Amazon.com
Written by Dr. Love, a sex therapist with an aptronym if ever there was one, Hot Monogamy is no contradiction in terms. Comedian Dave Barry may joke about his guide to "marriage and/or sex," but Dr. Love's book proves that becoming sensually and "sexually fluent" is a skill that can send flames soaring, no matter how long you've been a couple or how humdrum your sex life has become.
Hot Monogamy includes a nine-step program that starts with a self-quiz for each partner for determining "sexual style." This helps pinpoint which areas need to be worked on, such as resolving differences in desire--one of the most common problems among long-term couples. Communication is a big topic, but another painless quiz helps reveal romantic expectations both in and out of bed to help clarify exactly where overlooked problems may be festering.
Then comes technique. The chapter "Variety: How to Have More Fun in Bed" may prove the most useful, with discussions of sex toys, fantasy, sex games, and other forms of experimentation. Dr. Love is a firm believer in the G spot, and clearly explains how to make maximum fireworks with it. The book also includes contact information for sexual products that can be sent to you confidentially, as well as guidelines and resources for seeing a sex therapist.
Customer Reviews:
cheaper than a therapist.......2007-05-25
This is an awesome book and is cheaper than a marriage counselor or sex therapist. It has actual written and oral (no pun intended) exercises to help couples get back in touch with each other.
Better book to read is PASSION PLAY.......2004-08-13
by Felice Dunas. Patricia Love makes some good points when she says that a couple should address their sexual issues LONG BEFORE they decide to get into therapy.
Read Dunas's book also. While Dunas' book is very sexually explicit, dealing with the ancient Chinese approach to great sex- yin/yang energy moving - she is very practical she even has a sample monogamy agreement included for couples.
Too Hot!.......2003-03-04
After eight years of marriage, I found Dr. Love's book to be a truly practical, intellectual and stimulating (pun intended!) guide to a more passionate, intimate love relationship. Be sure to share this with all your friends!
Dr. "Love" Has No Clue About It.......2000-03-24
Only a woman who had a marriage end because of her own lack of interest of sex could have written a book like this. She writes that a lack of interest in sex does not mean a lack of love. I have discovered that only two groups of people feel this way: Men who have wives with a high level of sexual desire and who initiate sex on a regular basis, and women with a low level of sexual desire who probably lost a husband by saying "I don't care if I ever do it again."
A real saucy sizzler!.......1999-05-02
My bedroom hadnt seen any action since the Alomo however Dr Love's book sure got them beans a jumping for me and my wife. The techniques sexplored between the pages (or should I say sheets) of Dr Love's raunch manual are satisfying yet not too taxing on the old bones. I would thoroughly recomend this sauce fest to anyone who is lagging in the old sexual athletics. Ive gone from a three leegged race to an Olympian and its all thanks to Doc L.O.V.E. This book is the literary equivalent of a Barry White record. Buy it today and I garuantee you won't look back. I couldnt pick it up now I can't put it down(know what I mean ladies?).Thanks you DR.Love.
Book Description
With their trademark insight, humor, and candid personal perspectives, Bill and Pam Farrel reveal the truths about the sexual relationship in marriage and what husbands and wives need to know to keep the embers burning.
- Sex is like fireworks!—why a little skill turns marriage into red–hot monogamy
- How sex works best emotionally, physically, and physiologically
- How to avoid the pleasure thieves that steal your chance for fulfillment
The Farrels present difficult–to–discuss topics and biblical truths in universal language with sensitivity, fun, and understanding.
For newlyweds, golden anniversary celebrants, and all couples in between—this book inspires the gift of romance and passion to fuel lives with love.
Customer Reviews:
Highly Recommend.......2007-09-27
I highly recommend this book for any Christian couple. It is a godly book with a biblical perspective. We are actually studying this book in our Sunday School class and are getting closer as a couple through what we are learning.
Red-Hot Monogamy: Making Your Marriage Sizzle.......2007-08-23
We used this book in our family and marriage class at church. It was such a wonderful opportunity to discuss intimate issues and God's blessing upon marital intimacy!!
I would HIGHLY recommend this book to all Christian married couples!!
Not for people with young kids.......2007-08-20
I have 3 small children. The authors of this book talk about how busy they were when their son was getting married and they multiple obligations, yet still made sex a priority. While I agree it should be a priority in marriage, I think their suggestions that is necessary to find 4 hours a week, 12 hours a month and 48 hours quarterly to spend totally alone and devoted to sex are unrealistic to anyone who has small kids. WHO can afford a babysitter this often? They also suggest "kidnapping" your spouse from work but don't get them fired....hum....WHERE are they working? I don't think my boss is going to let my husband come pick me up from work and drive off unannounce and planned for. Perhaps, pastors can easily sneak off from church when it is not Sunday but I don't think that is a reality for those of us holding regular 8 to 5 jobs. I didn't find this book helpful at all.
Refreshing Christian Perspective.......2007-08-09
The Farrels offer what few Christians today seem to be able to handle: candid, appropriate talk about sex and sexuality. Since God created us as sexual beings and since God endorses life-long marriage, and since God says the marriage bed is undefiled, the practical, refreshing, up-front advice in "Red-Hot Monogamy" is encouraging.
Reviewer: Bob Kellemen, Ph.D., is the author of Beyond the Suffering: Embracing the Legacy of African American Soul Care and Spiritual Direction, Soul Physicians, and Spiritual Friends.
Red-Hot Monogamy: Making Your Marriage Sizzle.......2007-03-13
Package arrived in a timely manner and good condition.
Amazon.com
Shattering deeply held beliefs about sexual relationships in humans and other animals, The Myth of Monogamy is a much needed treatment of a sensitive issue. Written by the husband and wife team of behavioral scientist David P. Barash and psychiatrist Judith Eve Lipton, it glows with wit and warmth even as it explores decades of research undermining traditional precepts of mating rituals. Evidence from genetic testing has been devastating to those seeking monogamy in the animal kingdom; even many birds, long prized as examples of fidelity, turn out to have a high incidence of extra-pair couplings. Furthermore, now that researchers have turned their attention to female sexual behavior, they are finding more and more examples of aggressive adultery-seeking in "the fairer sex." Writing about humans in the context of parental involvement, the authors find complexity and humor:
Baby people are more like baby birds than baby mammals. To be sure, newborn cats and dogs are helpless, but this helplessness doesn't last for long. By contrast, infant Homo sapiens remain helpless for months ... and then they become helpless toddlers! Who in turn graduate to being virtually helpless youngsters. (And then? Clueless adolescents.) So there may be some payoff to women in being mated to a monogamous man, after all.
Careful to separate scientific description from moral prescription, Barash and Lipton still poke a little fun at our conceptions of monogamy and other kinds of relationships as "natural" or "unnatural." Shoring themselves up against the inevitable charges that their reporting will weaken the institution of marriage, they make sure to note that monogamy works well for most of those who desire it and that one of our uniquely human traits is our ability to overcome biology in some instances. If, as some claim, monogamy has been a tool used by men to assert property rights over women, then perhaps one day The Myth of Monogamy will be seen as a milestone for women's liberation. --Rob Lightner
Book Description
Applying new research to sex in the animal world, esteemed scientists David P. Barash and Judith Eve Lipton dispel the notion that monogamy comes naturally. In fact, as The Myth of Monogamy reveals, biologists have discovered that for nearly every species, cheating is the rulefor both sexes.Reviewing findings from the same DNA fingerprinting science employed in the courtroom, Barash and Lipton take readers from chickadee nests to chimpanzee packs to explain why animals cheat. (Some prostitute themselves for food or protection, while others strive to couple with genetically superior or multiple mates.) The Myth of Monogamy then illuminates the implications of these dramatic new findings for humans, in our relationships, as parents, and more. The Myth of Monogamy at last brings scientific insight into this emotionally charged aspect of the ultimate dating and marriage quandary.
Customer Reviews:
Wow.......2007-05-05
This book explains everything I always wanted to know about our relationship habits and how we are more similar to other animals than we would ever expect. I learned a lot from this book, but also gained a ton of affirmation that my personal life was not as crazy as some people make it out to be.
An excellent choice for anybody that is poly, wondering if they are poly, or just wants to learn the facts.
false comparative analysis.......2006-11-26
I'm sorry but there are some serious flaws with the logic of this book and its comparison between animal behaviour and human. To speak of monogamy in terms of myth simply because animals and humans exibit tendencies toward bed-hopping displays embarrasing ignorance of the tools of human thought. You might as well write "the myth of incest" "the myth of murder" surely there is enough data in the mammal world to verify that killing, cannabalism,etc. are not "unnatural".
Besides a statement like "monogamy is rare" is not very intelligent given the fact that within the majorities' experience monogamy is not only common but cherished. Humans exhibit many tendencies above which it is our honour to rise. This book simply assumes that a human can be summed up in biological terms or that monogamy can be explained as the imposed tenet of a sex-phobic religious scheme. This is simply not true. It doesn't matter how many people practice polygamy since human morality is not a matter of popular vote but a sense of justice(think of incest or murder before you say morality is subjective). The fact that we are the only mammal that requires almost 18+ years to reach maturity would also play a huge role in the choice of monogamy since the needs of human offspring seem to demand it as is amply evident from the sociological problems that plague children in divorce or unstable family situations.
I give it two stars because I see no problem with collecting data on the mating habits of the animal kingdom and it would have received more in this regard had the whole book not been steered toward oversimplifying the complexity of husband/wife interpersonal relationship with the hormone responses of the biological organisms. "Why does monogamy occur at all?" says chapter five... if you want your answer then sit quietly; stare into your spouse's eyes and see your own being and history unfold; see the moments they only have shared; meet a mind that knows your every like, quirk, strength and weakness and loves you by solemn and continually renewed vow till death does part. Monogamy is the crown of civilization and the victory of Equality and Personal dignity. "Why hasn't polygamy occured to me?" Because I AM A MAN.
Finally The Truth, But We Do Have A Choice.......2005-05-14
An excellent book that tells the truth, but we do have a choice. Our animal part of our brain is not very monagamous. However, the cerebral part of our brain can make a choice to build a partnership. That partnership is not based on the fear of being caught, but is based on the joy and delight of building a wonderful team effort in life. LIfe is quite difficult and having this team partnership of two greatly improves the joys that can be achieved in life. It is a case where one plus one doesn't equal two but equals three or more.
"We are biological creatures . . . ".......2003-02-26
Keep that notion in mind as you follow the authors on their marvelous tour of sexual behaviour in all nature. Most of us were raised with the notion that humans "must" be monogamous. Often, animals such as swans or foxes were held up as examples to emulate. Barash and Lipton expose the hollow basis of these examples. The notion of human monogamy becomes a fragile ideal - nature, and we are part of nature, is anything but monogamous. In a book combining solid science and entertaining prose, this pair have produced an informal, but information-packed review of new finds in the sexual behaviour of a wealth of species.
One small flaw must be dealt with first - sexual behaviour studies must retreat from overuse of the poor screw-worm fly. The authors cannot resist numerous word plays on the poor creature's name. As the subject of an early attempt at controlling pest populations, the screw-worm fly initiated the host of studies of sexual behaviour among animals. Barash and Lipton describe sterilization of this insect as largely successful, reducing its population significantly. Screw-
worm flies are monogamous, which reinforced the notion as predominant in nature. However, a 1970s groundbreaking paper indicated monogamy might not be universal in animals. From that start a wealth of new studies demonstrated that it was monogamy that was rare, not the reverse. The screw-worm fly turned out to be a rare exception to the rule, and the basis of comparison for the later research.
Bowing to the expected abuse of "anthropomorphising" biology, the authors eschew "adultry" in favour of EPC [Extra Pair Copulation] in describing the common practice in nature. They show the distinction between "social" and "sexual" pairing. Social pairing includes nest building, territorial defence, raising offspring and other "family matters." Copulation itself, they show, has many more factors involved than simply insemination. Mates must be available, attractive or both. Age, health, even "marital status" may be taken into consideration. And these factors are weighed for "adultery" in animals! Males might need a special physiology or the ability to prevent EPC, even while seeking to achieve it on their own.
As they must, the authors arrive at last at humans. Noting how difficult research on human sexual behaviour is to document, they cite, albeit with many reservations, several noteworthy studies. If nothing else, the work proclaims that monogamy among humans is not the "norm." In relating the studies, they present anthropological data, surveys of modern societies and clinical studies. The authors grind no axes and are quick to criticise studies they feel are suspect. The dearth of valid data, however, leads them to present any plausible suggestion that seems either supportable or capable of further investigation. Throughout the narrative they insist that no predictable pattern can be applied to humans any more than with the other animals. Even our closest relatives all retain individuality among their members.
A running theme in the book is the authors' call for more research. How do female blue tits judge the ability of some males to resist winter cold more than others. "No one knows. [Yet]" and similar statements permeate the book. Anyone fearing there is little in biology left to investigate should read this. The sparseness of their references certainly supports this plea. While much work has been done, particularly in recent years, an immense range of study topics remains to be investigated. Younger readers should seriously consider the number of topics requiring clarification. A valuable book for these and many reasons.
The Truth Is Revealed, But Choice Is Always Ours.......2003-02-13
What I mean by "Truth is revealed, the choice is ours", is the theme of this review. It is also the message in the book, although many readers have misinterpreted the entire theme, believing the co-authors, David P. Barash and Judith E. Lipton, are simply feeding us hard reality and crushing dreams of blissful and faithful marriage. David and Judith are experienced, older scientists, specializing in the observation of birds and apes, with a profound understanding of logic, human emotions, sociobiology and biology in general. They both hold high degrees- Judith has an M.D. and David holds a Ph.D. It is noteworthy, also, that they are a happily married couple and have been so for many years. Their real message and theme from this outstanding book is that although by nature, humans are generally not faithful to their long-term mate (spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend), we have evolved so much that we can chose to be faithful and monogamous to our partner and truly be satisfied, fulfilled and completely happy. Monogamy is not extinct, it is rare. Half of all marriages end in divorce. When a couple has been together for many years, it's world news. It is the greatest partnership, relationship, union, and the most peaceful, happiest and fullest feeling. But it is always the individual's choice. If a partner cannot remain faithful, we now have a reason and explanation for it.
The reason why so many find it difficult to be faithful to their partner for a long time, is biological. Originally, before an evolved society with its ground rules grew from primitive communism, the homo sapien men were polygamous, especially because genetically, nature demanded variety from their offspring. Incest, of course, was formerly practiced to keep a family bloodline, true even to the highest societies, royal dynasties of ancient Egypt, etc. There was a time when free will seemed to bother no one, and men had many wives, shared partners and even shared land. But eventually, power and property was established, much like class systems, and it came to be a violation when someone "outside" the group took one of the wives from another male. Feeling of jealousy and ownership were established and so, when religion began to take over people's consciousness, they labeled this "taking", "adultery". The biological needs of women are important in the scene, as well, in fact, perhaps the most important link. Women's sex cells contain life-giving ovum, enabling them to bear children, and because they are so few and rare in them, they are selective about their sexual/romantic/etc partners. They are far more choosy because it is going to reflect on the ensuing progeny, their children. Men's sperm is abundant and cheap, and they are less selective. It's all down to our biological make-up. This book is very casual about the whole matter and contains not only very scientifically accurate truth, but very genuine humor and witty lines, making reading this book very enjoyable.
This book is very insightful, and opened my eyes about sex, relationships and the many unbreakable "differences" between men and women, such as why do women like tall men ? Why are men so attracted to larger breasts, why are men far more visual and enjoy pornography and why do women act demure and modest in order to attract their mate before showcasing their wild sexual abandon ? These all contain biological reasons. But this does not mean that men are women are not equals, nor are we forever ruled by "animal instincts". We are more intelligent than the animals and have evolved so wonderfully, that we can now chose to be married for a long time with a single mate and live happily ever after.
Amazon.com
Peggy Vaughn, who's been featured on Oprah! and CNN, has helped thousands of folks recover from affairs. As the extramarital-affairs expert behind AOL's "Ask Peggy" forum and as a woman who's been married for 40 years to her high school sweetheart--who cheated on her for seven years while she kidded herself that he was remaining faithful--she certainly knows what she's talking about. She says that to successfully overcome an unfaithful spouse or companion, you have to work through the myths of monogamy. It's not just men, or men who travel a lot on business, or women with supermodel good looks, who cheat. It's people of all ages, all occupations: from pastors to postal workers to, well, presidents. In other words, everyone is at risk for betraying or being betrayed.
Studies conservatively estimate, Vaughan reveals, that 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an affair. "These figures are even more significant when we consider the total number of marriages involved, since it's unlikely that all the men and women having affairs happen to be married to each other," she says. "If even half the women having affairs (or 20 percent) are married to men not included in the 60 percent having affairs, then at least one partner will have an affair in approximately 80 percent of all marriages."
Vaughn outlines the societal causes and supporters of affairs, from the commercialization of sex in every visible nook and cranny of our world to our lifelong tendency to surround sex with secrecy. She also lists the common desperate measures that people take when they suspect they're being cheated on, and why they don't work. (Vaughn herself resorted to becoming a gourmet cook, wearing sexy underwear, and acting like a sex fiend in bed, all to no avail.) She also tells what to expect during a confrontation, and includes copious techniques for rebuilding self-esteem. There's also information about how to choose a marriage counselor or group therapist and, even more important, when to stop seeing one. For couples--especially those with children--debating whether to divorce or remain married, there's plenty of proven guidance to be found here. --Erica Jorgensen
Book Description
Expanded and updated—acclaimed by readers, reviewers, and counselors as the best book to help people struggling to recover from a partner's affair.
For more than 14 years, Peggy Vaughan's book has been heralded as one of the most valuable survival and recovery guides for men or women experiencing a partner's unfaithfulness. Drawing on actual case studies, research, and her own experience, she helps us to understand the stages of suspicion, confrontation, and the healing process necessary to recovery, including rebuilding self-esteem, the marriage/divorce dilemma, and seeking professional help. Also, she shares her proven six-step program for establishing communication between partners that can actually prevent affairs.
Peggy Vaughan revises and expands her book to include more reactions and strategies shared by her readers, updated references (such as to the Monica Lewinsky affair), and an important section on the Internet and its effect on relationships.
Customer Reviews:
Not helpful.......2007-09-17
This book was terrible...It made me so angry I actually threw it away.
Basic premise seems to be that a cheating spouse is not to blame for their
behavior. It provides all sorts of 'society made him do it' nonsense. I was looking for a book that would help me to heal and somehow rebuild my marriage with my husband after discovering his long term affair with my best friend. I suppose different people may find it helpful but I found it to be completely worthless in that regard.
If you read only a few books on affairs, read this one.......2007-08-09
The Monogamy Myth is one of the best, most balanced, most practical books to inform you and help you to recover, written by someone who has lived through this. If you choose only to read a handful of books to aid you in recovery, or inform you about affair-prevention, I would recommend this be one of them.
By reading only the title of the book, one may get the impression that Peggy Vaughan is suggesting that monogamy itself is a myth. She is not, quite the contrary. In fact, James and Peggy Vaughan have now enjoyed over 30 years of monogamy since their discovery of what it REALLY takes to be monogamous. This book is not only a practical guide for any individual or couple wishing to recover from affairs it is a book for anyone wishing to be informed about affairs, both recovery and prevention.
The Monogamy Myth, Ms. Vaughan refers to is the fact that our society largely professes to be monogamous, when in fact statistically at least one partner will have an affair in 80% of marriages. The myth is that we as a culture profess to embrace monogamy, while we are not practicing it. This book shows you how to make monogamy your truthful experience, and not just a myth in your marriage.
Vaughan writes, "The effect of believing that most marriages or committed relationships are monogamous is that if an affair happens, it's seen strictly as a personal failure of the people involved. This leads to personal blame, personal shame, wounded pride, and almost universal feelings of devastation."
Anyone wishing to truly recover from affairs needs to at some point be able to begin to frame their personal situation in a larger context of how affairs happen, and what the common patterns are.
This book will show the faithful spouse how to get beyond the tendency to blame ourselves for the affair, in fact it shows us how to get beyond the tendency to blame altogether. In the end, blaming is not productive towards healing.
It will help each person involved to take responsibility for the right things, and that leads to positive change. When the right people take responsibility for the right things, you begin to discover the root causes of the affair/s, leading not only to healing, but to monogamy.
For years there has been a vast degree of ignorance around the understanding of affairs. When it comes to affairs, ignorance is not bliss. But how can people know, when for so long, it has been socially unacceptable to discuss affairs (unless discussing a Hollywood movie star). This groundbreaking book is the beginning of the end of the silence. It's about time we all knew the truth! Thank you Peggy for breaking the silence and giving us an invaluable resource to help us actually be monogamous (and fulfilled in love), instead of just professing or hoping to be.
Book review.......2007-05-12
Some useful information for recovering from an affair. I don't completely buy her theory, but there are several helpful chapters.
One of most helpful books for recovery.......2007-02-07
My husband and I have been recovering from his 2 1/2 year infidelity for a year now. This book and "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass were the TWO absolutely most helpful things to get us through this time of crisis. I appreciate the courage of Peggy Vaughn to go public with the infidelity and the road towards recovery. I would have felt absolutely suicidal and alone without knowing that others had recovered from this. It is such an isolating and frightening experience. I agree with her - we need to get the public conversation going. People need to start talking about infidelity in a PRODUCTIVE way - not just a titillating way - if we are going to do anything to help prevent, recover, and heal from it. Also if we are going to do anything to keep families healthy and sane after its devastating effects.
Great Book for the Adulterer.......2007-02-06
Peggy Vaughan's qualifications are that her husband cheated on her 15 times in 7 years. Anyone can write a book about anything. That does not make that person an expert. Ms Vaughan's book is based on the premise that there is nothing wrong with the adulterer. She claims that society is to blame for why people cheat. She also says that serial cheating is not a sex addiction. There are many educated experts who would disagree with her. Fifteen affairs? There are definitely issues in that person's life and/or background.
She also states that women are now cheating almost as much as men, so she provides lots of instances of females cheating. I have been alive for 45 years and have heard of MANY, MANY men cheating, but only one woman. Yes, women cheat, but at a much lower rate than men. I am tired of questionaires being touted as scientific evidence (especially from sources like women's magazines!). That is riduculous.
Monogomy is not a myth. Men and women, alike, truly want to marry someone they really love and have a life and family together. If this were not the case, men just would not get married. If men wanted multiple sex partners, they could just not get married. Monogomy is a choice that men make. They have to want to do it and take steps to accomplish it. Personal problems ARE why men (and women) fail at monogomy. If you are depressed, angry, bored, anxious, etc., it is difficult to exercise your will and honor your marriage.
Cheating is an addiction just like shopping, gambling, drugs, alcohol, pornography--you name it. A person has to look within himself or herself to get to the root cause. After that, he or she needs to evaluate their relationship and communicate with their partner. If none of that works, they might as well get a divorce and sleep with all the people they think they must have.
Finally, Ms Vaughan does try to give comfort to people going through this experience. That's kind of her and might make some people feel better. She says affairs/sex are veiled in secrecy. They're not--they're private for some people. There's a difference.
Book Description
In reading The Lesbian Polyamory Reader: Open Relationships, Non-Monogamy, and Casual Sex, you'll quickly discover that the steps toward love and happiness are as easy as 1, 2, 3, and maybe even 4 or 5. And you'll find that if your own lesbian relationship lies outside the "traditional monogamous couple" model, you're definitely not alone. You'll explore many multifaceted and multifarious love relationships, each one applicable to your own liking, if you so choose. You'll find successful models of relationship styles-regardless of your own orientation-from cover to cover, and you'll discover the pleasing polyphony in the many, many female voices of authorities on love and love relationships. Whereas other similar studies project the limited view of one or two authors, The Lesbian Polyamory Reader calls upon a broad scope of writers, professional women and academics alike. You'll see that outside the gay rights movement that currently pushes for a traditional, monogamous marriage model of gay couplehood, there lies pleasing multiplicity in the arms and hearts of lesbians worldwide. Specifically, this collection offers:-"first person" articles-stories that describe a variety of lesbian experiences relating to multiple lovers in the 1970s, '80s, and '90s -"how-to" articles-descriptions of the various polyamorous relationship configurations, including ways of dealing with jealousy-"theoretical" pieces-the history of multiple relationships, the social implications of practicing a love style other than monogamous coupling, and safer sex considerations. Much, much more than a book on personal satisfaction, The Lesbian Polyamory Reader also focuses on the social implications of this love phenomenon, bringing it into a more inclusive circle of discussion for lesbians, educators, and students of sociology and sexology. You'll find satisfaction in seeing the love so many lesbian women have achieved by not mimicking the "marriage model" of living.
Customer Reviews:
Changed my world.......2000-11-21
I've gone from knowing nothing of polyamoury to finally understanding what the nagging feeling that "something isn't right" is. I haven't been able to put this book down! My partner and I have finally opened discussions around the topic, where we would have felt threatened. This book shares many, many different experiences, and advice... along with very candidly sharing the emotions and complexities surrounding polyamoury. If you'd like a series of intellectual essays, written by many women with many experiences, I'd highly reccomend this book.
Open your mind and your heart will follow.......2000-03-28
WOW...finally I know there is a name for my way of looking at relationships. It will be a gift for any womyn that I am dating. Even friends. Even if this lifestyle is not for you its a must read. This book is eaisly read. There were parts where there was tears cause it touched me so deeply. This book moved me, made me see Im not alone. Its way above five stars!
Average customer rating:
- A Different Point of View
- Awsome form of self help for the intelligent!
- THIS BOOK SHOULD BE READ BY EVERYONE!
- interesting philosophical text
- Hallmark thoughts from a brilliant person
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Monogamy
Adam Phillips
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Equals
ASIN: 0679442642
Release Date: 1997-01-21 |
Book Description
In his preface to this highly charged volume, psychologist
Adam Phillips suggests that today's raging controversies over the nature of marriage and the soaring divorce rate are actually discussions about monogamy: What brings people together? Why should they, in fact, stay together? "What are couples for," he asks, "if they are not for pleasure? And if pleasure doesn't matter, then what does?"
Phillips gives us 120 deliberately arguable aphorisms ("Every marriage is a blind date that makes you wonder what the alternatives are to a blind date." or "As yet, the promiscuous cannot grow old gracefully. But this may say more about our ideas of dignity, than of aging.") that discuss the concept of monogamy from every angle, discovering what it is and what it isn't, uncovering in it "a kind of moral nexus, a keyhole through which we can spy on our preoccupations."
No reader will come away from this wholly unexpected book without feeling challenged to re-evaluate, and perhaps reconstruct, the time-honored (or is it time-hardened?) notions we hold about monogamy.
Customer Reviews:
A Different Point of View.......2006-08-25
While you may not agree with what the author is saying. This book is a fun read with a different point of view. Recommended if you want to broaden your point of view to include a few you might not agree with.
Awsome form of self help for the intelligent!.......2003-06-15
Warning: This is not for the weak at heart. If you are afraid of being asked to question everything you have been taught was right and wrong, good and bad, and happy and sad, then don't buy this book. You will think the thing is evil and throw it away or something.
However, Mr. Phillips' aphorisms will make you a stronger person if you let them in. They are food for thought, though I hate to use that cliche. This man will make you reevaluate all of your ideals. And sometimes, in doing so, they become enforced. "Monogamy" makes you think, instead of telling you what you want to hear! Be shocked, and, if you're lucky, gain new meaning in your relationships with yourself and others.
THIS BOOK SHOULD BE READ BY EVERYONE!.......2000-06-08
Written as 121 aphorisms this book is a constant source of amusement, enlightenment and decadence. It has appealled to both male and female friends of mine and stands as essential reading for anyone who has ever doubted the merits of coupledom, and that must be everyone! Phillips comes up with thoughts and interpretations that stand alongside the greatest thinkers of the past two centuries. Always challenging and provactive the text literally moves you into a state of mind you never imagined you could feel so comfortable with. I recommend this book should be read by everyone, and the younger the better. It is a revolutionary book that's impact stands alongside writers like J.P.Sartre, J.S.Mill, Franz Fanon, Nietzsche and Karl Marx. This book makes couples nervous and single people smile.It is a delight and a work of art. Many friends of mine have bought extra copies for friends and frankly anyone criticising this book may simply be fearful of freedom itself.
interesting philosophical text.......1999-01-11
An interesting set of thoughts on the nature of fidelity and expectation. they seem as much a question to the reader as they are assertions of truth. Deep, funny, outrageous and revealing thoughts for those who like to ponder being.
Hallmark thoughts from a brilliant person.......1998-02-02
How could he do it? Phillips is a wonderful essayist and biographer (of Winnicott), and thinks energetically, creatively, and deeply about many topics in psychology, culture, philosophy, and literature. With apologies to Chas.Shultz, this book reminds me of an updated, even nerdier version of "Love is Walking Hand in Hand, " and it's a puzzling disappointment. Admirers of the work of Adam Phillips will likely be less than satisfied with this little book of aphorisms -- really, most are highbrow one-liners -- by such a (usually) creative, provocative, and satisfying writer.
Book Description
Why do birds often live in pairs and rear chicks together, whereas female mammals usually live in groups and rear their young without male help? Why do males sometimes live with a single mate when they are capable of fertilizing more than one female's eggs? Is male helping behavior important for monogamous partnerships? This book provides answers concerning the biological roots of social monogamy in animal groups as diverse as ungulates, carnivores, rodents, birds and primates (including humans) for students and researchers in behavioral ecology, evolutionary anthropology and zoology.
Book Description
Divine Sex examines every Biblical reference to human sexual practice. By using tools of modern scholarship, evidence is produced to show that the Bible does not actually say what generations of professional religionists have told us. The Bible does not forbid all sexual activity other than monogamous heterosexual intercourse. Instead it treats us to a wide range of God-approved, and sometimes even God-supplied, sexual possibilities that the church has never told us about. In fact, the most famous erotic poem in history, is actually a book of the Bible!
God is the Architect both of human sexuality, and of sexual pleasure. The passion, pleasure and possibilities of sex are His gift to humanity. Like any proud parent, Father God is pleased and honored when His kids delight in His gift/ God made sex to be fun. He is not embarrassed nor is He angered when we enjoy it. Sex as God designed it to be is truly Divine.
From polygamy and concubinage, to prostitution, to masturbation, to oral sex, to nudity - and all else besides - this study of what the Bible actually says, and does not say, will surprise, perhaps elate, and we believe will liberate the reader from the sex-stifling effects of church dogma.
Sex without religious baggage. Sex without guilt and shame. Sex as the Creator meant it to be. Divine Sex.
For more information on spiritual freedom visit the author's website, www.freedomguide.net
Customer Reviews:
Thelos' Work Is Replete With Errors .......2006-11-10
Thelos shows correct reasoning and use of the scriptures in the 1st chapter of his book.
But after that, his misunderstanding and misapplication of the scriptures is astonishing... verse after verse, example after example.
For instance, he makes the incredible statement: "No scripture forbids homosexuality" (p. 210). But just the opposite is true. The Holy Spirit, through the Apostle Paul, condemns homosexuality in the clearest and strongest of terms in 1 Cor. 6:9-10, where Paul says that homosexuals will NOT "inherit the Kingdom of God," and also in 1 Tim. 1:9-10, where Paul describes them as "ungodly and sinful...unholy and irreligious" and includes them in the same category with "murderers."
Thelos is also in error in his comments on homosexuality and the events of Sodom and Gomorrah. He says that the homosexual acts per se, committed by the men in these cities, was not what was sinful in the eyes of God, but only when the men of Sodom wanted to have sexual relations with the 2 men who were angels of God, who went to Lot's house to stay the night there. Thelos says it is this sin ALONE... the men of Sodom wanting to have sexual relations with the 2 angels of the Lord... that drew God's wrath upon the city, NOT the behavior of the homosexuals with each other in general.
But the scriptures utterly refute this claim: BEFORE the 2 angels of God had even entered the city (Sodom), God said this about its homosexual residents: "Then the Lord said, 'The outcry against Sodom and Gomorrah is so great AND THEIR SIN SO GRIEVOUS that I will go down and see if what they have done is as bad as the outcry that has reached me. If not, I will know'" (Gen. 18:20-21). Then, starting with Gen. 18:23, the scriptures show perfectly clear that God's intention was to destroy the 2 cities BEFORE the 2 angels had even entered the city, let alone had been accosted by the perverts of the city.
Therefore, Thelos is PATENTLY WRONG in saying that the Bible does NOT condemn homosexuality, just as he is wrong about numerous other points he makes in his book.
Well written and serious look at what the Bilble says concerning Sex.......2006-11-10
This excellent book uses the scriptures to address what the bible says about sex. It challenges traditional views for those who will read it without predjudice. Author Thelos will open eyes to the question, is what the church teaching about the gift of sex what God intended? I highly recommend this book as a wonderful start to those wishing to delve into a study of this controversial subject.
Seperating religion from sex.......2006-03-21
This book will help break religous ideas and judgments of the past. Very liberating book on sex. If you dare to be open to new truth, then try this one out.
Fantastic Book.......2005-11-08
In Divine Sex the author takes you step by step through the scripture and explains why he believes the traditional church has created non Biblical sexual rules. In this book, Thelos examines scripture, uses multiple references and interpretations, chooses an interpretation, then uses the principles from the scripture to illuminate Godly sexuality in today's world. It is a fantastic book which should be read by anyone with a true desire to understand Biblical sexuality. The only drawback of this book is that it is redundant in multiple places.
As a previous poster mentioned, Dirt, Greed, and Sex is also a fantastic read, however, the interpretations differ in multiple places. Also, the writings of Countryman focus primarily on the purity laws of the Old and New Testament in determining Biblically appropriate sexual lifestyles. Countryman's interpretation, for today's sexuality, centers around the ideas of purity of the heart instead of physical purity (as in the Old Testament). However, I would also rank Dirt, Greed, and Sex with five stars. Dirt, Greed, and Sex is invaluable because of the detailed and painstaking analysis of the Jewish purity laws and the discussion of whether those purity laws apply today.
Finally a book that says what I saw the Bible say.......2005-06-05
I really enjoyed this book. I remember in my teens reading
that masturbation was a sin but they didn't give one single
verse from the Bible that said so. It took me 5 or 6 years
to be able to find the medical info so that I had both medicine
and the Bible agreeing before I was brave enough to say to
myself that masturbation wasn't a sin. It was many many
more years before I could tell someone else that masturbation
wasn't a sin. This book will help you be brave to says what
the Bible says. Then read "Dirty, Greed and Sex" and find
out about how sex relates to the "purity laws" and "property
laws." While these books don't agree on everything, the do
support each other a lot.
Book Description
Before you see a marriage counselor - before you end your present relationship - listen to the facts about love, your body, and intimacy on Hot Monogamy Workshop. This complete audio learning set reveals startling new information, for the first time, about why desire goes out of a relationship - and what you can do to put it back in again. If you think passion is purely an emotion, think again. Recent breakthrough brain research has identified PEA, an adrenaline-based hormone.
Through her pioneering work, Dr. Patricia Love has illustrated the link between this powerful biochemical and the passion we experience during the first months in a relationship. Create a fine "vintage" love affair
On Hot Monogamy Workshop you will gain the tools you need to make the transition from "romantic" (hormonally influenced) love to "vintage" love - a love that grows deeper and more passionate with age. You will learn a unique set of exercises and techniques - almost like homework assignments - for couples who want to re-ignite and sustain the passion in their lovemaking together. Hot Monogamy Workshop will help you rediscover the most sensual, romantic, and meaningful love affair you will ever experience: the one you are in right now.
Customer Reviews:
Yikes, I'd rather call my mother for marital advice........2001-01-23
I understand that it's difficult to educate a wide audience on sustaining fulfilling, exciting, monogamous relationships, but I found Patricia Love's cassette a hodge-podge of trite and bossy psycho-babble replete with advice exactly COUNTER to the relationship authors I admire the most.
If you are someone who likes to make informed decisions based on a pool of various and unbiased facts, these cassettes probably aren't for you. If, however, you like being told what's what in that authoritative tone your high school gym teacher was so fond of, then click that "buy" button now.
Although I appreciate the convenience of cassette tapes, I found myself further distracted from the content by Patricia Love's voice. She spoke in a tone that wasn't quite whiny and annoying, but not quite pleasant; consider reading the book if you're inclined to buy Love's work-- which will also probably save you from her poorly delivered attempts at humor.
This product meets my three-strikes rule: didn't like the content, didn't like the delivery, didn't like the author. Boo.
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