us may have side-stepped it, it's better to be aware than not, particularly since this is the kind of abuse that only an intelligent and articulate woman, aware of her rights as a human being, could find herself in.
Books:
- The Lost Colony (Artemis Fowl, Book 5)
- The Most Brilliant Thoughts of All Time (In Two Lines or Less)
- The Party Planner
- The Pipe Fitter's and Pipe Welder's Handbook Revised Edition
- The Psychology of Poker
- The Secret
- The Simple Solution to Rubik's Cube
- The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down
- The Taste of Night (Sign of the Zodiac, Book 2)
- The Ultimate Gift (The Ultimate Series #1)
Books Index
Books Home
Recommended Books
- Cisco Networking Academy Program Fundamentals of Wireless LANs Companion Guide
- The Not So Big House: A Blueprint for the Way We Really Live
- Small Nation, Global Cinema: The New Danish Cinema
- Swimming to Cambodia
- The Lord of the Rings
- To Catch a Predator: Protecting Your Kids from Online Enemies Already in Your Home
- Trees and Shrubs of New England
- Accounting Information Systems: Essential Concepts and Applications, 4th Edition
- Peachtree Accounting Version 8.0 CD-ROM
- The Secret Dreamworld of a Shopaholic
A Man Named Dave: A Story of Triumph and Forgiveness
A Child Called "It": One Child's Courage to Survive
The Privilege of Youth: A Teenager's Story of Longing for Acceptance and Friendship
A Brother's Journey : Surviving a Childhood of Abuse
They Cage the Animals at Night (Signet)
