History: Fiction or Science? (Chronology, No. 1)

Book Description

Recorded history is a finely-woven magic fabric of intricate lies about events predating the sixteenth century. There is not a single piece of evidence that can be reliably and independently traced back earlier than the eleventh century. This book details events that are substantiated by hard facts and logic, and validated by new astronomical research and statistical analysis of ancient sources.

Customer Reviews:

Calculations are only as good as your numbers.......2007-08-03

Yes, we can all agree that mainstream history is nearly 100% BS due to politics, economics, ego, problems with dating techniques, and various conspiracies. Agreed. But, I've been researching the distinct possibility that human history (in terms of civilizations) are much more ancient than we've been told, so coming across this book was very interesting to me. I wondered how Fomenko could be wrong (if at all) because he is very persuasive in his presentations. Then it dawned on me. If at previous times in prehistory, due to the various catastrophies that are well documented (comets, asteroids, planetary disruptions, plasma discharge, pole reversals, etc) the Earth was in a different position in relation to the sun, different tilt on its axis, different orbit, different rotation (in terms of velocity and DIRECTION), and the continents were in different positions, then would this not cause the ancients to see the sky (constellations) differently? In other words, is Fomenko making erronious assumptions about the physics of the Earth in pre-history, which then corrupt his data with regards to dating the relevant astrology? The last event to seriously disrupt our planet occured roughly 3500 years ago, according to other good researchers, so is it possible Fomenko has been confused by this? The vastly different physics of our planet in the not so distant past may explain this confusion, which is not to say the "mainstream" version of history is correct; on the contrary. I am not an expert in these fields, but wanted to see if this idea could spark discussion.

Pants on fire?.......2007-07-19

Will people ever read before spamming? Yes, Jesuits could not rewrite world history alone, they had help. Anyway, Dr Prof Acad A.Fomenko does not point to jesuits as the driving force of world wide history manipulation in published volumes 1,2,3;, actually he barely mentions the poor devils. Check it with 'Search inside' feature, please. China is rarely mentioned either, in fact, Dr Fomenko is completely eurocentric. Right, his theory contradicts all mainstream schools of history, because in their actual state they are all built on blatantly erroneus chronology. You don't need a mysterious cabal (conspiracy) to falsify history, the falsification is its modus operandi. It is inherent to history(ians) to falsify (distort) events, as it is inherent to humans to boast as it is inherent to power (authority) to legimize itself by referrring to glorious past made to its own order. Dr Prof Fomenko and team have identified scores of instances of such manipulation in Russian, European, etc.. history, and delivered valid statistical proof thereof. His own 'reconstruction' is completely another story. Forget c14 as a valid method of dating. W.Libby has initially discovered a brilliant method of INDEPENDENT dating. Too bad, c14 method has become a joke after a forced marrige with dendrochronology with consensual chronological scale inbuilt. Radiocarbon method can't stand blind tests, but is so very productive as a rubberstamp.

Accepted History & Chronology Must Be Changed. .......2007-04-09

There is no doubt that history as most know it is a sham, & institution's version of History both University & Church is fradulent & inaccurate. Everything was established with an agenda, The real "Dark Ages" are now when we have access to incredible amounts of information past authorities & more important 'common folk' didn't have but our institutions & educators are slow to evolve because of what has ignorantly & arrogantly been taught for too long. This is on many subjects not just Chronology.

For anyone to question "Why would a Mathematician have anything credible to say of History?" The answer is from Dr. Fomenko's preface in the book: "It would be worthwhile to remind the reader that in the XVI-XVII century Chronology was considered to be a subdivision of Mathematics." These volumes could possibly be some of the most important works to date & should be read by everyone with an interest in History, especially professors & educators who have a duty to the public. I have read both books & must say that 'Chronology 1' has some very eye opening & revolutionary information. Even if these volumes are part true the implications are profound & opens the doors to further investigations & questions which must be done. I speak several different lanquages & must say the logic Dr. Fomenko uses with "inflection" of words & words being read from left to right in one region & right to left in another then written backwards, the removal of vowels & get down to basics of words, or different cities & locations having the same name etc. is correct. Vowel usage has always been optional & varied, actually complicating linquistics & study. The first thing one has to understand is that words never had a fixed spelling in history like we do now, the spelling of words was mutable & regional, as well as names & titles of people were vast, varied & changed, NOTHING WAS FIXED or understood linear. Matters of Life & Death as well as financial profiteering yesterday & today were & are made with ignorant, illogical & conspiratorial views of history & reality, it's time people get closer to the Truth & society collectively grow up.

Very Interesting.......2007-03-07

It is a good proposal and I believe it will mature into something even better in the future. I think it deserves to be read.

History as Science Fiction.......2007-01-10

Anatoly Fomenko has written a very intriguing book, full of pictures, charts, and computer 'proof' of his thesis: backwards of AD900 we don't really know what happened or when. Between AD900 and AD1600 there is more certainty, but there is still a lot of fuzzy ground, and things don't get reliable until we get past the 1600's where the printing press made it very difficult for the perpetrators of this timeline manipulation to change anything that had been committed to print. The Dark Ages did not happen. Books were burned for a reason. One organization has doubled the actual length of its existence by expanding the real chronology. Read why.

I had always wondered why Christ died about AD33 and yet men waited until the 11th century to form the Knights Templar, the Cathars, etc and go after the Holy Land by force. Why the 1000 year gap? Turns out there wasn't more than a 10-12 year gap and he proves it using astronomy. This also implies that the planet is not as old as we have been told, and current Christian and other creationist scientists are already championing that idea without being aware of Fomenko's book. The two groups, creationist scientists and the Russian mathematical analysts corroborate each other. Fascinating.

Of course, all this flies in the face of what we have been told traditionally is the 'proper' chronology of western civilization, and most readers will experience 'cognitive dissonance' in reading this book. It means that our history going backwards from AD1600 becomes progressively more incorrect and unreliable until it cannot be trusted at all... in the space of 700-800 years.

Naturally, the curious, open-minded reader will want to know WHO did this, WHY, and did any of the events we think of as really ancient ever happen?
Dr. Fomenko is a respected scientist/mathematician at Moscow State University who has already answered these questions to the satisfaction of his initially skeptical colleagues. Most of them are now believers, a few still refuse to believe (the usual diehards), and of course the western press has ignored Fomenko's work -- for obvious reasons when you read the book. The ones who perpetrated this chronology ruse have a lot to answer for. They are still with us. That's why this book is a well-kept secret.

I gave the book a 4-star rating because I was unable to check out some of his claims; those I checked were as he said. But if even 1/3 of his claims are true, this punches a big hole in what we think is our history, the meaning of western civilization, our educational process (for repeating the ruse as gospel), and the trustworthiness of the organization that perpetrated this ruse, well-intentioned or not.

This book relates to current research into a Young Earth paradigm, to John Keel's discoveries about our planet, and Fr Malachi Martin's insights (in his now out-of-print books). We are indeed sheep who are manipulated and kept ignorant -- for a reason. While knowing what these men have to say may be the "booby prize" (as in: 'what can you do with this knowledge?'), it will provide interesting reading. Didn't someone say: "...and the Truth will set you free."?? For you to judge if this book contains the truth.

History: Fiction or Science? Chronology 2 (Chronology)

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Check and see
Suprise! Suprise!
Prescient St Augustine?
Something of a disappointment
Romulus courts Helen, Paris founds Rome, Moses goes to Troy..

History: Fiction or Science? Chronology 2 (Chronology)
Anatoly T Fomenko
Manufacturer: Delamere Resources LLC
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

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ASIN: 2913621066

Product Description

`History: Fiction or Science? Chronology 2` is the second volume of the most explosive and astounding tractate on history ever written - however, every theory it contains, no matter how unorthodox, is backed by rock solid scientific data. The book is easy and pleasant to read; it is well-illustrated, contains hundreds of charts, graphs and illustrations, copies of ancient manuscripts, and countless facts attesting to the falsity of the chronology used nowadays. You will be amazed to discover: - That the chronology universally accepted today and taken for granted is simply wrong; - That ALL methods of dating of ancient sources and artefacts known today are erroneous or non-exact; - That there is not a single document that could be reliably dated earlier than the XIth century; The Author refers to the Middle Ages as the Antiquity and proves mutual superimposition of the Second and the Third Roman Empire, both of which become identified as the respective kingdoms of Israel and Judah. Furthermore, he asserts that the famous reform of the Occidental Church in the XI century by Pope Gregory Hildebrand was the reflection of the XII century reforms of Byzantine emperor Andronicus who in his turn identifies with Jesus Christ. The Trojan war counted by Homer happened only as late as of the XIII century A.D. and the great poet actually lived in XIV century A.D. No stone in history of Antiquity is left unturned. Literally. This book is the beginning of a major correction to the chronology we live with.

Customer Reviews:

Check and see.......2007-06-21

I don't care what other people say of this book. Those affirmig it's fake, they hadn't ever read it. Or have some special reasons to do so. "Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see..." This book won't make you feel comfortable. It'll make you feel free. It'll make you feel you're "not the only one" to feel you'd been lied to for centuries.

Suprise! Suprise!.......2007-03-22

Here is a serie of books which turns "the whole world" upside down. I learned a lot of it and I hope that a new book from A.T. Fomenko will follow very quick. A absolute must for everybody who is interested in history or even a little bit from it.

Prescient St Augustine?.......2006-02-05

We can so far divide the New Chronology into the following three parts:

a) The verifiable theory that proves consensual chronology wrong with the aid of astronomy, statistics and mathematics;

b) The new chronology hypothesis based on a new understanding of known historical facts and the most likely logical explanation of the most obvious inconsistencies inherent in the official version of history;

c) The history conjectures, that is experimental historical reconstructions based on assumptions that the authors believe to make sense in the light of their research and linguistic parallels - void of ironclad factual support to date.

Fomenko's theory complies with the most rigid scientific standards as a whole:

It gives a coherent explanation of what we already know.

- It is consistent: independent lines of inquiry all lead to the same conclusion.

- The predictions it makes are confirmed empirically.

Fomenko goes by the following axioms:

- Chronology is the basis of history;

- Human evolution has always been linear, gradual and irreversible;

- The "cyclic" nature of human civilization is a myth, likewise all the gaps, duplicates, "dark ages" and "renaissances" that we know from consensual history;

- The accumulation of geographical knowledge as reflected in cartography is a gradual and irreversible process;

- The chronological distance between a given manuscript and the events described therein is proportional to the amount of distortions it contains;

- There is no "useless" information in authentic ancient sources.

Why the mainstream historians do not shower mathematician Academician Dr.Prof Fomenko with thanks and laurels?

The Russians:

Because Fomenko asserts that there was no such thing as the Tartar and Mongol invasion followed by three centuries of slavery, providing a formidable body of documental evidence to prove his assertion. The so-called "Tartars and Mongols" were the actual ancestors of the modern Russians, living in a bilingual state with Arabic spoken as freely as Russian. The ancient Russian state was governed by a double structure of civil and military authorities. The hordes were actually professional armies with a tradition of lifelong conscription (the recruitment being the so-called "blood tax"). Their "invasions" were punitive operations against the regions that attempted tax evasion. Fomenko proves that Russian history as we know it today is a blatant forgery concocted by a host of German scientists brought to Russia by the usurper dynasty of the Romanovs, whose ascension to the throne was the result of coup d'état, charged with the mission of making their reign look legitimate. Fomenko proves Ivan the Terrible to be a collation of four rulers, no less. They represented the two rival dynasties - the legitimate rulers and the ambitious upstarts. The winner took it all! Over some 30 years of controversy, Russian historians have made a most remarkable transition - they were initially accusing the young mathematician Fomenko of anticommunist dissident activity and attempts to deface the historical legacy of Soviet Russia; nowadays the middle-aged mathematician is accused of adhering to "pro-communist Russian nationalism" and defacing the proud historical legacy of Great Russia.

The Westerners:

Because Fomenko blows consensual Russian history to smithereens, successfully removing a crucial cornerstone from underneath the otherwise impeccable edifice of World History. Fomenko adds insult to injury, wiping out one by one the Ancient Rome (the foundation of Rome in Italy is dated to the XIV century A. D.), the Ancient Greece and its numerous poleis, which he identifies as the mediaeval crusader settlements on the territory of Greece, and the Ancient Egypt (the pyramids of Giza become dated to the XI-XV century A. D. and identified as the royal cemetery of the Global "Mongolian" Empire, no less). The civilization of the Ancient Egypt is irrefutably dated to the XII-XV century A. D. with the aid of the ancient Egyptian horoscopes cut in stone. He was the first one to decipher and date all such horoscopes, coming up with mediaeval dates in every case. English historians rage at the suggestion that the history of Ancient England was de facto a Byzantine import transplanted to the English soil by the fugitive Byzantine nobility. To reward the English historians who consider themselves the true scribes of World History, the cover of the present book portrays Tintoretto's Jesus Christ crucified on the Big Ben.

The Chinese:

Because Fomenko wipes out the Ancient History of China outright. No such thing. Full point. The compilation of the so-called Ancient Chinese History is reliably datable to the XVII-XVIII century only. It is perfectly recognizable as the Ancient European history, reworked and transcribed in hieroglyphs as yet another historical transplantation, this time performed on the Chinese soil by the loving Jesuit hands. The Chinese are the next in line to go berserk. Chinese history is inevitably bound to get both more ancient and more eventful, proportionally to the growing involvement of China in the world affairs. Chinese historians will keep on finding valid proof of prehistoric Chinese spaceflights until the Politburo orders them to shut up.

The Arabs:

Too bad. Islam with all its key figures is datable to XV-XVI century A. D. Arabic historians may find consolation in the crucial historical role of the Ottoman Empire in the XVI-XVII century. The trouble is that this empire was initially a Christian state, with Hagia Sophia identifiable as Temple of Solomon, according to Fomenko! We can only guess if the acquisition of Alexander the Great (a Macedonian and a Christian) as the founder of the Muslim World Empire will make Fomenko's theories more acceptable to the Arabic mainstream. He certainly does not spare any holy cows at all, claiming The Stone of Qa'Aba in Mecca to contain the lost Arch of the Covenant.

The Divinity:

Despite of reiterated statement that his theory is all about chronology and not Religion, Fomenko stirs up a whole condominium of wasp nests. His collection of anathemas, fatwa, and other condemnations from all parties concerned is already considerable. Little wonder, considering that the history of religions à la Fomenko looks as follows: the pre-Christian period (before the XI century and JC), Bacchic Christianity (XI-XII century, before and after JC), JC Christianity (XII-XVI century) and its subsequent mutations into Orthodox Christianity, the Catholicism, Islam, Buddhism, and so on.

According to Fomenko we know strictly NOTHING about the events that predate the X century A. D.

St Augustin was prescient when he spoke unto us: "be wary of mathematicians, particularly when they speak the truth."

Something of a disappointment.......2005-09-09

After having read the first volume of this expected series of 7 volumes I was triggered by the thesis of these authors that ancient Greek and Roman history did in fact take place in the Middle Ages. So I started studying medieval history of the Middle East - also known as Islamic history - to find out if the opponents of the ancient Greeks and Romans - the Acheamenid Persians, Sassanids, Scythians, Egyptians, etc. - also have their duplicates in medieval history. My search was disappointing: none of the many medieval Islamic dynasties seemed to correspond to the ancient middle eastern rulers.

However, I did find a close correspondence between Herodotus' Persian kings and medieval events:

- the defeat and capture of an Anatolian king - the Lydian Croesus - by the Persian conqueror Cyrus is identical to the defeat and capture of another Anatolian king - sultan Bayezid - by the Asian/Mongol conqueror Tamerlane;
- the Persian conquest of Egypt by the cruel tyrant Cambyses reds almost exactly as the Ottoman conquest of Egypt by Selim the Grim (note the nickname!);
- Darius the Lawgiver of the Persian Empire looks very much alike to Sulayman the Magnificent, the Lawgiver in Islamic history;
- Xerxes, whose main claim to fame is to be defeated by the Greeks at the naval battle of Salamis, looks like Selim II (the Sot) whose main claim to fame is to be defeated by a Spanish-Italian alliance at the naval battle of Lepanto.

I should have expected Fomenko et al. to arrive at similar conclusions, however, they claim that the Persian kings are the alter egos of the Angevin kings of Sicily whose biographies do not contain the exploits of the Persian kings.

The similiarities I indicate lead to the conclusion that Herodotus must have written his Histories at the close of the 16th century. But this is extremely late, given that Herodotus is "the Father of History", so therefore all other "ancient" histories must have been fabricated even later. Yet, the founders of modern chronology - Scaliger and Petavius - laid their foundations also at the close of the 16th century and had the full corpus of ancient histories already at their disposal.

It seems to me that Fomenko has to address these inconsistencies, maybe in the forthcoming 5 volumes?

Another critique of their book is that the correspondencies between different rulers are often based on a superficial comparison of the biographies; upon a more thorough comparison many details appear that do not correspond at all.

Finally, the authors rely heavily on the works of Gregorovius (1821-1891!!) - his medieval histories of Rome and Athens - as the source of medieval history; these works are - at least in the West - hoplessly outdated and have been superceded by more up-to-date works (for instance, Julius Norwich's trilogy on Byzantine history is not even cited).

Romulus courts Helen, Paris founds Rome, Moses goes to Troy.........2005-07-30

If you agree with Fomenko that Roman chronology is basically the foundation of the entire edifice of global chronology; you would also certainly agree that despite its numerous gaps and inconsistencies, Roman history is the best-documented field of ancient history, and thus a reference scale. But how well is the actual date of the Eternal City's foundation known?

Firstly, Rome is supposed to have been founded by the Trojans who had to flee after the fall of Troy. Some claim Rome to have been founded by Aeneas and Ulysses shortly after Troy had fallen; others are of the opinion that there was an entire dynasty that ruled for 500 years between the fall of Troy and the foundation of Rome.

Well, that's just an innocent 500 years long misunderstanding compared with what heretic Fomenko says, asserts, proves in his second volume: Second Roman Empire, Third Roman Empire, Biblical Kingdom of Israel, Biblical Kingdom of Judah, Holy Roman Empire are stories about basically same events, written from different points of view at different times. The underlying events have actually taken place during xii-xv cy. These histories have been written and perfected by multitude of highly talented humanist and clerical writers of xiii-xvi cy disguised as "ancients" with glorious names like Homer, Pluto, Thucydides etc..Chronology 2.0 beta..

Historians are kindly invited to report the bugs.

Junie B. Jones Is Captain Field Day (Junie B. Jones #16)

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junie b jones and captain field day
Junie B, Jones Captain Field day
We love Junie B.!
A good book
Brandon thinks it's a good book

Junie B. Jones Is Captain Field Day (Junie B. Jones #16)
Barbara Park
Manufacturer: Random House Books for Young Readers
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

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ASIN: 0375802916
Release Date: 2001-01-02

Amazon.com

Junie B. Jones's kindergarten teacher has some strange ideas about field day: "Field Day is a day to run around in the fresh air and enjoy the sunshine. We came out here to have fun and get some exercise. And we're not going to care one little bit about who wins or who loses." Only what's so fun about losing? That's what Junie B. wants to know. In the great contest between room 8 and room 9, somehow, room 8 keeps winning all the events. As Captain Field Day of room 9, Junie B. is feeling her superpowers--and her good sportsmanship--slipping away. Can anyone save the day?

For beginning chapter-book readers, Junie B. Jones always saves the day. As in Junie B. Jones Has a Peep in Her Pocket, Junie B. Jones and Some Sneaky Peeky Spying, and the many other titles in Barbara Park's series, Junie B.'s inimitable style wins her friends and fans everywhere. Denise Brunkus's comical, expressive drawings capture all the joys and foibles of kindergarten life. With occasional "big" words (like slumped, sarcastic, and apparently) and Junie B.'s grammatical curiosities, this witty book works best as a classroom read-aloud. (Ages 5 to 8) --Emilie Coulter

Book Description

Afternoon kindergarten is having a field day, and Junie B. Jones is team captain! Only, here's the problem. Room Eight keeps on winning too many events. And so how will Room Nine ever become the kindergarten champions? As Captain Field Day, will Junie B. find a way to lead her team to victory? Or will it be up to someone else to save the day?

Customer Reviews:

junie b jones and captain field day.......2006-01-21

well it is mainly about junie who thinks that she is captain field day, so she bosses everyone around i liked this book a lot because it was very entertaining. The way she acts, makes me laugh. One thing that I didnt like was the way she was being mean to everyone.

Junie B, Jones Captain Field day.......2006-01-10

Junie B. is in kindergarten. She get to be captain of Field day. There room number is nine and they'er going up against room number eight. Junie B.is mean, bossy, and wears wired close. She did like a boy she called cry baby William.
If you are a boy or don't like Field days then you mite not like it. And if you don't like Junie B. then you mite not like it.
By: Cassie

We love Junie B.!.......2005-09-11

My daughter and I LOVE ALL the Junie B. books. They are hilariously funny. The outrageous actions of the characters including Junnie B. are a great form of reverse psychology on how NOT to act! Junie B. is adorable.

A good book .......2005-05-18

I love Junie B.Jones! She was on the play ground for Field Day and she saw thather boyfriend was chasing the new girl. She did not like that. She told him to stop but he didn't listen. Well I would give the book 5 stars because it is funny! I have to go now. Bye
By Destiny

Brandon thinks it's a good book.......2005-04-21

This book is about a little girl named Junie B. Jones. She got picked for captain of field day. But she thought being captain is to be a superhero. There was a boy named William, he was a weak little boy. But at the end, he surprised everyone.

I think the author is trying to tell that winning isn't everything. If you don't win don't be mad. You shouldn't blame it on anyone else either. If you blame it on someone you can get in trouble like the kids in this book. So I think the author is trying to tell that.

Junie B. Jones is a good book, you just have to read it. If you read it you'll see that the surprise was William was a hero when he did twelve pull ups, and people thought that was amazing. My opinion was that if the author would put more pages of story in it so it would be more funny. If it had more it would be perfect. It's a good book, trust me.

Average customer rating:

The clouds are poofy and filled with love
Brings you back to when you were in first grade!
Curiously Funny!!
I used to love this book...
Love is in the Air.....

Froggy's First Kiss (Froggy)
Jonathan London
Manufacturer: Puffin
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

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ASIN: 0140565701

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Froggy had a crush on Frogilina. She was the prettiest frog he'd ever seen and "when she smiled at him his insides got all soft and wiggly, like he'd had caterpillars for breakfast." He finds it's not easy being keen on someone--every time he's distracted by Frogilina's charms, whether he's hanging upside down on the monkey bars or crouching under his desk to make her a valentine, he ends up bonking his head. After too many humiliations, Froggy heads home, his heart heavy. "Was it love? Was it hunger? Was it his backpack full of valentines?" Finally, he decides that maybe it would be a lot easier if good old mom was his special valentine, a message that mothers everywhere will appreciate! If your kids clamor for more Froggy books (and they will), they can also investigate Froggy Gets Dressed, Let's Go, Froggy!, Froggy Learns to Swim, and Froggy Goes to School, all of which have been awarded the IRA-CBC Children's Choice Award. (Ages 4 to 8)

Customer Reviews:

The clouds are poofy and filled with love.......2005-08-29

Clouds are poofy in the air, froggy love is everywhere. Froggy love is in the trees, froggy love is with the bees. Froggy love is everywhere, froggy love is in my hair. I like making random rhymes, and to your surprise I'm outta time!

Brings you back to when you were in first grade!.......2005-08-23

How awkward and yucky it was to even think about kissing anyone, let alone kissing a member of the opposite sex!! Again, very funny dialogue and pictures!!! Excellent read for kids!!

Curiously Funny!!.......2005-08-14

My son is 4 years old and loves his Froggy books and Little Critter. He thinks (and so do I)Froggy is extremely funny. We both enjoy reading these books together. Especially when Froggy stands up, when at his desk,staring at Frogolina. These books are perfectly in sync with readers ages 3-6 year olds. Very humorous and silly enough to make an adult chuckle!!!!

I used to love this book..........2005-05-09

When I was a little girl I would read all of the Froggy books over and over, and when I pulled this book out of the attic, I was amazed to find that I still found it sweet (yet it didn't grab my attention like it used to).

My friends and I would read it together and scream, "Eeew!!!" because, of course, it is a KISS and we 5 year olds do not appreciate love very much yet.

Even though I'm much older now, I still find time to read lots of old books that I used to love, and the Froggy series is an adorable collection that I will always keep around for posterity.

~A Book Worm~

Love is in the Air............2002-01-26

It's the week before Valentine's Day, and Froggy's in love. There's a new girl in his class, Frogilina, and he just can't take his eyes off her. He's mooning and staring and when she smiles at him, "his insides got all soft and wiggly, like he'd had caterpillars for breakfast." All week long Frogilina sits with him at lunch giving him little treats from her lunch bag. It's a match made in heaven. That is until Valentine's Day. Frogilina has an extra special surprise for Froggy, something he never expected. It turned his face red, it made his tummy feel weird, he couldn't eat, not even his dessert, and it made all his friends laugh and tease him. Frogilina gave Froggy a big, juicy kiss, right on his cheek..... Nobody captures the essence of an irrepressible preschooler like Jonathan London and Frank Remkiewicz. Mr London's joyful, spirited text is full of energy and sound effects, and begs to be read out loud. Mr Remkiewicz's bold, bright, and expressive artwork enhances the story, and together they use humor to take some of the mystery and embarrassment out of a real life situation. Perfect for preschoolers, Froggy's First Kiss is an engaging and entertaining story with a happy ending that solves all of Froggy's love problems, and a wonderful Valentine's Day read kids will want to hear again and again.

Every Dog Has His Day #10 (Hank the Cowdog)

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Every Dog has his Day
One of Hank's Best!!
Hank might lose his job to a dog who comes on the ranch!

Every Dog Has His Day #10 (Hank the Cowdog)
John R. Erickson
Manufacturer: Puffin
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

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ASIN: 0141303867

Book Description

It's time for the big cattle drive, which means big responsibility for Hank. Meanwhile, what's Benny the cowdog doing on the ranch? Hank's got to find out quick--before he loses his spot as top dog.

USA Today calls the hilarious Hank the Cowdog series "...the best family entertainment in years."

Hank is a scruffy, smart-alecky supersleuth with a nose for danger and an eye for the ladies. And as Head of Ranch Security on a West Texas ranch, he's usually up to his ears in all kinds of amusing trouble. Whether he's called upon to bark up the sun, investigate suspicious goings-on, or defend the ranch against marauders, Hank's hilarious, hair-raising adventures will delight readers young and old alike.

"Rip-roaring fun...[a] marvelous situation comedy." --School Library Journal

Customer Reviews:

Every Dog has his Day.......2005-11-18

This book to me is very funny. In the book a new dog comes to the ranch and Hank has to prove to Benny that he is the top dog. Hank gets mad because Benny tries to take the dog the Hank likes. He tries to prove to his master that he is the top dog but gets tied up why Benny has the time of his life. Hank acts like he is the head of security, which is called Head of Ranch Security. Hank is in a battle to keep his job at the round off. If you want a book that is super funny, then this book is for you.

One of Hank's Best!!.......2003-09-01

Among his many other attributes, Hank the Cowdog has an uncanny ability to keep our entire family amused on long trips. Next to The Original Adventures of Hank The Cowdog (Vol. 1), this one is our favorite. Benny, the prize-winning cowdog-for-hire, very quickly gets under Hank's skin when he bumps Hank off the job of a roundup. Erickson's voicing of Benny is oddly reminiscent of William F. Buckley Jr., and works to great effect. Add the romantic element of Hank's love interest, Miss Beulah ("Mercy!", exclaims Hank) and the perceived threat Benny places there too, and the story becomes even more interesting. All against the regular backdrop of ranch life and supporting characters Drover, Plato, Loper and the rest of the gang, and the story is one of Hank's best romps. Enjoy!

Hank might lose his job to a dog who comes on the ranch!.......1999-07-31

This is a great and heartwarming addition to the "Hank the Cowdog" series. Along with tons of hillarious gags, this is one of Hank's best!

Eugene (Marshall, James, Four Little Troubles.)

Average customer rating:

Eugene (Marshall, James, Four Little Troubles.)
James Marshall
Manufacturer: Houghton Mifflin
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover

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ASIN: 0618073191

Book Description

Best known for his canon of classic hilarious children's books, including favorites like GEORGE AND MARTHA, MISS NELSON, and THE STUPIDS, James Marshall has no rival when it comes to goofy fun. With the same silly spirit and charm, he presents four expressive stories about four little troubles. Marshall fans will cheer the return of these four little gems, out-of-print since 1987. These books, previously available as the boxed set FOUR LITTLE TROUBLES, are now back in print and available separately. Each small book, in a new paperboard format, will undoubtedly ease the troubles facing all young children.

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MAXimum Boy the worst bully in the universe

The Worst Bully In The Entire Universe
Dan Greenburg
Manufacturer: Scholastic Paperbacks
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

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ASIN: 0439439396

Book Description

It's April Fools! Over and over and over again...That's right, some evildoer is playing pranks across the entire country! There are whoopee cushions on school buses. Silly glasses on the faces of Mount Rushmore. This prankster is pulling off some pretty peculiar plots! But who better to put a stop to these childish stunts than our eleven-year old superhero? In fact, he's already got some suspects. Like Super Sid -- the all-too-perfect superhero that everyone loves to hate. Or could there be a new bully at the heart of all this mischief and mayhem? Maximum Boy is on the case!

Customer Reviews:

MAXimum Boy the worst bully in the universe.......2007-04-06

MAXimum boy by: Dan Greenburg
Mystery

Max known as Maximum boy lives in Detroit. He got his powers when he went to a museum and accidentally touched a rock from the moon and it gave him the ability to fly, glow in the dark, have heat ray vision, x-ray vision and the ability to run at the speed of light. After a while his sister got jealous and went to the museum and broke into the rock area and touched the same rock that Max touched and got all the same abilities that Max did. But she couldn't control as good as Max could though they teamed up as Maximum Girl and Maximum Boy. someone put glasses with noses and beards on Mount Rushmore. The president calls and tells them that. When they get someone left a note saying that they were going to pull down everyone's pants in London & France. It's a very exciting and action filled book.
I like it because Max thinks in funny ways and I can relate to him. If you like adventure you would like this book.

- Mikey Pappa

Average customer rating:

Fill your day with laughter
Hmm.. not so funny

365 - DAY CLEAN JOKE BOOK
Incorporated Barbour Publishing
Manufacturer: Barbour Publishing
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

General | Humor | Entertainment | Subjects | Books

Jokes & Riddles | Humor | Entertainment | Subjects | Books

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ASIN: 1597896500

Product Description

In the stressed out world we live in, a good laugh is a must now and then. The 365-Day Clean Joke Book provides three good laughs for every day of the year! Funny stories, one-liners, riddles, knock-knocks, and more make up this hilarious collection of more than one thousand jokes. Animals, church, politicians, health and medicine, criminals, travel, and many others topics are represented - and the jokes are always clean and good-natured. It's perfect as a daily spirit-lifter, or can be used for speech and sermon preparation. For a whole year of wholesome fun, check out The 365-Day Clean Joke Book!

Customer Reviews:

Fill your day with laughter.......2007-04-25

Reviewed by Lori Plach for Reader Views (4/07)

Are you sick of hearing jokes that aren't funny or are poking fun of a person's nationality or hair color? Are you looking for some quality clean jokes to share around the water cooler at work? You know, ones that will not embarrass you or be considered unwholesome. As it is written in Ephesians 4:29, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths." Do you find yourself having to explain punch lines to the kids? If you have a speech to write and want to start off on a humorous note, "The 365 Day Clean Joke Book" is definitely a treasury you would want for your home library.

The jokes in this book are hilarious! There is no need to be ashamed of the content of "The 365 Day Clean Joke Book." This book could easily be enjoyed by all members of the family, except those who are too young to understand jokes yet. Each page represents one day so you can get three good laughs every day of the year. The content varies from "Knock knocks" to short humorous stories to delightful one- liners. It has been said that laughter is good for the soul. This book is great for your soul because there are tons of laughs inside its pages.

You too can show that you have a sense of humor but the laughs don't have to come from poking fun at other people, references to sex and body parts. There are riddles and jokes on a wide variety of topics from church to animals, education to family, travel and much more. I love this book since it will definitely make my mouth filled with laughter and still be honoring my Lord and Savior while still enjoying a good laugh.

Make every day special and laughter filled, by indulging in "The 365 Day Clean Joke Book" just because its funny doesn't mean it has to be dirty!

Hmm.. not so funny.......2007-04-10

This book is just plain terrible. I could't find a single joke that even made me smirk, maybe it's just my sense of humor. Anyway I wouldn't recommend this book to anyone.

Average customer rating:

Absolutely the lamest thing...
Very enjoyable reading material with good advise
Funny as Hell!
awful

2002 Days & Nights of Sex
Richard Smith
Manufacturer: Black Dog & Leventhal Publishers
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover

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ASIN: 1579120458

Book Description

Make the most of your sex life every month of the year

By America's funniest writer on sex and bestselling author of The Dieter's Guide to Weight Loss During Sex, this hysterical compilation of 365 Days & Nights of Sex Page-A-Day(r) Calendars makes the perfect companion, bed-side or otherwise.

It makes a great gift for newlyweds as well as silver anniversary couples.

Organized by month of the year, this book provides entertaining advice and amusing pillowtalk. Ways to get your partner's attention, ideas for a romantic lunchtime rendezvous, and morning, noon and evening romance tips offer fresh ideas and tasteful humor, that will leave you, your lover and everyone you confide in laughing.

2002 Days & Nights of Sex provides readers with clever and witty tidbits, sexual horoscope readings, recipes, decorating advice, travel suggestions, musical requests and fashion pointers. Fun intimacy tests measure passion, jealousy, relationships, dating and marriage.

Customer Reviews:

Absolutely the lamest thing..........2001-11-15

I have ever seen. I am embarrassed to have this tripe in the house. This man must be the source of all those terribly unfunny e-mails sent by "dirty" uncles everywhere. This book might be funny if you (...)yourself laughing at the Reader's Digest's "humour" sections. A large section of it seems to be a regurgitation of the man's previous book: The Dieter's Guide to Weight Loss During Sex. Otherwise it is filled with useless, random, lame jokes and lists. I opened it up, flipped through it, and sighed, because it just seems to be a weighty collection of sex/dating oriented e-mail jokes, the kind you delete because they've already made the rounds three times. I am keeping this review anonymous because I'm so embarrassed to have been rooked by this...

Very enjoyable reading material with good advise.......2001-01-17

This is a humorous book that offers sensible and tasteful advise for married couples, short term relationships and one night stands. It offers tips for good sex, what men or women fear, what they expect, how to be romantic, seductive, playful and most important, how to have fun during sex. As a man, I don't read too many books, especiaslly like this one, but I liked this book and would recommend it to anyone.

Funny as Hell!.......2000-11-14

This book has amazing seinfeld quality wit. Humourous with out being overly gooey...perfect for a gag gift or for anyone who can't keep there mind off of the lovely topic of sex. Also, great to check out is the dieter's guide to wieght loss during sex written by the same author...I just handed these both out as bachlorette gifts...

awful.......2000-10-31

The sense of humor is juvenile & it has no serious advice. Seriously, if you're not looking for old man humor, spend your money elsewhere.

Average customer rating:

April Fool! (Easy-to-Read, Puffin)
Harriet Ziefert
Manufacturer: Puffin
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

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Arthur's April Fool (Arthur Adventure Series)

ASIN: 0141305827

Book Description

In April Fool! Will tells an unbelievable story, complete with a bicycle-riding elephant. But his friends are bound to figure it out; it is April 1st, after all.

Illustrated by Chris Demarest

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