Book Description
Practical solutions to a problem that may affect 80% of school children.
Drawing on her decades of work with troubled youth and her wide experience with conflict resolution and reconciliatory justice, bestselling parenting educator Barbara Coloroso offers a practical and compassionate book destined to become a groundbreaking guide to this escalating problem.
Coloroso helps readers recognize the characteristic triad of bullying: the bully who perpetrates the harm; the bullied who is the target (and who may become a bully); and the bystander––peers, siblings, or adults who don't act to defuse the situation. Readers learn:
o What bullying is and what it isn't; the three kinds of bullying; and the differences and similarities between boy and girl bullies
o How to read the subtle clues that a child is being bullied
o Seven steps to take if your child is a bully
o Four abilities that protect your child from succumbing to a bully
o Why zero tolerance policies can equal zero thinking
o Why contempt, not anger, drives bullying, and how to confront this in bullies.
o o Bullying is a widespread problem. In a 2001 study by the Kaiser Foundation in conjunction with Nickelodeon TV network and Children Now, 86% of children ages 12–15 interviewed said they get teased or bullied at school––making bullying more prevalent than smoking, alcohol, drugs, or sex among the same age group. Barbara Coloroso is an award wining author. Parenting Through Crisis and Kids Are Worth It! each won a Parent's Guide Award 2001 from Parent's Guide to Children's Media.
Customer Reviews:
Outstanding.......2007-08-01
This book is a fantastic resource for anyone who works with children. The author gives great insight into bullying and it is an area where parents and teachers really need to take action.
Bullies Times Three.......2006-11-10
This is a wonderfully written book. It presents parents, teachers and proffessionals with all three sides of the triangle created by the ever growing epidemic of "bullying". It calls for social change in it's remedy to this deadly disruption of the lives of so many. The format is easy to read and insightful. It is well worth the time it takes to read and then some. Bravo Barbara Coloroso, the information in this book is informative and inspiring.
The BEST book on bullying.......2006-10-01
This is a must have book for anyone that deals with kids. Our schools have a problem with bullying that the district is presently denying. I hope to start a support group soon - and this will be the one book I highly recommend reading.
I've already purchased multiple copies and have given them to staff at my child's school.
Excellent Incite.......2006-07-31
Excellent Book on the actual personalities of Bullies, their victims and the people who don't step in to help the victim.
The Bully, the bullied and the Bystander.......2006-03-23
It is a book that should be owned definitely by every parent, and also by everyone. It helps with understanding of how and why we came here, why we are who we are, and how to make it better for our kids and actually for every one around us. It describes how a family should treat our kids with respect and freedom. It is one book which I think is a must read. It gives insight into how we can change despite of bad experiences while we grew up. I would recommend it to be bought before buying a crib when you expect a baby! It is like a bible for a christan, Geeta for an Indian, Koran for a Muslim. It tells the three kinds of families, two dysfucntional and how they make long lasting deficiencies in kid's psyche. Then it explains how a backbone family gives freedom and respect to a child and makes him independent and loving. It takes a while to read as it has painful stories of kids who killed themselves because of bullying. This book should be talked about in parent teacher's organizations, at churches, temples , Sunday schools and so on. It is one book that will make a difference in our society. It describes the importance of difference between teasing and taunting and how taunting can lead to suicides, hurts not only the bullied but also instills fear in the bystanders. It weaves the relation of parental upbringing into making a kid a passive bystander as opposed to helper for the bullied. It tells signs to be seen in your child to detect if he is bullied, questions to be asked. It tells the life destroying long lasting effects on his own life if a bully is not stopped! It gives non humiliating strategies how to stop a bully and how to empower a bullied and the critical role of bystander and how to make him help the bullied. A fantastically written book. A life changing book!
Book Description
From the earliest years of his marriage, Paul Hegstrom handled his problems and frustrations the only way he knew how: with fists and fury. Talking about the problem only intensified his rage. Going into the Christian ministry didn’t help either, the guilt merely magnified his despair. Facing a charge of attempted murder and a prison term, Hegstrom got the wake-up call he needed. With professional help and an intense struggle with spiritual issues, he began the lengthy process of healing and recovery. Through a fascinating, yet thorough examination of the psychological components of various types of abuse, along with true examples from his own life and others, Hegstrom points the way back to wholeness and freedom. An invaluable aid for the man who batters, the woman who feels trapped, and the pastor, counselor, or friend who desperately wants to help them both, Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them offers straight answers for those willing to overcome the cycle of violence. The revised and updated edition includes a new chapter that discusses the physiological and psychological changes in the brain when abuse occurs.
Customer Reviews:
Excellent book! Paul Hegstrom Makes Things Perfectly Clear!.......2007-05-15
It was Dr. Paul Hegstrom's teaching that changed our lives forever. In 1994, we were struggling in a ten year marriage that had lots of problems including abuse and adultery.
Dr. Hegstrom's teachings began the miracle that we needed in our life and marriage. The next ten years of our marriage were so wonderful that in 2004, we wrote our first book on marriage, "The Man of Her Dreams/The Woman of His!" Dr. Hegstrom wrote the Preface to the book.
Let Dr. Hegstrom's teachings change your life!
Order this book today! While you are at it, look at ours by clicking on The Man of Her Dreams The Woman of His! and The Man of Her Dreams The Woman of His 2 - Livin' It and Lovin' It! (Volume 2)
These books are full of help from a real couple who overcame adultery and abuse to experience an outrageously happy marriage utilizing the principles of Life Skills International which was founded by Dr. Hegstrom.
Joel and Kathy Davisson
the view of an angry man.......2007-01-12
An excellent book to help couples having anger issues. I was suprised to learn that I was angry (by definition) and that it is controllable (never thought so). It turned me round, made me face myself, in a similar way to an alcoholic.
Angry Men and the Women who love them.......2007-01-11
The psychology in the book was excellent. I especially appreciated that it discussed both sides of the relationship. What I didn't like were the Christian references. It was very annoying and there were many pages that I completely skipped over because of the Christianity. If you can overlook Christian references then this book was very insightful and helpful to me.
A Must Read for Anyone Dealing With Angry People, Including Yourself!!.......2006-06-27
While in the bookstore at church earlier this year, my fiance at the time held up the book, Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them, and said, "Look at this." My response was, "I want that book. Please buy it for me!" which he did. I had been seeing a pattern of anger and rage in him, and it scared me.
This book absolutely opened my eyes to the root causes of anger, which is a secondary emotion. I grew up with an angry father and so did my fiance, who was incredibly wounded physically, emotionally, and sexually while growing up. What I found so helpful about this book is the discussion of the brain and what happens physiologically when we are physically, emotionally, mentally, and/or sexually wounded before the age of thirteen. The exciting news: It's fixable!!
A month after reading the book I signed up for a Life Skills class and committed to attending once a week for seven months. (The Life Skills organization was started by Paul Hegstrom when he found that typical anger management classes did not work for him and the rage he was dealing with in his own life.) I discovered that I have sought out angry men to date my whole life and did not realize I was doing it. I am a little more than half way through the class now and I can honestly say it is the hardest and yet the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life. I am learning about myself, working through the pain of my childhood wounds, and seeing incredible hope for my future. Next to becoming a Christian, reading the book and taking the class are the best things I have ever done.
The book gave me the information I needed, and the class is giving me the support and the tools I need to experience healthy relationships with others and most importantly with myself. I find I have a lot more compassion for angry people, but I am also becoming a lot wiser and more discerning about how I interact with them. I highly recommend the book (a very interesting and easy read) and the Life Skills class.
Paul Hegstrom provides priceless insight..........2004-06-01
When we feel trapped in an abusive home / marriage, we feel afraid, isolated, and scared of knowledge. Knowledge calls us to take well thought out action and to make choices. This book shares the knowledge that both women and men need to break the cycle of abuse in the home. Mr Hegstrom provides priceless insight as to why we behave the way we do, how to change, how to build a proper emotional and physical bond as well as information on where to get help. If you read this book and are encouraged to grow, I recommend finding a Life Skills support group or another program so that you can begin your journey to a healthier lifestyle. This book is an important tool for married and single individuals both.Many women have shared with me that they wish they had received this pain preventative information before they were married. No matter where you are in life, there is hope and you CAN feel peace and joy again. I highly recommend this book and the Life Skills Program.
Average customer rating:
- a must read for anyone who was abused
- Intergenerational Abuse
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Breaking the Cycle of Abuse: How to Move Beyond Your Past to Create an Abuse-Free Future
Beverly Engel
Manufacturer: Wiley
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ASIN: 0471740594 |
Book Description
"A beacon of hope for women and men who fear that they will pass the abuse they have suffered on to their children, partners, or employees. Humane and compassionate but also clear and down to earth, this is a wonderful contribution to the literature on healing."
—Lundy Bancroft, author of When Dad Hurts Mom and Why Does He Do That?
"In this remarkably powerful, wise, and compassionate book, Beverly Engel leads readers step by step through a program that will help survivors of emotional, physical, or sexual abuse in childhood to heal from their wounds so they don't need to re-enact their abusive pasts. She offers expert advice and strategies to help parents and would-be parents avoid doing to their children what was done to them and helps both abusers and victims in emotionally and physically abusive relationships make vitally important changes in their relationships."
—Susan Forward, Ph.D., author of Toxic Parents and Emotional Blackmail
If you were emotionally, physically, or sexually abused as a child or adolescent, or if you experienced neglect or abandonment, it isn't a question of whether you will continue the cycle of abuse but rather a question of how—whether you will become an abuser or continue to be a victim. In this breakthrough book, Beverly Engel, a leading expert on emotional and sexual abuse, explains how to stop the cycle of abuse once and for all. Her step-by-step program provides the necessary skills for gaining control over emotions, changing negative attitudes, learning healthy ways of communicating, healing the damage from prior abuse, and seeking out support.
Throughout, Engel shares many dramatic personal stories including her own experiences with abusive behavior. Breaking the Cycle of Abuse gives you the power to shatter abusive patterns for good and offers a legacy of hope and healing for you and your family.
Download Description
Expert guidance in stopping and recovering from abuse
In her new book, renowned psychotherapist Beverly Engel returns to the topic that made her famous¿abuse and recovery from abuse. Engel argues that the primary way survivors can avoid abusing others the way they were abused is to work on their own recovery. In Breaking the Cycle of Abuse, she presents all-new action steps to help people recover¿and end the cycle of abuse. Offering her own personal story of abuse and abusive behavior as well as the stories of many others, Engel offers support, hope, and compassion. The strategies in this book will help readers stop passing on the legacy of emotional, physical, and sexual abuse to their children and partners.
Beverly Engel (Los Osos, CA), a psychotherapist for over 25 years, is the author of numerous books, including The Emotionally Abusive Relationship (0-471-45403-6) and Loving Him without Losing You (0-471-40979-0). She has appeared on Oprah, Donahue, Ricki Lake, Sally Jessy Raphael, and other national television shows.
Customer Reviews:
a must read for anyone who was abused.......2007-09-09
This book very thoroughly explains what constitues abuse, the effects and what to do about it once you are an adult. Beverly Engel has a way of presenting the truth without glossing it over but without leaving the reader feeling like he or she is powerless to change the future. This book explains how the cycle of abuse continues from generation to generation and gives concrete things that you can do to get off the victim/aggressor merry-go-round. Extremely insightful and thorough.
Intergenerational Abuse.......2007-08-14
Even at age 60 I continue to learn about the impact of intergenerational abuse infecting my family. Engel, a survivor of abuse herself, describes the various abuses and abusers, the impact on the victim, and suggests methods to counter the negative. Abusers are all around us, even the US Missile Defense Department. My unfortunate newphew's father describes him as a "bum who did nothing and emotionally abused her (girlfriend)" and is mystified by the adult child's behavior. The book unveils the secrets that perpetuate this behavior and how it goes unchecked.
Average customer rating:
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Teens Who Hurt: Clinical Interventions to Break the Cycle of Adolescent Violence
Kenneth V. Hardy , and
Tracey A. Laszloffy
Manufacturer: The Guilford Press
ProductGroup: Book
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Breaking Through to Teens: A New Psychotherapy for the New Adolescence
ASIN: 1572307498 |
Book Description
Offering a fresh perspective on treatment, this book presents an overarching framework and many specific strategies for working with violent youth and their families. The authors shed light on the complex interplay of individual, family, community, and societal forces that lead some adolescents to hurt others or themselves. Effective ways to address each of these factors in clinical and school settings are discussed and illustrated with evocative case material. The book provides essential guidance on connecting with aggressive teens and their parents and managing difficult situations that are likely to arise. The strengths-based interventions presented are applicable to a broad range of high-risk behaviors, from bullying and assault to substance abuse, self-mutilation, and suicidality.
Book Description
Violence so often begets violence. Victims respond with revenge only to inspire seemingly endless cycles of retaliation. Conflicts between nations, between ethnic groups, between strangers, and between family members differ in so many ways and yet often share this dynamic. In this powerful and timely book Martha Minow and others ask: What explains these cycles and what can break them? What lessons can we draw from one form of violence that might be relevant to other forms? Can legal responses to violence provide accountability but avoid escalating vengeance? If so, what kinds of legal institutions and practices can make a difference? What kinds risk failure?
Breaking the Cycles of Hatred represents a unique blend of political and legal theory, one that focuses on the double-edged role of memory in fueling cycles of hatred and maintaining justice and personal integrity. Its centerpiece comprises three penetrating essays by Minow. She argues that innovative legal institutions and practices, such as truth commissions and civil damage actions against groups that sponsor hate, often work better than more conventional criminal proceedings and sanctions. Minow also calls for more sustained attention to the underlying dynamics of violence, the connections between intergroup and intrafamily violence, and the wide range of possible responses to violence beyond criminalization.
A vibrant set of freestanding responses from experts in political theory, psychology, history, and law examines past and potential avenues for breaking cycles of violence and for deepening our capacity to avoid becoming what we hate. The topics include hate crimes and hate-crimes legislation, child sexual abuse and the statute of limitations, and the American kidnapping and internment of Japanese Latin Americans during World War II. Commissioned by Nancy Rosenblum, the essays are by Ross E. Cheit, Marc Galanter, Fredrick C. Harris, Judith Lewis Herman, Carey Jaros, Frederick M. Lawrence, Austin Sarat, Ayelet Shachar, Eric K. Yamamoto, and Iris Marion Young.
Book Description
-- A ForeWord Magazine "Book of the Year" Finalist--
Why does Hamas refuse to recognize the legitimacy of the state of Israel? Why do Israeli settlers in the West Bank insist that Israel has a legitimate right to that territory? What makes the Israeli-Palestinian conflict so intractable? Reflecting both Israeli and Palestinian points of view, this provocative volume addresses the two powerful, bitterly contested, competing historical narratives that underpin the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Compelling contributions by Israeli and Palestinian authors show how the intertwined reckonings of the historical past--history's double helix--provide powerful ammunition for current battles. Just when a resolution of the conflict might seem to be on the horizon, the gulf of history resurges to separate the contenders. Palestinians and Israelis remain locked in struggle, tightly entangled and enveloped by a historical cocoon of growing complexity, fundamental disagreement, and overriding miscalculation.
This book creates a dialogue among Palestinian and Israeli authors, who examine opposing versions of the historical narratives in the context of contemporary Israeli-Palestinian relations. In hard-hitting essays the contributors debate the two justifying and rationalizing constructions, laying bare the conflict's roots and the distorted prisms that fuel it. Israeli and Palestinian Narratives of Conflict is an invaluable resource for anyone seeking to make sense of today's headlines.
Customer Reviews:
On the wrong track.......2007-08-12
Narratives of conflict?
What's that supposed to mean? Does it mean that some folks have a bunch of anecdotes which they use to present a somewhat misleading picture of reality while others have a bunch of anecdotes which they use to present a horribly misleading picture of reality?
What we need are truths, not "narratives."
Yes, a bunch of people who committed crimes and fought as aggressors have "narratives." But that does not negate the reality of what happened. Sure, those families in the American South who fought to deny human rights to Black slaves have a narrative. And they suffered. But that would not get me or any other honest person to consider the emancipation of the slaves a catastrophe! The emancipation of the slaves was a triumph for human rights that has been a benefit to society as a whole. The victory over National Socialism was a similar triumph. The lifting of the siege of Jerusalem in 1948 was another such triumph. If we instead call it (or the existence of human rights for Jews in Israel) a "catastrophe," we're being both insulting and dishonest. And I think that some of the contributors in this book are encouraging such dishonesty.
In order to reduce strife, I think we do need to focus on truth. But that is not the same thing as accepting lies! I know that it is very difficult to admit that one is wrong if one wants to fight. But it is also difficult to admit that one is right if one wants to be diplomatic. And I think we need to strive to be more honest, and value truth whether one has been right or wrong.
There are some things in this book that I did find interesting. Mordechai Bar-On had some things to say about Israel from his perspective, and reasons why such people as Flapan or Zertal are unlikely to be taken seriously by most Israelis. In addition, he makes the excellent point that some Arabs like Israeli revisionist history because they feel it admits the truth of some Arab claims (I might call it the truth of some Arab falsehoods). Instead, he thinks that Arabs ought to see it as a call to try some revisionist history of their own, and reconsider some of the more dubious things they've tended to agree upon in the past.
Does this one good point make the book worth two stars rather than one? Definitely not. Its entire theme is no good.
It's hard to hear the other side.......2007-01-02
This is a very useful book for anyone who wants to understand the roots of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Each side tells the story in a way that blends fact, emotion, and a particular point of view. It's hard to build relationships with others when we don't have an understanding of how differently they view reality.
Book Description
A first-ever how-to book to help abusive men change their behavior by changing their thinking. Domestic abuse is the leading cause of injury to American women between the ages of 15 and 44. Women's shelters, advocacy programs, and counseling centers have been created to respond to victims needs, but what can be done to prevent domestic violence in the first place? At last, here is a powerful, positive tool to help abusive men break the cycle of abuse. Stop Hurting the Woman You Love shows men how to identify their distorted thinkingoften rooted in feelings of entitlement and male privilegein order to change the beliefs that fuel their need to control and lead to abusive behavior. Real-life case histories, thought-provoking questionnaires, and a conversational tone engage readers, helping them raise self-awareness and to change beliefs. The book's step-by-step cognitive behavioral approach gives men a proven action plan for putting their new, healthy approach into practice.
Customer Reviews:
A Self-Help Resource for Those Who Want to Stop Abusing Women.......2007-02-11
It's pretty obvious that someone who thinks it's all right to push and slap women, order women around like a drill sergeant does, and expect complete obedience isn't going to be a candidate for any self-help book to develop a better relationship. But some men who behave that way are shocked when their girl friend or wife leaves, calls the police, and begins legal proceedings . . . and those men want to restore the relationship, even if it means they have to change. If such a man is willing to enter a group that works on overcoming those behaviors and the attitudes that lie behind them, Stop Hurting the Woman You Love can be a very helpful resource.
Mr. Donaldson and Mr. Flood have considerable experience in assisting men to make this kind of transition through their work as directors of the Men's Resource Centers in Holland and Grand Rapids, Michigan. Most of the men they see are sent to the centers by a court after having been found to be criminally abusive.
From that background, the authors create some fictional types that represent the kinds of men who become abusers. I recognized several of the types among men I know what have abused their wives. They then do a fine job of explaining how these men see what's going on . . . and how those faulty views of reality get the men (and the women they love) into
trouble. This material is presented in straightforward language, and I doubt if anyone will find a confusing message anywhere in the book.
Once having looked at abusers, the reader is invited to find out about himself through a self-assessment built from attitudes and behaviors. You are then guided to identify your primary style of interacting with women and your family. The rest of that chapter explores pathways to escaping from vicious cycles of abuse for that kind of person. Cleverly, the authors allow no escape from confronting what might be done: There's even a category for the respondents who don't find anything wrong in themselves during the self-assessment.
The book has lots of practical advice such as how to give yourself a time-out before your anger spills over into abuse.
The authors also help readers understand where their attitudes and behaviors come from and what emotions their anger is masking.
Finally, the book helps refocus the reader on seeing the relationship from both the female and male perspectives at the same time.
I particularly enjoyed reading the reference to research about how long-term relationships are based on five positive things done for every somewhat negative one. Why not shoot for a higher ratio than that?
I couldn't help but feel that a lot of the abusers described here were living in a fantasy world when they got married, a world in which the best traits of their mothers and most stimulating girl friends were going to be combined into one woman who provided lots of mothering, attention, and irresponsible pleasure for the men while the children take care of themselves.
I have mixed feelings about encouraging people to read this book. At one level, I hope lots of people do so and that abuse is lessened. At another level, I hope that no one needs this book because people were able to permanently stop abuse on their own. But I fear that my former feeling is the more accurate, if less optimistic one. I see too many women with shiners, broken arms, and swollen faces to think that physical violence has disappeared from America.
A Useful and Practical Resource for Men Who Seek Change.......2006-10-26
Often self help books such as this one - 'Stop Hurting the Woman You Love: Breaking the Cycle of Abusive Behavior' - are either so beyond the scope of the casual reader that they are dismissed after the first chapter or two, or they are so simplistic that they seem like a milked out one-liner pushed into book form for profit for the writer.
Not so with this particular book. In its rather brief, easily digestible, non-threatening manner authors Charlie Donaldson, Randy Flood and Elaine Eldridge have created a manual that is easily readable, supportive, and one with effective management of the progression of topics that will be a true asset to the many men who are caught in the web of spousal abuse.
Using plain language instead of psycho-speak, the authors offer ways to recognize abusive behavior, usable and effective patterns to alter that behavior, and the all important supportive sense that any man who is 'man enough' to take charge of his life (that life including a constant state of misusing and misunderstanding inherent anger) can find a much needed level of behavior modification with all the associated rewards that accompany the work the authors clearly outline. The book contains weights and measures tables to assist the reader in self-evaluation and then follows those tasks with sound steps to alter the problematic abusive behavior.
For this reader the difference in the style of writing is the degree of supportive measures that accompany each phase of 'healing', steps that do not pamper the 'patient' but instead take a hard and realistic look at a potentially serious topic and then treat the reader with respect, examples and encouragement. The only problem with this helpful guide is that it is written solely for heterosexual couples: the next edition will hopefully acknowledge the fact that same sex couples need to be included in the panorama of partner abuse. This is a serious omission that needs correcting. Grady Harp, October 06
WAITING FOR THE GENDER FREE EQUIVALENT.......2006-10-24
I know of a case in which the wife had a restraining order ordered against HER, and the next time she attacked the MAN, he was removed from his home and children and she was given everything. He was discovered by the police hiding in a basement closet from the woman's violence and yet he and his children lost everything irretrievably.
End the gender prejudice in these popular but prejudicial works. Realize many men are the victim of even lethal physical abuse by women. Work for justice as well as for peace. Renounce the violence of this anti-male sexism as well as our imperial and national violent official policies. Pray for peace, and realize how deeply each of us must confront our own violence within, women as well as men. Pray with the works of the Rev. Father John Dear, SJ, as a path to peace within each and every one of us, man and woman. Stop the cycle, but realize it is not only from men, who also have been victims of domestic violence.
Read John Dear for a gender free path away from violence in all of its dimensions.
For men who are puzzled about the failure of their relationships with women.......2006-10-22
While a man might see this book title and say "Oh, I never hit my wife"--the book covers more than simple physical abuse. This is really about abusive relationships and the way men react to situations that lead to abusive relationship. There are helpful questionnaires about things that trigger feelings of anger and a discussion of how you got that way. The book is about changing thinking and behavior, whether in a 12-step program or not.
The "read me first" introduction ends with the blunt comment that reading this book will make some people want to "flush it down the toilet." The author suggests that doing so will only clog your plumbing and keep you from improving your life. The book takes courage to read, so I am not sure how many men would resist that urge to clog the pipes, but those that do resist the urge to mash up this book will find this a life-saving book.
Helpful for more than just abusers.......2006-08-30
It may seem strange that a woman would read and review this book but there is very good information in here for anyone touched by abuse. I even found it helpful as a mother of a son who is trying to raise her son to be able to express emotions, something that the book discusses as helpful. This book is very readable and practical. The advise on "time-out" is very helpful and is important for women in an abusive relationship to understand that when men walk away, it is probably a good thing. Chapter 6 on "What Kind of Man am I" is a great tool and Chapter 10 on "Loving Relationships" provides a nice positive alternative for building a healthy relationship, which is not something that is intuitive or obivous but can be learned! All in all, a very important book.
Book Description
Is what happens in your family just normal sibling rivalry or could it be called sibling abuse? This instructive guide will help you answer this question and help you break any cycle of violence, verbal or physical. The practical suggestions in this book will protect your children now, and help them become responsible adults.
You will learn: * How to identify abusive behavior * How to prevent abuse in your home * How to know when to intervene This book shows that siblings hitting each other is not just “kids will be kids” and something to be tolerated unless it gets too raucous. It is one of the ways children learn that hitting another member of a family is intolerable, and therefore one of the causes of later domestic violence. Best of all, this book gives parents the tools to do something about it. Murray Straus, Ph.D., Family Research Laboratory, University of New Hampshire This comprehensive examination of sibling abuse not only uncovers its extent and impact, but offers parents sensible and useful advice. Sibling abuse is the cradle of family and interpersonal violence. Wiehe provides a timely and useful means of preventing the tragic toll of violence in our society. Richard Gelles, Ph.D., School of Social Work, University of Pennsylvania
Customer Reviews:
All families with children need a copy.......2003-07-30
This book talks about a seldom-discussed issue in present-day America, that of physical and emotional abuse by a member of the family, usually an older brother or sister. There is a strong tendency to keep internal family issues behind closed doors. It's also very easy to dismiss as sibling rivalry, not abuse, or boys will be boys.
Abuse can take many different forms, from name-calling to hitting, all the way to rape. The victims are left with feelings of shame, low self-esteem into adulthood and worthlessness. They are threatened by the perpetrator with grievous bodily harm or the breakup of the family if they tell.
There are a number of causes of sibling abuse. The usual cause is violence in the media that children see every day. Another major reason for sibling abuse is the model presented by the parents. Do they constantly belittle or try to injure each other? In such a household, how can abuse not be transferred from the parents to the children? How can a child, having been abused by an older sibling, not turn around and do it to a younger sibling?
Parental reaction is most important. When confronted with an accusation of abuse, one reaction is to say that the victim must have deserved it. If the accusation is one of sexual abuse, the victim must have enjoyed it. Other parental reactions include ignoring the abuse, responding inconsistently or inappropriately, indifference or even joining in the abuse. No wonder victims frequently don't talk about their abuse for many years.
The best thing parents can do is listen to their children. Only a small percentage of abuse allegations turn out to be false. The author also advocates the SAFE method (Stop the abuse; Assess the situation, both facts and feelings; Find out what will keep the abuse from happening again; Evaluate the solution and alter it if necessary).
Perhaps one of the causes of the epidemic of violence in America is discussed in this book. Read it if you're a parent who thinks that abuse is happening in your home. Read it if you think you're an abuse survivor, then give this book to your parents. Everyone else should also read this book.
Highly recommended for all parents with more than one child.......2002-06-08
What Parents Need To Know About Sibling Abuse by Professor Vernon R. Wiehe (College of Social Work, University of Kentucky) offers a solid, practical approach to dealing with sibling conflict and violence, brought to life with quotes directly from survivors of sibling abuse, written especially for parents and lay readers who have to confront the ugly dilemma of abuse among siblings, from slapping, punching, and name-calling to severe bodily harm and/or sexual abuse. Presenting clear, simple ways to better understand what abuse is, and how to distinguish it from age-appropriate behavior, as well as how to intervene and deal with difficult situations, What Parents Need To Know About Sibling Abuse is highly recommended for all parents with more than one child.
Customer Reviews:
A realistic yet hopeful look at gang life........2000-05-27
Peace in the Streets is a realistic yet hopeful look at gang life. Hernandez uses vivid imagery and poignant stories to weave a picture of children immersed in gang life. The book recreates the lives of the students that participated in his small alternative school in East L.A. Peace in the Streets portrays the children not as violent monsters but as adolescents lost in an imperfect system and society. Hernandez possesses the unique ability to understand and eloquently portray the path most children followed before entering gang life. He writes with an empathy and sensitivity rarely seen in books of this nature. As an educator working in at-risk schools I found this book to be very enlightening. Peace in the Streets is one of the few books in this genre that offers incredible insight into the lives of gang members while providing a step by step plan for communities to help their youths. This book is a pleasurable and necessary read for educators, parents, and communities struggling with issues related to gangs.
This book can give you hope if you work with gang members.......2000-04-26
As someone who has worked with gang members for a number of years, this book really resonated with me. It is so hard to communicate to people who gang members are behind the facades they wear. Arturo Hernandez's real life experiences speak powerfully to both the hopelessness and the hope to be found in America's inner-city areas. He also provides insights as to the underlying problems which have created our gang problems today, and hypothesizes about possible solutions, many of which seem viable based on my personal experiences. This book is a must-read, particularly for those in education-related fields dealing with gangs.
This is a very enlightening book on gang violence.......1999-03-25
I read this book for my political science class and I loved it. It gave me my first look at gang violence. The author gives you a stunning first hand account on not the gangs as a whole, but the kids as indviduals. He helps you to see that these kids are all different. Some are good in school, others can't read... he helps us, who do not have to deal with these problems, see that there is no "typical kid or family". Every student who is thinking about going into social work, Psychology, policics, teaching, etc... should read this book. It will open your eyes.
Compelling true stories; solid advice on gang problems.......1998-11-21
The author's recounting of his experiences setting up a school for gang-involved youth in L.A. is riveting, compelling, and moving. His accounts are simultaneously chilling, heartbreaking, and uplifting as he tells of lives both lost and saved. The book reads like a novel, but you couldn't make up stuff this good. Hernandez has a unique gift for painting vivid word pictures that remind the reader that these aren't just stereotypical media creations of gang children--he's writing about the real thing! The last section of the book offers good, solid advice--from one who has firsthand knowledge of the problems of gang-involved youth--about how communities can band together to help these kids rather than declare war on them.
Books:
- The Complete Idiot's Guide to Business Letters and Memos, 2nd Edition (The Complete Idiot's Guide)
- The Culture of Fear: Why Americans Are Afraid of the Wrong Things
- The Four Loves
- The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists
- The Humane Society of the United States Complete Guide to Dog Care: Everything You Need to Keep Your Dog Healthy and Happy
- The Hunter's Blades Trilogy Collector's Edition (Forgotten Realms)
- The Little Soul and the Sun: A Children's Parable Adapted from Conversations With God
- The Mammoth Book of Oddballs and Eccentrics (Mammoth Books)
- The Marvel Encyclopedia
- The Metrosexual Guide to Style: A Handbook for the Modern Man
Books Index
Books Home
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Girl Wars: 12 Strategies That Will End Female Bullying
Stick Up for Yourself: Every Kid's Guide to Personal Power & Positive Self-Esteem (Revised & Updated Edition)
Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls
Bullying at School: What We Know and What We Can Do (Understanding Children's Worlds)
And Words Can Hurt Forever: How to Protect Adolescents from Bullying, Harassment, and Emotional Violence
