Amazon.com
We've all been there: We know we must confront a coworker, store clerk, or friend about some especially sticky situation--and we know the encounter will be uncomfortable. So we repeatedly mull it over until we can no longer put it off, and then finally stumble through the confrontation. Difficult Conversations, by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen, offers advice for handling these unpleasant exchanges in a manner that accomplishes their objective and diminishes the possibility that anyone will be needlessly hurt. The authors, associated with Harvard Law School and the Harvard Project on Negotiation, show how such dialogues actually comprise three separate components: the "what happened" conversation (verbalizing what we believe really was said and done), the "feelings" conversation (communicating and acknowledging each party's emotional impact), and the "identity" conversation (expressing the situation's underlying personal meaning). The explanations and suggested improvements are, admittedly, somewhat complicated. And they certainly don't guarantee positive results. But if you honestly are interested in elevating your communication skills, this book will walk you through both mistakes and remedies in a way that will boost your confidence when such unavoidable clashes arise. --Howard Rothman
Book Description
Members of the Harvard Negotiation Project--which brought you the mega-bestseller Getting to YES--show you how to handle your most difficult conversations with confidence and skill.
Whether you're dealing with an underperforming employee, disagreeing with your spouse about money or child-rearing, negotiating with a difficult client, or simply saying "no," or "I'm sorry," or "I love you," we attempt or avoid difficult conversations every day. Based on fifteen years of research at the Harvard Negotiation Project, Difficult Conversations walks you through a step-by-step proven approach to having your toughest conversations with less stress and more success. You will learn:
how to start the conversation without defensiveness
why what is not said is as important as what is
ways of keeping and regaining your balance in the face of attacks and accusations
how to decipher the underlying structure of every difficult conversation
Filled with examples from everyday life, Difficult Conversations will help you on the job, at home, or out in the world. It is a book you will turn to again and again for advice, practical skills, and reassurance.
"Does this book deliver on [its] promise of an effective way through sticky situations, whether 'with your baby sitter or your biggest client'? It does."-- The New York Times
"These talented communicators blend a daunting array of disciplines into highly readable and practical advice."-- Booklist
"Brilliant. . . . I've already re-read most of it. I'm using it. What more could a reader ask?"-- Tom Peters
"Emotional Intelligence applied to life's tough moments."-- Daniel Goleman
Download Description
"What is a difficult conversation? Asking for a raise. Ending a relationship. Saying ""no"" to your boss or spouse. Confronting disrespectful behavior. Apologizing. Conversations we dread, and often handle clumsily as a result, are part of all our lives: in boardrooms and family rooms, across the negotiation table and the dinner table. Now, Difficult Conversations teaches us how to handle these dialogues with more success and less anxiety. How does it work? Based on fifteen years of research and consultations with thousands of people, Difficult Conversations pinpoints what works. The authors discovered that regardless of context, the same small but crucial errors are what trip us up--and a few key adjustments can make all the difference. * The role of emotions--ours and theirs * The impact of what is said and what is not said * Why admitting our mistakes will put us in a stronger position * The truth behind the myth that women are better at expressing their emotions than men * How to respond productively in the face of personal attacks Who is this for? Filled with examples from everyday life, Difficult Conversations is certain to be an instant and lasting classic for families, neighbors, bosses, employees, customers, tenants, landlords, psychologists, teachers, and more. Who are the authors? Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen teach at Harvard Law School and at the Harvard Negotiation Project. They have consulted to countless businesspeople, governments, organizations, and communities including all parties to the negotiations on constitutional transition in South Africa; school teachers in Medellin, Colombia; and community leaders and the police department in Springfield, Massachusetts. They lecture throughout the world and have written on negotiation, conflict resolution, and communication. Bruce Patton is co-author of Getting to Yes."
Customer Reviews:
Will you ever have a hard conversation? Sure, you will! Read this book first........2007-09-21
This little book can be a great help. We all have avoided conversations we knew were going to be difficult. Often not talking made things worse, so as things became intolerable we had the discussion and things got even worse. These authors break down the inner structure of difficult conversations and how we often mishandle them. They then show us the ways in which we can turn this into a constructive process that brings more understanding, greater cooperation, and learning that will help avoid repeating the difficulties in the future.
Certainly, I can't recap the whole book in this little review, but I especially like their concept of three conversations happening within each difficult conversation. They are the debate over what happened, the feelings conversation, and the identity issues. In the what happened conversation the problem is that each side assumes it knows the truth, that they know the other party's intentions, and that they know where and how to assign blame. Of course, all this is a fiction and a waste of time. It does nothing to fix the situation or improve the process to avoid the problem in the future. The book then shows you how to have a constructive approach to the same problem. Excellent stuff!
The authors are part of the Harvard Negotiation Project and has a foreword by one of the authors of the famous book, "Getting to Yes". The book is concise, but full of very good information. I recommend it very much.
Reviewed by Craig Matteson - Ann Arbor, MI
Difficult converations.......2007-09-17
this book is well worth the read,
it is easy to get throught, and does not repeat itself.
You want to read the whole book.
nancy carlson
great read.......2007-08-27
This book is used as a textbook at the Harvard MBA. Good tool for those messy conflicts
Best Book on Communication.......2007-08-24
This is the most useful and comprehensive compendium of effective, research validated, communication concepts I have ever seen in one book. Useful for anyone who speaks with other humans, especially significant others, business colleagues and teenagers. If you are a coach, this reading is required. Difficult ideas presented in a way that makes them easy to understand and easy to apply.
Quality of Life Must Read.......2007-08-04
Difficult Conversations, by Stone, Patton, and Heen, is a foundational book in the literature of holding difficult conversations in purposeful ways. I have read it often and use its principles in my teaching and in daily life. Underlying its principles is the simple understanding that we can get better at listening, talking, and acknowledging what is actually going on in our relationships; that we create the reality of our lives by the ways in which we talk about it; and that one conversation at a time, we can choose to work with the energy of conflict instead of avoiding it. There are many good books on this topic. I suggest reading them all, starting here.
Judy Ringer is the author of Unlikely Teachers: Finding the Hidden Gifts in Daily Conflict
Book Description
Are boys and girls really that different? Twenty years ago, doctors and researchers didn’t think so. Back then, most experts believed that differences in how girls and boys behave are mainly due to differences in how they were treated by their parents, teachers, and friends.
It's hard to cling to that belief today. An avalanche of research over the past twenty years has shown that sex differences are more significant and profound than anybody guessed. Sex differences are real, biologically programmed, and important to how children are raised, disciplined, and educated.
In Why Gender Matters, psychologist and family physician Dr. Leonard Sax leads parents through the mystifying world of gender differences by explaining the biologically different ways in which children think, feel, and act. He addresses a host of issues, including discipline, learning, risk taking, aggression, sex, and drugs, and shows how boys and girls react in predictable ways to different situations.
For example, girls are born with more sensitive hearing than boys, and those differences increase as kids grow up. So when a grown man speaks to a girl in what he thinks is a normal voice, she may hear it as yelling. Conversely, boys who appear to be inattentive in class may just be sitting too far away to hear the teacher—especially if the teacher is female.
Likewise, negative emotions are seated in an ancient structure of the brain called the amygdala. Girls develop an early connection between this area and the cerebral cortex, enabling them to talk about their feelings. In boys these links develop later. So if you ask a troubled adolescent boy to tell you what his feelings are, he often literally cannot say.
Dr. Sax offers fresh approaches to disciplining children, as well as gender-specific ways to help girls and boys avoid drugs and early sexual activity. He wants parents to understand and work with hardwired differences in children, but he also encourages them to push beyond gender-based stereotypes.
A leading proponent of single-sex education, Dr. Sax points out specific instances where keeping boys and girls separate in the classroom has yielded striking educational, social, and interpersonal benefits. Despite the view of many educators and experts on child-rearing that sex differences should be ignored or overcome, parents and teachers would do better to recognize, understand, and make use of the biological differences that make a girl a girl, and a boy a boy.
Customer Reviews:
Good companion to Boys Adrift.......2007-09-21
I read Boys Adrift first, then came back and read this one. It is a good companion to the Boys Adrift and gives me a better understanding of where Dr Sax is coming from. As a parent I will change some discipline action now that I understand that my daughter will understand if I say I am 'disappointed' in her behavior. And my sons may just need to have privileges removed for bad behavior. Excellent explanation on what kind of discipline works for different age groups. Great book, well written, easy to follow and very enlightening.
Should be required reading for parents and teachers.......2007-07-25
I didn't want to believe that boys and girls are different. I came from a "we are all the same" bias but Leonard Sax convinced me otherwise. He managed to do so while being respectful to both genders.
This book is engaging and well researched. As promised by the author, in chapter 1, he backs up all his statements about how girls and boys are different with documented studies from peer-reviewed studies. But don't let me give you the wrong impression that this is a dry read. On the contrary, "Why Gender Matters" is a compelling read. It is filled with interesting stories and great suggestions for parents.
Dr. Jenn Berman
www.DoctorJenn.com
Author of The A to Z Guide to Raising Happy, Confident Kids
Really interesting information........2007-06-27
I am finding this book very helpful and accurate as I raise a son and a daughter.
Fascinating.......2007-06-27
More genuinely new and relevant information in this volume than in anything I've read in a long time. Have already bought about 10 copies to give as gifts and will certainly buy more - absolutely eye opening and revelatory, a must for any parent or teacher.
Sex Differences are Hard-Wired........2007-06-08
This brilliant and highly readable book demolishes the 70's fantasy
that sex differences are socially constructed. Dr. Sax, both a family physician and psychologist, writes compellingly and with sly humor on a number of interesting topics such as aggression, sex, discipline, and drugs. "Why Gender Matters" is thoroughly researched and guaranteed to challenge conservatives as well as liberals. Many members of both the medical and educational establishments really dislike this book so Sax must be doing something right!
Book Description
"At its core, the freedom-to-marry movement is about the same thing every civil rights struggle has been about: taking seriously our country's promise to be a nation its citizens can make better, its promise to be a place where people don't have to give up their differences or hide them in order to be treated equally."
Why Marriage Matters offers a compelling, intelligently reasoned discussion of a question at the forefront of our national consciousness. It is the work of one of the most influential attorneys in America, who has dedicated his life to the protection of individuals' rights and our Constitution's commitment to equal justice under the law. Above all, it is a clear, straightforward book that brings into sharp focus the very human significance of the right to marry in America -- not just for some couples, but for all.
Why is the word marriage so important? Will marriage for same-sex couples hurt the "sanctity" of the institution? How can people of different faiths reconcile their beliefs with the idea of marriage for same-sex couples? How will allowing gay couples to marry affect children?
In this quietly powerful volume, the most authoritative and fairly articulated book on the subject, Wolfson demonstrates why the right to marry is important -- indeed necessary -- for all couples and for America's promise of equality.
Customer Reviews:
expected more.......2006-04-22
I just finished Evan Wolfson's Why Marriage Matters, and although I am salivating at the thought of spending the rest of my night immersed in a tirade that focuses on what this book lacks, I will limit myself to describing one and only one glaring deficiency. Here it is. Come election time much of the hoopla surrounding gay marriage rights stems directly from those Christian conservatives that consider themselves among the moral elite. The self-described Christian "moral majority" is surprisingly effective at turning what is actually a civil rights and anti-discrimination issue into a moral issue. Because this is the nature of the one of the most powerful forces that is against us, if we are to put gay marriage rights on firm footing, the foundation must be a moral one. Granted, there is probably little hope for the hardcore dogmatists, but let's suppose they are all old and on the cusp of a trek through the pearly gates of heaven. Aside from those people, I am convinced that social conservatives can be convinced. Now, it would be nice if we could make all our very well-justified legal arguments in favor of gay marriage, be granted our legal rights, and be done with it. But, if we are going to gain any legal ground in conservative states, we must present damn good arguments that show three things: 1) one's sexual orientation is not a lifestyle choice, 2) same-sex sex is not morally wrong, and 3) same-sex marriage is not morally wrong. Wolfson doesn't do either in Why Marriage Matters. I was hoping he would give a point-by-point rebuttal of all the arguments from moral depravity that are flung like mud on groups of people who express a non-heteronormative sexualty, but I was disappointed. Maybe someday soon somebody will do us this service. But enough of that. On a positive note, Wolfson's book was easy to read. On another positive note, he drew strong analogies between the civil rights movement of the 50s and 60s and the gay rights movement of the last two decades. One thing that becomes apparrent as we consider the parallels between these two movements is how badly the gay civil rights movement needs a leader like the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.
Good primer on the next major civil rights issue.......2006-02-07
Do gays have the right to marry? This is emerging as the next civil rights issue to cross the American political scene. Attorney Evan Wolfson answers this question with a resounding yes, and uses this book to back up his answer. His central point is that marriage is a relationship, and being in it can and does bring joy to gay couples just as much as it does to heterosexual couples. And since the Declaration of Independence states that all humans have the right to the pursuit of happiness, government should not prevent two individuals from getting married. The author also examines other issues regarding gay marriage, such as child adoption, insurance benefits, gay divorces, inheritance rights, etc... The author also takes on arguments against gay marriage, and refutes them using historical and legal arguments. All in all, a good book to help understand the current, and growing issue of gay marriage.
The best book there is on why marriage is for ALL Americans.......2005-08-10
Evan Wolfson's book turned me into a believer. Even after seven years of sharing my life with the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, I still didn't think it mattered whether we were married or not. "Why Marriage Matters" changed that -- we had to fly to Canada to get married, but we did what we had to do, and now I've found that marriage has made every facet of our relationship stronger and better. Read this book and you'll begin to see that marriage does matter, and that, frankly, it is un-American to deny any segment of the population basic human rights and priveleges that the United States was created to protect for all its citizens.
Equal Rights, Right On!.......2005-08-02
Jonathan Rauch and Andrew Sullivan have written pro-gay marriage books, but unlike Wolfson's book, they approach the issue from ancillary perspectives (for example, how it will tame the flames of promiscuity among gay men). Whether these ancillary arguments are persuasive or not really does not matter, because they are not the core of the matter.
Wolfson alone accurately makes equal access to marriage for ALL people a civil rights issue, and that is exactly where it belongs. Whether or not it curbs the promiscuity impulses among gays or not is largely irrelevant. If that happens, fine, but if not, so what?
The Fourteenth Amendment and the Declaration of Independence are not heterosexually-specific, but universally-specific. All of us are entitled to the "pursuit of happiness," no matter our color, religion, nationality, or sexual orientation.
Mutatis mutandis, the same is true for equal protection under the law. People may continue to discriminate against minorities, but at least they cannot do so under the color of law. Denying a minority its right to marriage also discriminates, but when it does so, it does so with the color of law. That's wrong.
All people are entitled to the same rights or they aren't. Denying any segment of the population this right because of their difference from the majority is simply unconstitutional and UnAmerican. Canada, Spain, Belgium, and Holland have righted the wrong. It's time the U.S.A. did likewise.
This guy is an attorney?.......2005-03-08
While a previous reviewer calls this work "irrefutable", those with logical minds know better. Obviously, this book is based upon the false premise that homosexuals are denied the right to marry. All homosexuals have the right to marry, so long as their object of matrimony is of the opposite sex. This begs the question...do any of us have the freedom to marry who and/or what we want? Of course not. I can't marry my computer, sister, brother, car, etc. There are restrictions in marriage for everyone.
It doesn't take too much work to see through the author's flawed thinking in this excercise in futility. Hopefully there are enough people who will realize this and send this book to the trash heap of irrelevancy.
Book Description
A Revolution in Estate Planning for Wealthy Families Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time.
Longfellow Family Wealth Counseling: Getting to the Heart of the Matter is an attempt to put into writing the collective wisdom of more than twenty years of working with and learning from hundreds of wealthy families. Over the years, we have helped these affluent families honestly address the important soft issues of life as well as the complex hard issues of wise tax planning. We further have helped these affluent families to effectively integrate these two components into a comprehensive life-plan that produces results-results that continually exceed all expectations. Throughout this book, you will read the stories of how the Family Wealth Counseling process has profoundly impacted Americas wealthy families financially, socially, emotionally and spiritually. The Family Wealth Counseling process has helped many to find the deepest levels of joy, meaning and fulfillment in life. Family Wealth Counseling is a life-planning process whose time has come. It is not only a revolutionary approach to planning-it is the right approach to plan-ning. If you are ready to start thinking beyond . . . you have picked up the right book. Regarding life-planning, this book will challenge you to think about . . .
* the purpose for your life
* the purpose for your wealth
* how to leverage your remaining time, unique talents and accumulated treasures to do the most good for the most people
* how to adequately prepare your heirs for their inheritance, so it will bless them and not ruin them
* how to transition from a life of financial success to a life of personal significance Regarding tax-planning, this book will explain . . .
* that estate taxes are optional
* that capital gains taxes are optional
* how to reduce your current income taxes by opting out of these two taxes
* how to actually increase your net, after-tax annual income by opting out of these taxes
* how to give your estate and capital gains taxes away to charity and actually make a profit
* how to increase the amount of wealth you and your family control This book has the potential to radically change your life and the lives of those you most care about. It all starts with your willingness to begin thinking beyond . . .
Customer Reviews:
Great for Business Owners While in Mid-career, too!.......2005-07-30
I read this book cover to cover looking for sound information that I can pass along to the business owners and non-profit organization leaders that are my management consulting clients.
I was delighted to find the book PACKED with advice that helps wealthy individuals consider the total picture of how the wealth transfer impacts the next generation and not just current tax reprecussions.
I recommend it to the Wealth counselors that I meet. You won't be disappointed.
Excellent for those with net worth > $5Million.......2001-08-12
Most people of wealth make several false starts with comprehensive income and estate planning. This book describes a method of first determining your life purpose and goals by an extensive interview process. Only then can the technical aspects of planning be addressed.
Well written book by the director of the National Assn of Family Wealth Counselors. If you are a person of means this is a safe starting point to a network of highly qualified and competent FWCs.
The author asks: "If you had to choose between giving one million dollars away to the IRS in estate taxes or giving that same one million to your favorite charity, which would you prefer?" Great question. To fail to plan is to give half or more of your estate away to the IRS.
This book will provide good insight if your net worth is $2-5 Million or you are a financial counselor.
Book Description
A psychologist with a reputation for penetrating to the heart of complex parenting issues joins forces with a physician and bestselling author to tackle one of the most disturbing and misunderstood trends of our time -- peers replacing parents in the lives of our children.
Dr. Neufeld has dubbed this phenomenon peer orientation, which refers to the tendency of children and youth to look to their peers for direction: for a sense of right and wrong, for values, identity and codes of behaviour. But peer orientation undermines family cohesion, poisons the school atmosphere, and fosters an aggressively hostile and sexualized youth culture. It provides a powerful explanation for schoolyard bullying and youth violence; its effects are painfully evident in the context of teenage gangs and criminal activity, in tragedies such as in Littleton, Colorado; Tabor, Alberta and Victoria, B.C. It is an escalating trend that has never been adequately described or contested until
Hold On to Your Kids. Once understood, it becomes self-evident -- as do the solutions.
Hold On to Your Kids will restore parenting to its natural intuitive basis and the parent-child relationship to its rightful preeminence. The concepts, principles and practical advice contained in
Hold On to Your Kids will empower parents to satisfy their children’s inborn need to find direction by turning towards a source of authority, contact and warmth.
Something has changed. One can sense it, one can feel it, just not find the words for it. Children are not quite the same as we remember being. They seem less likely to take their cues from adults, less inclined to please those in charge, less afraid of getting into trouble. Parenting, too, seems to have changed. Our parents seemed more confident, more certain of themselves and had more impact on us, for better or for worse. For many, parenting does not feel natural. Adults through the ages have complained about children being less respectful of their elders and more difficult to manage than preceding generations, but could it be that this time it is for real? -- from
Hold On to Your Kids
From the Hardcover edition.
Customer Reviews:
Definitely a must have for every parent.......2007-09-20
This one was so good that after finishing the library copy, I just had to have my own for reference. It really talks about what is wrong with our society and how it encourages us to "let our children go" to be raised by their peers which is how they develop so many emotional and behavioral problems, and that somehow our society looks at those problems as a norm. The book also offers very good practical advice on how to deal with all of the above. A definite must have for every parent if anything is to be improved in the current state of families and child rearing in this country.
Highly recommend!.......2007-06-27
Can't say enough positive comments about the ideas in this book. Really reinforces following your instincts to love and nurture your child and the reason this is so good for your child. Only negative is that although the theory is well laid-out, the practical application of it is difficult to figure out from the book alone. Perhaps this is how the author gets people to attend his lectures.
Can't go wrong with this one.......2007-06-22
After going through over 20 books on parenting I found this most helpful. Oustanding! It doesn't focus on little "tricks" or "gimicks." Instead it helps parents understand how our post modern society results in kids "attaching" to other kids, and some principles that parents can use to help them in the parent's decision making process. If I was going to read just one book on parenting it would be this one.
Don't believe everything you read.......2007-06-14
I have seen the damage that has been done to a family because of the poor psychological research spouted in this book. Dr. Neufeld claims to be a clinical psychologist who "has spent much of his professional life creating coherent theories for understanding child development." Later in the book, he expresses surprise that children would start to pull away from their families as they reach adolescence. As an educator and a mother of 2 delightful young women, it seems obvious to me and in all child development research that I have read, that is is a very normal part of a child's life. Children need friends. He also uses vocabulary which I found to be very disturbing "collecting children", "inviting dependence", "draw out the tears", "change focus from behavior to intention." These are just a few. I would not recommend this book to anyone, especially not young parents looking for a guide. While there are a few positive ideas in the book and I support that we need to be the most important people in our children's lives, this book has some very dangerous ideas theories and practices. Raising children is work, but look elsewhere for advice.
One of Most Insightful Books I Have Ever Read.......2007-05-10
This book has given me astonishing insights related to the "acting out" that I have seen in my young daughter (started around 10 1/2, now she is 13) and with the children of my peers. She has exhibited "counterwill" discussed in the book where she is not interested in pleasing me. Some of the children of my peers seem to be so disconnected from them that as parents they feel that they have already "lost" their children and their kids are only 16. One of these friends is in Germany, so it is not only the U.S. but seems to be a phenomenon of our industrialized society.
The authors say that life has changed so much from when we were growing up; that many of these kids have been in daycare from early ages and as a result they are bonding with other children and not their parents. This is bad because they are using other children as their role models and these children do not have the maturity to guide one another. Thus it is very important to do things as a family and to show the child that you care about them. This was really interesting to me because my daughter has been in day care and extended day throughout her life. I thought a lot of this was good because it was "socializing her" but the authors argue to the contrary. At least I have been able to work part time and have been able to spend a bit more time with her as compared to my peers and their children
The authors state that: One result of economic changes since the Second World War is that children are placed early, sometimes soon after birth, in situations where they spend much of the day in one another's company. Most of their contact is with other children, not with the significant adults in their lives. They spend much less time bonding with parent and adults. As they grow older, the process only accelerates."
They state: Parenthood is above all a relationship, not a skill to be acquired. Attachment is not a behavior to be learned but a connection to be sought." (P. 55)
There is an example in the book:
"The father of eleven-year- old Evan, a friend of my cowriters, had just completed a weekend seminar on family relationships and was now, on a Monday morning, walking with his son on the way to school. He had been pressuring Evan to continue with his karate class, an activity the boy was resisting. "You know, Evan" the father said to him, "If you stay in karate I'm going to love you. And you know what else? If you don't stay in karate I'm going to love you just as much." The child didn't say anything for a few minutes. Then, suddenly, he looked up at the overcast sky and smiled at his father. "Isn't it a beautiful day, Dad" he said. "Aren't those beautiful clouds up there. " After a few more minutes of silence, he added, "I think I'll get my black belt." And he has continued with his martial arts studies."
Our daughter has often said that her friends are more important than her family which is exactly what this book is saying is happening (!) and that this attitude needs to be reversed with more family bonding and loving interactions.
My relationship with my daughter has become much better since I read this book as I have been trying to be more loving and understanding. The authors say that parents usually focus on the "behavior" of the child but that you need to focus on the relationship first.
Customer Reviews:
Very Informative book concerning the spiritual heart.......2006-07-05
Juaniita Bynum does an excellent job of linking the physical qualities of the human heart to the spiritual heart. She makes a convincing case that our hearts from the inside out matter. The book is heavy on spiritual matters of the heart, however I did find it difficult at times to understand but her analogies about the problems with the human heart is often most simular to the spiritual heart we battle everyday. If you want to know the root of the matter, get this book for every matter that concerns your heart.
this book is powerful to say the least.......2005-11-04
matters of the heart blessed my life tremendously.it was so powerful. God did a spiritual surgery in me.he gave me the new heart and dealt and destroyed alot of things in my life.if you read this book you will know your standing in God and u will never be the same.you will go past the level of sliping and backsliding to a higher level of power and stability in God.The spirit of God will give you a heart that is sensitive to the touch of your God.you will taken to a new level in God and new relationship with God.Woh! it was so powerful and life changing to me.
A word from the Throne Room of God.......2005-02-14
I highly suggest you read this but if and only if you're ready for a higher level in God. This book will open your eyes about the inner you. This book is meat. If you don't take your time and read it you will choke. I have so much respect for this woman of God and I praise God for her life. Along with her husband Bishop Weeks. I'm not one to be stuck on the individual but the word that God has given his man or woman of God. So I challenge you if you are looking for a higher level of God and you are willing to die to your flesh, than this is the book for you. Look pass the individual and grasp the word from the throne room.
If you aren't looking to change, don't read this book.......2004-10-15
This message is definitely needed in this hour. So many people are being controlled by their own choice to go against God's ways and then give in their own fleshly desires and get caught up in strongholds. But what we really need to get up out of these is the new heart. This book had to be prayed over as it was being written, because I promise you it isn't an easy feed. Take your time to digest it, as you digest the scripture that God leads you to read and you are reading this book. I am going to go through the book a second time around now. This is an excellent step to your renewal and spiritual growth.
Compelling.......2004-10-09
MATTERS OF THE HEART by Juanita Bynum delivers a wonderful, right-on-time message concerning walking into the full light of God's love with a "new heart." It speaks to the battle of the mind, which is worldly based, versus the heart, which is soul based. The mind will resist the revolution that the soul is undergoing as the Christian grows in their relationship with Christ. The need for this renewal is paramount because the word of God cannot flourish in a hardened heart. It is imperative that the heart and mind be in line together.
Often times, God will allow us to endure a wilderness experience. During this time, it is a retrospective period where we learn more about our faith and ourselves. This desolate time will help us to begin to examine the contents of our heart and our mind. One key teaching in the book that really stood out to me is that the abundance of what is our hearts will pour out of not only out mouths, but in the manner in which we conduct ourselves.
MATTERS OF THE HEART is not a book which you can take lightly. The message from the pages pour into your consciousness and minister to your soul. It is very well written, easy to read and chock full of Bible scriptures which fortify the message Ms. Bynum is presenting. This is a necessary read for anyone seeking to encourage a change in their life. MATTERS OF THE HEART presented a very timely message for me by really causing me to examine the manner in which I approach situations and taking pause to examine the contents of my heart and responding in a kinder manner. This book does not touch on anything new - more so, it is the manner in which the information is conveyed that challenges the reader into a new operating plan. Personally, MATTERS OF THE HEART has helped me to give pause to reflect on the things that are pleasing to God versus esteeming those that are pleasing to man. With the abundance of scripture and food for thought provided in the book, God's words have been reaffirmed to me and I felt a sense of renewal after mediating upon the message this book conveys.
Reviewed by Nedine
of The RAWSISTAZ Reviewers
Book Description
"Beattie understands being overboard, which helps her throw best-selling lifelines to those still adrift." ----TIME Since the publication of Melody Beattie's groundbreaking book Codependent No More, millions of people have confronted the demons of codependency. And yet, many in recovery find themselves slipping back into the old ways that brought them such grief. In her newest book, Beattie helps readers understand what drives them back into the grasp of controlling behavior and victimhood--and what it takes to pull themselves out, to return to the healing, faith, and maturity that come with a commitment to recovery. Personal essays, inspiring anecdotes, and prescriptive reminders show readers how to stop acting out their painful obsessions. Marked by compassion and keen insight, Playing It by Heart explores the author's most intense personal lessons and shows readers that, despite setbacks, recovery is a lifelong opportunity for spiritual growth. In her many best-selling books, including Stop Being Mean to Yourself, Codependent No More, and The Language of Letting Go, Melody Beattie draws on the wisdom of Twelve Step healing, Christianity, and Eastern religions. Click here to read a one-to-one conversation with the beloved author of Codependent No More, The Language of Letting Go book and journal, Playing It by Heart, and 52 Weeks of Conscious Contact.
Customer Reviews:
Inspiring Real-life Story.......2004-10-04
It is amazing to read Melody Beattie's life story of her battle with addiction and destructive behaviors. She leads by example showing what she did to overcome her problems. I was truely amazed by what she went through. This is a wonderful Real life story for anyone struggling with addictions to read.
Prostitution, drugs, to fame in codependency research.......2004-01-21
Wow. When a friend lent me a copy of this book, I had to buy myself one. This is such a terrific addition to literature and I am so enlightened to have read it. I read Codependent No More over and over with a 1980s copy, and I never would have guessed what Ms. Beattie went through to get where she's at today. Prostitution so she could get drugs, rape from drugged stupors, her arm being photographed with all its needle marks and used to show school children the horrors of drug use -- the clinicians certainly never thought she'd amount to anything, but she learned codependency is the root of all addiction.
A wonderful read. It will make you cry! It did me. A lot of people, men and women, will see themselves in her story. It really makes a person appreciate how she knows so much about codependency and is such an authority. Personal experience, that's what she has to share. I love her meditation books, too. Such an inspiration and used in Codependents Anonymous meetings everywhere. Her books should be a must-read for high school students. She can help people before it's too late.
Her humor in the book is especially wonderful because with all she went through, it makes one wonder what she could find to laugh about, and her humor just further brings home what an astounding woman Ms. Beattie is!
An incredible story.......2001-08-29
Melody Beattie has a life story that I would never have imagined from Codependent No More. She has a powerful insight into how and why things happen and Playing It by Heart shows how she has truly "been there." This book was impossible to put down. It is one I would sincerely recommend to anyone who struggles with life, especially when addictions are involved. Her story was very encouraging and I am very glad to have found this book.
Inspiring anecdotes and prescriptive reminders.......2001-07-04
In Playing It By Heart: Taking Care Of Yourself No Matter What, Melody Beattie (author of Codependent No More) addresses the issues involved with why people who have struggled so hard to shake off controlling dysfunctional behaviors and victimhood fall back into self-destructive, self-diminishing situations and relationships. Through the use of personal essays, inspiring anecdotes, and prescriptive reminders, Beattie reveals how to stop acting out painful obsessions and shows that despite occasional setbacks, recovery is a lifelong opportunity for spiritual growth and a co-dependency free, gratifying, enjoyable life of accomplishments and relationships. Highly recommended for personal self-help, self-improvement reading lists and community library reference collections.
Too much history. Where's the advice?.......2001-06-05
I learned more than I wanted to about Melody's abused childhood and her life as a junkie. She goes into great detail about the crimes she committed and the miserable effects of her addiction. After painting such strong, striking, emotion-filled pictures time after time I expected her to draw some conclusions and parallels that I could use. No such luck. This is a long, tiring autobiography of a painful life, not a source for new elightenment.
Book Description
Breaking new ground in women's psychology, an exploration of the intricacy, friction, and love in the bonds between sisters.
Relationships between women are often freighted with a rocky mix of emotions—devotion and disregard, affection and loathing, admiration and envy—leading to anguish and confusion on the playground, in the home, and in the boardroom. A woman's experience negotiating her layered feelings toward a sister shapes her psychology as forcefully as do her relationships with her parents. By exploring sisterhoods, Terri Apter reveals their key role in understanding all relationships among women. In a series of compelling interviews, Apter considers the many aspects of the sister relationship from birth through adulthood. The need to fight to differentiate oneself from a sister, as well as the protectiveness one feels for that same person, is explained by reference to extensive psychological and biological evidence. Not only women with sisters will be enlightened by this original book: The Sister Knot sheds light on all relationships between women.
Customer Reviews:
enlightening and reassuring.......2007-03-16
a wonderful and fresh account of sisters' complex feelings, warm and funny and so helpful!
complex relationship.......2007-03-05
A thorough analysis of the complex relationship between sisters. Makes a good case for the differences between sister/sister, brother/sister and brother/brother bonds and conflicts. I especially like how she de-pathologizes the rivalry between siblings. Anyone who wants insight into the sister bond, and especially, I believe, parents of sisters would learn a lot from this book.
Get this one from the library.......2007-01-31
As a middle sister, I was excited to hear Apter's discussion about her book on NPR. Unfortunately, the best parts of the book were all covered by Apter in her book tour interviews, the book itself was anticlimactic.
Apter has conducted interviews with a number of sisters at various ages and stages of their lives. In the book she dissects the interviews and features tidbits to illustrate certain sibling theories well-known in the genre of psychological literature. This is all ground that has been explored before by other researchers and writers. I found the writing to be stilted and overly academic for a popular treatment of the subject matter. It would have helped for us to have a more thorough family background for the siblings quoted. As it was, Apter failed to interest me in whatever these people were saying, because I wasn't given much of a context for their comments.
I really cannot recommend this book for purchase. It would be best to get this one from the library, if you are interested in the subject matter.
Book Description
Students everywhere are harder to reach and teach, their attention and motivation less reliable, their language and behavior more provocative. This is largely because parents, suffering a widespread loss of confidence and competence, are increasingly anxious about their childrens success, yet increasingly unable to support and guide themand increasingly assertive and adversarial vis a vis the school. Examining these trends and their underlying causes, Evans calls for a combination of limits and leverage. At the policy level, we must rethink our notions of accountability, accepting the reality that schools cannot overcome all the forces that affect childrens lives and learning. At the schoolhouse, educators can improve their impact by clarifying and asserting purpose (core values) and conduct (norms for behavior), and by becoming more appropriately parental vis à vis students and parents. Evans outlines concrete ways to implement these measures, and closes with a reflection on ways to sustain hope and commitment in the face of unprecedented challenge.
"Too many Americans are eager to blame the media or teachers for their children's failure to learn. In Family Matters Rob Evans has the courage to tell the simple truth: parents in America are abdicating their responsibilities. They are not sending children to school who are ready to learn, and educators are being overwhelmed by the behavioral problems and emotional needs of under-parented children. In this persuasive and powerful book, Dr. Evans cuts through our national denial and offers both a hard-headed analysis of our parenting failures and realistic school-based solutions to these problems."
Michael Thompson, coauthor, Raising Cain and Best Friends, Worst Enemies
"In a brave and winning combination of information, analysis, anecdotes, and personal observations, Rob Evans makes a forthright, powerful case for renewed and respectful school-family collaboration on behalf of children."
Theodore R. Sizer, Coalition of Essential Schools
Customer Reviews:
A thoughtful, provocative commentary on the modern family.......2004-09-13
In this book, Rob Evans focuses clearly on troubles in families which interfere with childrens' readiness for school and learning. The book is filled with thoughtful reflections on how families have changed, with special attention to the many ways in which parents' energies have been drawn away from home and family. The book is thoroughly researched, extremely articulate, and a very entertaining read. Evans does not shy away from provocative assertions to support his diagnosis. He is a compassionate advocate for children and their families, and while he respectfully declines from offering simple solutions to complex dilemmas, parents will find much to use here, and educators at all levels will look at their challenges in a new light.
A well-written conservative screed.......2004-08-31
Evans discusses many of the pressing issues confronting teachers and parents in an interesting way. He pre-emptively admits that there is no "golden age" of parenting, and acknowledges the hard-won freedoms of last century. However, as the book goes on, it becomes clear that he blames student failure on the disintegration of the illusory 50s nuclear family in which the mother stayed home and in which there was somehow less stress and more time for nurture. Evans also consistently cites conservative theorists to back up many of his assertions. My own hard-won experience as a teacher and a parent (and as a child in the 50s, remembering how all the parents seemed much less concerned with nurturing than Evans thinks they were) convinces me that consumer culture rather than increased freedom has more to do with the troubles our students have than whether or not their mothers are working. Ultimately this book is a one-sided, if enjoyable, read, with some flaws in its reasoning.
Schools and Parenting.......2004-03-24
In Family Matters Rob Evans offers an insightful, respectful perspective of childrearing today and the resulting challenges faced by schools. Practical solutions are offered to benefit the social and emotional well being of our children and strengthen home-school partnerships. This book offers intuitive, essential information for both parents and school faculty.
Book Description
One secret to marital bliss is for a wife to love her husband the way God designed for her to love him—even with his shortcomings. God hasn’t called a woman to change her husband, but to focus on her calling as a wife. And the rewards for doing so are rich! Elizabeth provides valuable and practical insights on 12 key areas of a marriage, including...
- What it means to be a husband’s helper
- What submission is and isn’t
- Nurturing joy in your home and family
- Excelling in your work...and making time for fun as a couple!
This book can be used alongside A Husband After God’s Own Heart, or as a stand–alone volume.
Customer Reviews:
God's Plan.......2007-01-28
For a godly woman, the "ideas" in this book will not come as a shock or a way "to keep women in their place." It's God's plan that the husband should be the leader and the wife should be the follower. God has simply given us different roles through His word. It's not a big deal for those who hold God's will at the forefront of their lives. Ephesians 5: 22-24 reads "Wives submit to your own husbands , as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is ahead of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything." Then in Ephesians 5: 25, 28-29 reads "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it....So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church." For this Paul has been at times labeled a "woman-hater." However this is God's word as we see in I Timothy 3: 16-17 that "All Scripture is given by the inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work." That is God's plan for the marriage, and God's plan does not change with the times. It's absolutely imperative to understand what the Bible teaches not only on this subject, but in all things. Study God's word to know what the will of the Lord is, and please "enter by the narrow gate." Obedience to His word is key. How is your heart?
Checks and balances.......2006-12-06
The outline of the book is outstanding. It's a shame some people may misread and misinterpret much of what George is relating from her own life experiences. She could have spent more time and space reflecting on the Biblical guidelines for a happy marriage, as well as examples or illustrations from other people rather than herself. The whole issue of submission should not overshadow the role of the wife to provide a check and balance for success and happiness in a marriage.
Right On Track.......2006-08-16
I feel the need to defend this book a little bit, as it has been pretty well slammed by some other readers. Elizabeth George has a God-given talent for telling it like it is. The reason why several readers have negative feedback for this book, is that she tells the truth about what Scripture actually says. Wives ARE to submit to their husbands and be obedient them. Husbands are put in authority over their wives. In turn, the husband is to love the wife as Christ loves the Church. Of course husbands are not perfect and have their own flaws. A wife is supposed to be his help-meet, though and offer her own counsel in daily situations. It is not the wife's place to be the spiritual leader of the home, nor should the responsibility of providing for the household fall on her shoulders. Her congregation is her children and her pulpit the kitchen table. She should focus her preaching to the children, not her husband. All the time spent controlling him would be much better spent in prayer. I don't understand why so many women want to be so free of authority in their lives. If you have a problem with obeying your husband, than it's possible that your real beef is with God, since that is the way He designed it all to begin with. Read this book. It will help you get back to the basics of what being a wife is all about.
Find a better book.......2006-07-05
I had heard good things about George, so I though I'd give her book a try, but I could barely make it past the third chapter. I felt like I was reading the Complete Idiot's Guide to an Unrealistic, Cheesy Marriage. I found her tone condescending as I, the reader, was first called her "precious reading friend" and then was accused of having a "sometimes empty brain." And to give my husband a really fabulous day, she suggested I not talk at all the whole day...yes, she really said that. No thanks. There are a lot of other choices out there for books on biblical marriage. I think I'll keep on shopping.
Beware of bad advice.......2006-02-26
Although I am a very modern-thinking woman, I looked into Elizabeth George's work with an open mind, hoping to find insight behind the smiling face in the picture I'd seen so often. I was not only disappointed, but even offended by some of the advice she gave to wives. I believe very strongly that a wife should love, respect, and support her husband; I don't think anyone will disagree there. However, as far as I'm concerned, obedience has no place in a marriage on either side. Marriage should be a democracy, not a monarchy and certainly not a dictatorship.
George seems to believe that a wife's only place is consistently behind her husband, whatever he says. She even said that in order for marriage to be teamwork, the husband must be leader and the wife must be follower. That's not teamwork; that's the role of a sheep and a shepherd. Certainly God wants us to respect our husbands and value their opinions, but the idea of obeying a man and assuming he always knows what's best simply because he IS a man is incorrect. Men are human too, and no matter how great our hubbies are, we all know they're not always right. George has now long given me the impression of someone so caught up in her own bubble that she's forgotten how some things work in the outer world. If she wants to live in particularly heavy submission, that's her choice. What offends me is that she not only assumes that all women should live this way, but that God wants them to live this way.
George is a genuinely sweet woman, but her advice to be utterly submissive could be harmful for some and her sweet nature is partly what keeps people from realizing this. One woman assures us this book will change marriages, but if the change is that the wife obeys the husband 24/7, it's not a good one. There is NO place in the Bible were God says that wives should obey their husbands and submission is clearly meant to be mutual. If one-sided submission works for some couples, fine, but that's not the only way to have a Godly marriage.
As usual, there have been accusations that I and others have a problem with George because she tells the truth about Scripture; nope, not at all. God did not intend for men to control women; that extremely human idea came about only after the Fall when men began to ignore God and make their own rules. I have no problem with God's Word, only with people who twist it (I don't think George has twisted it, just exaggerated it) Making wives obedient followers will not fix the divorce rate in this country.
George is a good writer and many of her other books and works are encouraging to women. However, I obviously don't recommend this book, at least not for women who prefer to have a say in their households, but if you prefer to have your husband be in charge or just want advice on how to be loving, you may very well like it. All I ask is that you take it for what it is: a guidebook, not the Gospel. Obey God's Word; take or leave Elizabeth George's.
Books:
- Dragon Ball Z, Volume 26 (Dragon Ball Z (Graphic Novels))
- Dykes to Watch Out for
- Eco Deco: Chic Ecological Design Using Recycled Materials
- Essentials of Fire Fighting
- Facing Your Giants: The God Who Made a Miracle Out of David Stands Ready to Make One Out of You
- Fighting for Your Empty Nest Marriage
- Fired, Downsized, or Laid Off: What Your Employer Doesn't Want You to Know About How to Fight Back
- Frog and Toad Are Friends (I Can Read Book 2)
- Geek Love: A Novel
- Ghost Circles (Bone, Book 7)
Books Index
Books Home
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Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In
Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High
Getting Past No
Crucial Confrontations
Fierce Conversations: Achieving Sucess at Work and in Life One Conversation at a Time
