Book Description
We have seen these children--the shy and the sociable, the cautious and the daring--and wondered what makes one avoid new experience and another avidly pursue it. At the crux of the issue surrounding the contribution of nature to development is the study that Jerome Kagan and his colleagues have been conducting for more than two decades. In The Long Shadow of Temperament, Kagan and Nancy Snidman summarize the results of this unique inquiry into human temperaments, one of the best-known longitudinal studies in developmental psychology. These results reveal how deeply certain fundamental temperamental biases can be preserved over development.
Identifying two extreme temperamental types--inhibited and uninhibited in childhood, and high-reactive and low-reactive in very young babies--Kagan and his colleagues returned to these children as adolescents. Surprisingly, one of the temperaments revealed in infancy predicted a cautious, fearful personality in early childhood and a dour mood in adolescence. The other bias predicted a bold childhood personality and an exuberant, sanguine mood in adolescence. These personalities were matched by different biological properties. In a masterly summary of their wide-ranging exploration, Kagan and Snidman conclude that these two temperaments are the result of inherited biologies probably rooted in the differential excitability of particular brain structures. Though the authors appreciate that temperamental tendencies can be modified by experience, this compelling work--an empirical and conceptual tour-de-force--shows how long the shadow of temperament is cast over psychological development.
Book Description
What are the effects of growing up in the shadow of the Holocaust? Drawing on interviews and survey materials, Aaron Hass provides a vibrant account of the experiences of survivors' children. Now in their thirties and forties, these men and women describe their relationships with their parents and offer their perceptions of the impact of the Holocaust on their families. They give voice to memories and feelings about which some of them have never spoken before. A child of survivors himself and a distinguished clinical psychologist, Hass writes about the lingering presence of the Holocaust in his own life.
Customer Reviews:
Excellent.......2006-11-03
I am one of those rare creatures: a non-Jew who is very interested in the legacy of the Holocaust on the Jewish people. In one place, the author states that Jews view the Holocaust as a Jewish tragedy, while non-Jews see it as another example of "man's inhumanity to man." This is a generalization. I see the Holocaust as complete devastation for the Jews of Europe with traumatic effects that extend to Jews in many other places in the world. This does not mean ignoring non-Jewish victims; Charlotte Delbo, a non-Jew, wrote a painfully honest account of her time in Auschwitz. But I do recognize that there was a difference between those victims who were selected for complete annihilation and destruction of their culture, and those who, while subjected to persecution as individuals and perhaps within their families, were not meant to be elimated from the Earth.
Plus, anyone who is familiar with the awful history of European anti-Semitism will know that the Nazis took many of their techniques, such as Jewish stars, denial of rights to Jews, refusal to allow Jews into professions or even speak to Gentiles, and ghettos, straight from Catholic (and to some extent, Protestant as well) treatment of Jews during the Middle Ages.
The Holocaust was uniquely horrific; I'm not doubting that. but it's cheap for Christians to absolve ourselves by saying it's "man's inhumanity to man," given the long legacy of anti-Semitism, forced conversions, murders, etc.
That having been said -
Hass is a child of survivors and a clinical psychologist who felt that the literature on children of survivors was too skewed towards pathology. So he interviewed adult children from the general public. He did not find the level of pathology that some other psychologist authors have found, but he did find heightened mistrust. He states that three words he heard from just about every person in his 48-person sample were: fear, mistrust, cynicism.
He directly takes on the complex issues of remembering the Holocaust, the guilt induced by many survivor parents ("for this I survived the camps?"), strong and sometimes conflicted feelings about Jewish identity, relations with the Gentile world, and passing on the legacy to the "third generation." He addresses the nightmares of being chased, being behind bars, etc. that many children of survivors have, while also realizing their good fortune compared to their parents, which often leads to considerable guilt due to having easier lives, while their parents suffered so much. Even those children who rebelled against their parents felt this guilt.
At the same time, children of survivors often did not have their own emotional needs met because their parents experienced an overwhelming lack of support in the years following the genocide, meaning that further indifference and refusal to hear about the Holocaust made mourning diffiicult and enhanced the sense that the world was against the Jews. There was often little energy left over to appropriately emotionally nurture the children, especially when survivors saw their children living out the normal lives that were denied to them. Conflicts resulted for survivors: they wanted their children to be happy and they also displayed signs of their extreme suffering, even when they spoke little about the Holocaust. This led to confusion on the children's part. I think the indifference of an uncaring world, that went right on without much notice that the Jews of Europe had been destroyed, played a large part in this continuation of suffering.
He writes with compassion, honesty, and understanding, and is honest enough to tackle children of survivors' conflicted feelings about Gentiles, which expresses their pain and fear of persecution without descending into racism, though he reports some prejudiced statements from some Jews, such as that all Gentiles will sell them for a loaf of bread. While uncomfortable for me to read as a non-Jew, such statements represent the reality of what many of the survivors experienced. Other children of survivors go out of their way to understand Gentiles and work on behalf of oppressed groups of all ethnicities, because they want to bring their sensitivity to persecution and willingness to fight it to the larger world.
The book concludes with some moving thoughts on the third generation as described by his relationship with his young daughter, Rachel. He describes the need for Jews, even children of survivors who often don't learn much about the Holocaust intellectually, to keep memory alive. And he asks for increased dialogue between children and their aging parents so that the children understand their parents' lives in context, though he expresses the hope that the parents will express their experiences in a straightforward way, without trying to induce guilt, which would only make the children more defensive.
An outstanding, thoughtful book - highly recommended for anyone who wants to understand the legacy of persecution and the resilience that allows people to keep living despite it.
THE HOLOCAUST LEGACY.......2000-07-29
Who better to write about the Children of Holocaust Survivors than a Clinical Psychologist who is a Child of Holocaust Survivors himself. The opinions and attitudes of Children of Holocaust Survivors are shared in this book. The truths that Second Generation Children hold on to become quite evident.
Book Description
“Remembering may be a celebration or it may be a dagger in the heart, but it is better, far better, than forgetting.”—Donald M. Murray
It is the hardest thing anyone can face—the death of a child. A tragedy that has affected millions also touched Donald M. Murray, Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist for The Boston Globe, twenty-five years ago. Now, for the first time, he fully expresses what he lost—and learned—in a book even more moving than his inspiring volume on aging, My Twice-Lived Life.
Lee Murray was Donald and Minnie Mae’s middle child, one of three girls. An avid oboe player accepted by a prestigious conservatory, the family “caretaker” with compassion for everyone, a young woman with a devoted boyfriend and the whole world ahead of her—Lee succumbed at age twenty to Reye’s Syndrome, commonly considered a childhood illness. In The Lively Shadow, her father remembers the hell of her passing and the healing it took him years to finally experience.
From hearing the initial news that Lee was in the hospital and the four harrowing days spent by her bedside, to trying to teach, write, and love others while grieving, to learning to live at last with only Lee’s memory, Donald Murray embarks upon a journey that is at once universal and informed by his own life’s details. Whether he’s feeling irrational guilt at not being able to protect his child or pulling off the highway to release a primal howl, the pain Murray feels brings him finally to a place of peace, an acceptance whereby he realizes “the most terrible experience in my life has also been a gift,” requiring “a continuous celebration of the commonplace.”
Unflinching in its honesty, The Lively Shadow is a beloved author’s most impressive achievement—a book bound to be of continuing comfort to anyone who has lost a loved one, a touchstone on a topic few have written about, let alone addressed so openly.
Customer Reviews:
Grief and Hope.......2003-04-12
This is a serious book, but, in no sense, a depressing one. It is an extraordinary guide for all of us who know grief in our lives, and for all of us--no one escapes it if they live any kind of life at all--who are going to be in contact with others experiencing grief.
You will come away from this book with hope, not melancholy. You will learn about handling grief, which is part of life, and, maybe, you will even learn how to be something more than just an emotional sounding board for those around you during the immediate aftermath of tragedy.
In recent days, the husband of someone I didn't know very well was killed in an accident. Murray's book helped me to better handle hearing from this woman elaborate details about the wonderful life and the tragic death, and to be more adequately prepared for the sudden--often unexpected--expressions of fury. By the way, you aren't going to find those elaborate details in Murray's book, and certainly not the fury.
I heartily recommend this book to all of us who have known grief, and to all of us who will know it in the future, and, just as important, to all of us who have known and will know people in grief.
Average customer rating:
- Beautiful and poignant!
- A Family's Story of Loss
- Loving Our Children
- courage and hope, beautifully rendered
- A moving and important book, not my favorite writing style
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Shadow Child: An Apprenticeship in Love and Loss
Beth Powning
Manufacturer: Carroll & Graf Publishers
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Binding: Hardcover
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ASIN: 0786707208 |
Book Description
In this perceptive, profoundly moving meditation on love and loss - and the often poignant connection between the two - Beth Powning shares the lessons that time and nature have taught her.
Like many young women with career ambitions in the redefining 1960s, Beth Powning struggles with the decision as to whether, and when, she should start a family, although eventually her ambivalence about motherhood yields to a dream of a baby. At the age of twenty-four she becomes pregnant, and her dream becomes reality. Then, late into a cold February night, eleven days past her due date, under induced labor, Beth delivers a stillborn son.
Several years later, to overwhelming joy, Beth gives birth to Jacob, but the growth of her second son is soon shadowed by that of Beth's other, first child, who has emerged from the darkness of memory. So it is that she begins to come to terms with the conditions of life that hone and humble each of us-with birth and death, with joy and pain, with losses and love and the relentless passage of time-in this beautifully wrought exploration of selfhood, womanhood, and motherhood.
Customer Reviews:
Beautiful and poignant!.......2003-05-06
A friend of mine told me to read this book, and I couldn't thank her enough. This book touched me deeply in so many ways, and I feel it was an act of courage to finally express the unthinkable loss of a child. I especially liked the way the author captured the sense of being shocked at the loss of control that accompanies birth (and motherhood). I recommend this book to any woman who has considered moving past loss into a second or third chance at the greatest experience: motherhood: with all of its terrors and confusions and poignant heart splitting moments of unbearable love and vunerability. As someone who has considered having a child, Shadow Child has opened some harsh realities about the trauma and pain of losing one's child. Kudos to this author for transformming what could have been a destructive and bitter experience into hope and a kind of triumph...
A Family's Story of Loss.......2001-10-17
This is the biography of Beth Powning. Her first child, Tate, was stillborn at term in the 1970s. Beth struggled with her right to grieve for her son. When her third child Jacob arrived, her long silent grief flooded over her.
Loving Our Children.......2001-08-21
This is a beautifully written book. It weaves art and nature, marital love and familial connections, great losses and sweet celebrations. It chronicles childbearing--not just the physical but the emotional, from welcoming a child into the world to seeing a child off for the first day of school. It also beautifully describes the heartache of a first son who died at birth.
courage and hope, beautifully rendered.......2000-07-02
I too had a difficult birth, but one with a happy ending. My son had his umbilical cord wrapped twice around his neck and a prolapsed placenta ; it was an emergency C section and I will never forget it. This book touched me deeply in so many ways, and I feel it was an act of courage to finally express the unthinkable loss of a child. The woman next to me in ICU recovery had also lost her child, and I felt much the same as the author...wanting to comfort her but not knowing quite how to. I especially liked the way the author captured the sense of being shocked at the loss of control that accompanies birth (and motherhood). I recommend this book to any woman who has considered moving past loss into a second or third chance at the greatest experience : motherhood: with all of its terrors and confusions and poignant heart splitting moments of unbearable love and vunerability.....cheers to this author for transformming what could have been a destructive and bitter experience into hope and a kind of triumph......
A moving and important book, not my favorite writing style.......2000-04-09
This is a book that I am sure will be very important to many women. I admire the author for having the courage to tell her story of losing her first son, Tate, and how this affected her life and her mothering of her second son Jacob. I also admire her honesty in talking about parenting Jacob---especially talking about his schooling, and how she hoped that he would fit in and become part of the community partly to help her also feel more part of it, and how she came to see that homeschooling for a while was the best choice for him. This book, however, is written in a style that is not my personal favorite, although it is very well written. It is quite poetic and lyrical, and at times I found myself wishing very much that events were being told about in a more straighforward way, and that some areas were more clearly explained--more about whey they decided to move to Canada, how her husband's pottery business became so popular, etc. I am sure that not everyone would feel as I do, and in fact that many people would love this writing style---full of striking metaphors and nature descriptions. This book deserves wide reading.
Average customer rating:
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Shadows In The Sun: The Experiences Of Sibling Bereavement In Childhood (Series in Death, Dying and Bereavement)
Betty Davies
Manufacturer: Routledge
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback
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ASIN: 0876309112 |
Book Description
Shadows in the Sun covers the immediate, short- and long-term responses and subsequent generational effects of sibling bereavement and discusses sibling responses in the context of the variables which influence them. The final chapter synthesizes all that has gone before into a comprehensive model of sibling bereavement. Practical guidelines are offered for those who seek to help grieving siblings, children, and families.
Average customer rating:
- Citro is a true master of horror!
- Hard to put down.
- Who Is It?
- Shadow Child
- Excellent Book
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Shadow Child (Hardscrabble Books)
Joseph A. Citro
Manufacturer: University Press of New England
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Green Mountain Ghosts, Ghouls & Unsolved Mysteries
ASIN: 0874518849 |
Book Description
To outsiders, the deep, impenetrable forest that blankets Vermont's Green Mountains gives the state its peaceful and verdant mystique, but those same dark woods hide a secret from pre-history that reaches menacingly into the present. Joseph A. Citro's widely read publications about the more haunting history, legends, and lore of New England have earned him a reputation as an expert on themes of the supernatural. In this book (first published in 1987), however, he deftly melds real-life ancient ruins, a keen eye for the social fabric of small-town Vermont, and a soaring imagination to fashion a gripping tale of a family's life-or-death struggle to save their farm from an enemy far more devastating than banks, taxes, or land developers.
Eric Nolan is a man already too familiar with death. His brother's long-ago disappearance, the loss of his parents, and his wife's recent demise in an auto accident have left him near the edge physically and emotionally. In desperation he returns to his boyhood haunt, the family farm in rural Antrim, Vermont, now occupied by his cousin, Pamela, her husband, Clint, and Luke, their four-year-old son. But any solace Eric might find there is short-lived. Something terrible is going on in the woods on Pinnacle Mountain and it seems to be centered around a mysterious stone structure that, a local historian believes may be the relic of an ancient race.
The mystery deepens as people begin to vanish one by one, first a village policeman, then a local hermit, a researcher, and finally Clint himself. As baffling and violent incidents continue it becomes harder to deny that a powerful and malevolent force is at work in the Green Mountains, a force that has targeted young Luke. Though it defies Eric's every rational instinct, he must ultimately confront a reality he can neither accept nor deny. As he and the others struggle to quell the rising tide of evil, the siege escalates to a brutal battle for life itself. Citro twists every shock possible out of this finely crafted gothic thriller that tests the limits of legend and belief.
Customer Reviews:
Citro is a true master of horror!.......2007-04-22
Honestly, I had never heard of Joseph Citro, until I stumbled upon a link on Amazon that led me to read about his works. I ordered two books, Shadow Child & Guardian Angels, and was very pleased with both. Shadow Child follows the travails of the Whitcome family, i.e. Clint, Pamela & Luke together with Pam's cousin, Eric Nolan through a New England winter. The Whitcome's house is in a mountainous region in Vermont and its inhabitants are menaced by an ancient race of 'wee folk' called the Gentry...not to give too much away, the storyline is gripping, and the horror is insidious and altogether terrifying. It is a well-told horror story, both atmospheric and frightening...one gets the chills reading about the horrific acts committed by the evil beings, and feels a sense of dread at the menace posed to the family in this story. Citro is a great storyteller, and I think his works are underrated and deserving of a wider audience...his works rank alongside those of Saul's and even King's. I can't wait to read his other works, and only wish he would be more prolific in writing horror fiction.
Hard to put down........2005-10-15
All of Joseph Citro's books are good, but this may be his best. From the first paragraph to the last word I could not put this book down.
Who Is It?.......2004-05-01
Shadow Child is a bone chilling horror mystery based on true events. Joseph A. Citro tells the story of a family in a small town in Vermont haunted by a secret civilization. After a long lost cousin returns everything starts going weird in town. All fingers point to (the cousin) Eric. But who knows? Joseph makes this book so interesting because he includes real newspaper clippings to support his events in the story. He also utilizes foreshadowing. So by the time a third of the book is complete you won't be able to put it down until you are completely finished. You want to know what is going to happen to the family. I would recomend this book to everyone.
Shadow Child.......2002-05-25
Horror stories just do not get any better than this one.
Excellent Book.......2000-12-03
I read Deus-X a few years ago and had waited to read more of Citro's work. However, there has not been much out, but I was glad to see the re-release of this series. Shadow Child is the first book of three that are all being re-released.
I greatly enjoyed this book, it is an excellent example of a frightening book that is somewhat based in fantasy and reality. It is un-nerving and impossible to resist. If you like horror that leaves you double checking the locks on the back doors when you go to bed then this is one for you.
Book Description
In late 1995, the little-known Ogoni region in Nigeria became a fable for our times. Ken Saro-Wiwa, a renowned poet and environmentalist, was campaigning to protect his Ogoni people against the encroachments of Shell Oil and a brutal dictatorship. He was imprisoned, tortured, brought to trial on trumped-up charges, and executed.
At the heart of the public campaign to save Ken Saro-Wiwa was another Ken Wiwa—the author's son—who travelled the world lobbying world leaders and mobilizing public opinion, so that his father was recognized as a hero and a symbol of the struggle for environmental justice. The Saro-Wiwa name became global currency for righteousness.
Ken Wiwa has embarked on a book that tells the story—from a human, anecdotal perspective—of what it means to grow up as a child in the shadow of such extraordinary men and women. In the end, it's about Ken's attempts to make peace with himself and his father—following his journey as he reaches toward a final rendezvous with the father who was snatched by the hangman.
Customer Reviews:
A Befitting tribute to a great man!.......2007-03-17
A befitting gift to the memory of a great man from his son. Ken Wiwa has arrived as a major voice of his generation with this sincere and serious work of literature that looks at Nigerain politics and history from the eyes of a Niger Delta son. This is a personal document with a straight forward message.
Fathers and sons.......2003-11-30
A moving and evocative memoir of Ken Wiwa's difficult coming of age, caught between two cultures and the collision with history of his domineering father, Nigerian playwright and activist Ken Saro-Wiwa. In effect the story is told in two parts - the author's life up to his father's hanging on trumped up charges in 1995, and his subsequent attempt to come to terms with his fathers ambiguous personal legacy, in part from seeking out the children of other political martyrs such as Nkosinathi Biko and Aung San Suu Kyi. One gets the sense that by the end of the book Wiwa has achieved some sort of closure and establishment of stable, constructive self-identity. Recommended to anyone interested in Nigeria, international diplomacy, or the relationship between fathers and sons.
amazing.......2002-10-23
I remember where I was the day I found out Ken Saro-Wiwa had been murdered. It's a day that will forever be with me.
Ken Wiwa does a beautiful job of honoring his father's human rights work and expressing the complexity of their relationship. It is a shame that Mr. Saro-Wiwa will never be able to see his son's heartfelt tribute.
A great book, for anyone to enjoy.......2002-09-18
This is a beautiful, inspiring book. It is not just a biography of internationally acclaimed activist and novelist Ken Saro-Wiwa, but also an account of a son who manages to find himself despite the notoriety of his famous father. Ken Wiwa traces the history he has shared with his father, and examines his changes in perspective through his childhood, adolescent and adult years. He recounts his father's successful life, from government worker to TV writer, novelist, and finally, to political activist. He tells of his father's efforts to improve the lives of the impoverished Ogoni people, which included a heroic struggle against a multinational oil company. With brevity, and brutal honesty, Ken Wiwa leaves no stone unturned in examining his own thoughts and emotions in relation to these events.
It would have been easy for Ken Wiwa to wax poetically about his father's heroism in the face of such a powerful opponent, and to fill all the pages of a book on this subject alone. He could have possibly sold many more books this way. But he purposely chose not to, and instead invites his readers on a rich, multi-faceted exploration of his father's life, his family and of his own growing self-awareness.
In the end, we, the readers, are just as proud of Ken Saro-Wiwa as his son is. But it is the journey that we took to get there that makes it all the more moving.
A Humble and Honest Description of Ken Saro-Wiwa.......2002-01-11
I was in bed on the morning of the 10th of November 1995 when the death of ken Saro Wiwa was announced over the radio. As it is in Nigeria there is always the official and unofficial news so speculations the previous night dismissed as rumours...even though i was almost twenty at this time, it dawned on me that i knew next to nothing about Mr Saro-Wiwa..and folks made up to many stories that usually left you confused but Ken Wiwa has done an excellent job. He initial presents hiself has a spoilt kid who saw more meaning to life in the west than in Africa his home (Or so i understood it) but as he grows, he matures to the point where he does not only understand his father and what he stands for but learns to forgive and even sympathise with his many dilemas in his struglle to liberate the lifes and minds of his people. The most refreshing thing about the story is that Wiwa Snr and Jnr reach a compromise in what seemed like a stumbling relationship (as it is with many first sons who are similar to thier fathers) and reconcile before Saro-Wiwa dies. I gues like Wiwa snr said "it's a shame we cant choose our parents" but having ready a story like this one I'm quite glad it so too.
Bro Ken i agree with your Dad you do have a good style keep the books coming.
Average customer rating:
- This book is simply fantastic!
- A Must for sexual violence victims or close friends!
- Very good for rape or sexual assault survivors
- Tremendously helpful to rape survivors and their loved ones
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Free of the Shadows: Recovering from Sexual Violence
Jennifer Fay
Manufacturer: New Harbinger Pubns Inc
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ASIN: 0934986703 |
Customer Reviews:
This book is simply fantastic!.......1999-04-15
I read this book after an experience that I had in college. It was very easy to read and also informative. "Free of the shadows" is a great book for anyone who has experienced sexual assault. It is also a good book for family and friends to read who are trying to help a love one get through a difficult time. I loaned the copy I had to a friend, who in turn loaned it to a friend. I have been looking for a copy of this book for years! Ever bookstore that I went to told me that they couldn't order it. They said it was unavailable. I am very happy to see that this very resourceful book is still in print.
A Must for sexual violence victims or close friends!.......1999-03-27
This book is fantastic. My friend was raped, and I wanted to get her a book that wouldn't scare her but would answer her questions thoroughly. This entire book is a series of VERY helpful questions and answers grouped by topic in chapters. A good book for raising self-esteem and helping get on with life. I agree that it is definately NOT scary to read, and definately one of the more gentle books to read. This is an especially helpful book in my case where my friend believes it's her fault, when it really wasn't. It helped a LOT!!
Very good for rape or sexual assault survivors.......1998-12-07
At first I thought it was overly simplistic. But I think its like that for people to be able to read it immediatly after a rape. Anyway, I think its very good. As rape tends not to be something that is openly discussed amongst even close female friends, (for me anyhow) it gives the opportunity to outline some pretty basic guidelines which- sadly just arn't discussed as freely as they should be. Very good. I thought I was pretty aware, but this reinforced and highlighted perspectives that lurk in the mind, but werent addressed. Surprisingly informative. Made me realize how far reaching the effects of the rape were and how recovery from the effects of the rape were just as important as recovering from the rape/assault itself. If you are on the recieving end of unwanted sexual attention, this is a great book. I have found that there seem to be very few books about rape, which is surprising, as I have always found rapes and assaults to be far too commonplace in this society. I think the word rape puts a lot of people off, because they think it always refers to something quite extreme or violent, but sexual assaults are often not 'OTT', but can be just as scarring. -meaning the act itself is one of violence, but the rapist will not always beat people up or yell etc,. It might be a threatening act, but be equqlly as damaging to the psyce as a more voilent rape scenario.
Tremendously helpful to rape survivors and their loved ones.......1998-08-06
This book was a god-send when I was recovering from my experience with rape and I have recommended it to countless others in the crisis intervention work that I do with other survivors. It is one of the best books available for explaining the after-math of rape to survivors and to their friends and family. This book is NOT SCARY TO READ. Far less likely to trigger fear and panic responses in survivors (especially recent survivors) than many on the market. The content is honest and comprehensive but not graphic or anecdotal. The organization of the book is such that even someone suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (whose powers of concentration may be significantly diminished) can read and digest it relatively easily - the sections are very short and the type is large. Each chapter also includes "for the friends and family" sections, which give invaluable advice about how loved ones can support the survivor and take care of themselves as well. T! his book was the first "person" to tell me that what I was experiencing was a normal reaction to what had happened to me and that I wasn't going crazy. It's a very important book for anyone who is recovering from rape or anyone who cares about someone who is.
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In the Shadow of the Past
Miriam Lewin
Manufacturer: Columbia University Press
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback
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ASIN: 0231053037 |
Book Description
Smiling at Shadows is an insightful and honest account of the often difficult path to adulthood that a child living with autism must face. It is also the story of two parents who learned how to step into their child's world and draw him out into their own. An engaging story, this book is also a valuable resource for therapists, educators, and medical practitioners. More importantly, for parents and family members, it portrays the heartache and joy that families living with autism experience. The book shows families how to maintain hope and how to share in their child's life and happiness.
Customer Reviews:
Light & Shadows.......2007-06-26
When Dane Waites was born in 1974, tolerance towards autism was just starting to move out of the shadows and into the light. His behavior was autistic from infancy; he smiled at trees and at the shadows they made on his walls. Largely nonverbal, he reached some milestones at a later rate, e.g. mastering toileting at age 7.
The boy also celebrated his first Christmas at age 7. The Waites, wanting him to enjoy Christmas as his peers did, taught him about Santa. Junee Waites even said that once introduced, she feared Santa would be with them forever. By the time Dane reached his teens, he accepted the explanation that Santa only comes to younger children. Dane's poignant comment, "I'm too old for Santa, right" makes one feel a tad sad for him. One cannot help but wonder if Dane still believed. I think another approach would be to tell him, "Dane, Santa is fun pretend and a game many people play with their children as a Christmas tradition" or whatever verbiage got through to him. The remote possibility that Santa might remain an enduring belief far past that of his peers was unfortunate and in which case, it seems the honest approach would be better. Fortunately for all, Dane learned to open gifts without fear of the unknown and participate in holiday activities.
Dane was enrolled in a mainstream kindergarten and it was there he met his lifetime friend, Jenny. She accepted Dane unconditionally; she said that she knew he could talk and when she asked him her name, he said, "Jenny." She was his defender and protector; a photograph of the pair at Dane's 5th birthday party shows Jenny at his side, ready to go to bat for him at any time. I just loved that part.
Jaeger, the German short-haired pointer was another faithful protector Dane enjoyed. The beautiful dog (1983-1992) was an important part of Dane's life and rarely left his side. Her untimely death might make you cry, but you will certainly be cheered by the strides Dane made.
Dane's immediate community accepted him as well. There was a large Italian community in his town and he learned to make many Italian dishes; Junee took conversational Italian and out of this, many friendships were made. Dane was quickly and readily absorbed and accepted by his friendly neighbors; from these friendships came lasting bonds and an abiding respect for Italian food, language and culture.
Dane's world expanded tremendously; the Waites took Dane on trips and moved twice during their son's boyhood. Dane was happiest when outside and enjoying nature. Luckily a farm family with 3 children had him work with them on their farm and Dane thrived in that environment. He also got to travel to the Fiji Islands and appreciated Fijian culture. I like the way he took an open interest in other people.
Junee Waites is wonderfully candid about life with Dane and working within his challenges. She is a person I truly admire and her unflagging faith in her son along with the kind nuns and priest who also taught him and helped him understand and appreciate his faith truly warms the heart. I loved the part when Dane received his First Communion at age 10 and the priest who wrote a lovely account of this in a book. Dane's spiritual development is nicely chronicled as well; an especially moving account of this was when Dane told a man in a wheelchair he would pray for him. Dane also insisted on bringing apples to feed homeless people in a neighborhood park.
The Waites' odessy with autism came full circle when they encountered Jenny, Dane's boyhood friend in a restuarant. By then the manager of the place, Jenny told them how she understood about Dane and knew how to reach him as only a compassionate peer could. That was my favorite part along with Dane's First Communion.
Dane's travel and spiritual development no doubt helped him become a rather well rounded young man. He also demonstrated physical prowess in early adulthood when he took up running; marathon biking and weight lifting. Although still autistic, Dane continues to remain an active, thriving member of his society and has held down jobs since the age of 14.
Junee Waites provides readers with rich descriptions of the parts of Australia where she and her family lived; readers are treated to the places that they visited as travelers. To make a good thing even better, a list of resources as well as descriptions of resources available in Australia are provided. This is truly an outstanding book. It makes me think of the hymn, "On Eagle's Wings" and the song "You Are the Light of the World," as Dane emerged from shadows into the light of conversing and providing explanations of his experience with autism.
wonderful and inspirational.......2006-01-14
I read this book from cover to cover and then I read it all over again. I am a mother of a child with special needs (including autistic traits)and know of many others with young ASD children. This is a book I could recommend to them, for the insight it offers into both autism and a parent's journey. I learned so much, began to see life through the eyes of the ASD child and to understand why he acted as he did, and related it to much of what my friends' children did, or my own. The mother's love shone throughout the book yet she was very honest about how she felt and how hard that journey was at times. Always though, it was a book of hope and of love and remained positive throughout.
Like the previous reviewer, I too would like to write to the author to say how enormously helpful this book is. It should become an ASD classic, to inform and inspire parents, professionals, the general public - and those with ASD themselves.
touching and inspiring.......2004-04-20
Thank you so much for this book. Junee is inspiring and warm, her love for her son and respect for his rights is uplifting for any parents dealing with the ups and downs of raising a child with autism. I am a single mother of two autistic children and while reading this book I was touched beyond words, I hope one day to inspire other parents as Junee has for me and many more parents around the world. Is there any way of emailing her or atleast a way for me to say thank you to her and let her know how much she has touched my family?
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