An Idiot Girl's Christmas: True Tales from the Top of the Naughty List

An Idiot Girl's Christmas: True Tales from the Top of the Naughty List
Average customer rating:

Failed to see the magic

A Kotex Christmas says it all!

nothing says Christmas like naughty girls

Great Idiot Girl Reading

Give this to yourself for Christmas!

An Idiot Girl's Christmas: True Tales from the Top of the Naughty List
Laurie Notaro
Manufacturer: Villard
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover

General | Biographies & Memoirs | Subjects | Books
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ASIN: 1400064368
Release Date: 2005-11-01

Amazon.com

Like her other titles, Laurie Notaro's An Idiot Girl's Christmas is a bon bon of a book--one that is so honestly observed that, if you are at work, you will find yourself sneaking in time to read it at your desk in the middle of the day, snorting with laughter. There are few writers who can nail the particular humiliation of, say, buying a box of tampons in a crowded store while a small cadre of punks makes unfortunate jokes behind you. Or who can let loose the funny fury of wrong-headed Christmas gifts, such as her mother's peculiar affinity for food-scented candles:

Always on my list is a scrumptious delicacy from my mother's favorite Wax Candle Baked Goods store. I don't know where my mother found a wax store that specializes in baked-goods and pastry candles, but she did. Good job Mom!…It's the perfect diet food, because biting into one is like biting into Jennifer Lopez's double-decker ass at Madam Tussaud's, kind of like sinking your teeth into a thick, dense bar of Irish Spring--without the flavor.

With some new and some best-of material (the venerable Jingle Bell piece about a Barney-obsessed neighbor is here), this volume covers many a family holiday at the Notaro household, with an amusing assortment of ill-adjusted siblings, in-laws, and that grand dame of dysfunction and buzz kill, Notaro's mother. Or at least the ever-so-lightly fictionalized version of Notaro's mother, who plays the foil to Notaro's perpetually underfunded, tortured, and sweetly Machiavellian self. The palpable and universal mother-daughter tension in their relationship is best mined in the chapter, "Oh Holy Night," or "The Year I Ruined Christmas," in which the n'er do well's daughter purse is lost, found, and returned home with a tire track across it and without Notaro herself:

"I was dead?" I asked my mother eagerly, trying hard to fight the urge to jump up and down in glee. "Oh my God. I can't believe it. This is fantastic. Did you cry?"

"Well, almost," my mother confessed. "But then again there was the relief of getting the second use out of your prom dress."

In the end, wit and clever revenge on dull party guests trump the rich, thin, and conventionally pretty girls every time. Notaro's Idiot Girl's Christmas is a holiday worth celebrating. --Megan Halverson

Book Description

IT’S LAURIE NOTARO’S HOLIDAY HANDBOOK.
PREPARE TO LAUGH YOUR TINSEL OFF.

It’s the most wonderful–and most dreadful–season of the year, when boxes of truffles attack your thighs, drunken holiday revelers stay long past their welcome, and your grandmother has conniptions at the department store over the price of hand lotion. Welcome to Laurie Notaro’s Christmastime.

In ten brand-new stories and three previously published favorites, Notaro shares the sidesplitting daily disasters of the holidays, like finding herself on emergency feminine product recon at midnight on Christmas Eve; surrendering to the inevitable Horrible Gift Parade by simply asking for holiday dish towels and giant white underpants from Sears; battling the morons in line at the Seventh Circle of Hell, otherwise known as the do-it-yourself craft store; and trying to live down her reputation as the Most Unfun Christmas Party Guest Ever, due to an unfortunate misunderstanding involving a fake overdose and emergency paramedics.

So whether you find yourself at the Dull and Smart Party or the Raucous and Stupid Party this holiday season, you’ll always know where to find Laurie–just follow the chocolate trail over to the cheese platter. She’ll be the one dialing the cops.

Customer Reviews:

Failed to see the magic.......2007-07-16

I did research for a light funny book for our book club and came across this book with outstanding reviews. The book was moderately funny at best. Yes it was an easy light read but nothing warranting 4 1/2 stars. Perhaps since this is the first of her books I have read it didn't have the same appeal. I would not recommend this book to anyone.

A Kotex Christmas says it all!.......2007-07-07

I loved this book just like I loved the others--my favorite standout is "A little Kotex Christmas," which was hysterical and will become a standard read during every holiday from here on out! Fantastic book!

nothing says Christmas like naughty girls.......2007-05-16

If you have a sense of humor, this is the book for you.

Great Idiot Girl Reading.......2007-04-11

Oh my goodness was this book a scream! For any girl who has ever felt out of place or a little dumb or tripped over her own feet this book is for you! Notaro says things I have thought over and over and this book made me laugh out loud, the first book to ever do that. I also recommend any of her other works. I feel like I'm having a stupid, enjoyable conversation with my oldest friend whenever I read her works.

Give this to yourself for Christmas!.......2007-03-05

I have read all of Laurie's other books and bought this as an early Christmas present for myself to help me get thru the stench of the holiday season. It's a fun read. I especially loved the one about taking Nana shopping and shared it with two friends of mine who are dealing with demanding, cranky mothers in their late 80s. Laurie you are working your magic and I cant wait til your new book comes out in May. Keep it coming!

Average customer rating:

Three out of Four Ain't Bad
3 out of 4 are good.
What a dissapointment this collection was!
Worth buying only for the Kleypas novella.
Hit and Miss Christmas Anthology

Wish List

Manufacturer: Leisure Books
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Mass Market Paperback

Anthologies | Romance | Subjects | Books

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ASIN: 0843951028

Customer Reviews:

Three out of Four Ain't Bad.......2007-08-14

I loved the final story by Lyndsay Sands. It was funny, witty, and quite a cute story. Don't expect steamy love scenes. Everything is very low key and hinted upon. The third story by Claudia Dain did not hold my attention at all. I was waiting for it to be over. Lisa Kleypas wrote a beautiful story of a sister's love for her brother. Lisa Cach's tale was nice as well.

3 out of 4 are good........2007-02-03

I always have high expectations with Kleypas and she didn't disappoint. Kleypas' story was by far the best of the four. I liked the characters and the chemistry between them was great. I would give her story 4 1/2 stars.

Cach is a talented writer. I like stories about average looking characters finding love. I thought that the romance was sweet and I liked the exchanges between the two main characters. I've never read any of her books, but after reading this sample, I probably would purchase one of her books. I would give her story 3 stars.

Dain's story is one of the worst in any anthology ever published. The characters and storyline were boring. I really struggled to finish the story. It was torture. I give it 0 stars.

The romance in Sands' story was cute. I liked the characters and the back story. I give her 3 stars.

What a dissapointment this collection was!.......2006-11-27

With all of the "big names" in this anthology, I expected to find at least one story that was worth reading and keeping. But to my dissapointment, none of them were.

I had high hopes for Lisa Klepas' story I WILL, given that it had won a RITA award. Reading this made me wonder what other awful stories this must have been up against, because I was so disgusted. Granted, Kleypas is talented, but she never seems able to refrain from doing something truly revolting with her characters. When the heroine basically rapes the hero while he's handcuffed to a bed, I was so sickened that this book almost flew across the room. Just because a man is physically aroused doesn't mean he should be ignored when he repeatedly says no. Forcing someone to have sex with you is rape, no matter who does it or under what circumstances. Now I remember why I no longer buy books by Kleypas; this isn't the first time she'd used the disgusting lie of romantic rape in her stories. One star for this story, only because no stars isn't an option on Amazon.

Lisa Cach's PUDDINGS, PASTRIES, AND THOU was more a story about the heroine constantly stuffing her face than it was about romance. Seriously, every time we encounter the heroine, she's pigging out on something. It was just ridiculous. Not only was she always eating (and I mean ALWAYS), but she was constantly using food as a comfort whenever something stressed or upset her. Can you say eating disorder? This is not romantic. And I read romance for a developing relationship, not to read about food. It could have been an interesting story about an poor gentlewoman hoping to marry so that she no longer has to rely on the grudgingly given charity of her relatives, but instead, it was just a story about a gluttonous woman chowing down on everything in sight. Two stars.

The next story was Claudia Dain's UNION. It was so boring. I couldn't get more than twenty pages into it. There are a ton of characters to keep track off, and none of them are at all interesting. Okay, so the basic story is that the heroine is coming out in society and needs to marry. Only, she has no wish to marry an English gentlemen. She considers herself Irish, and wants to marry an Irish man. Unfortunately, the heroine came across as more of a spoiled child than a woman I could cheer for. And the hero wasn't anything special. He was just taking up space. I never got to the "pitchcapping" torture scene (mentioned by another reviewer), but I'm glad I didn't, as I don't like to read disturbing, graphic violence that keeps me awake at night. Two stars.

Lynsay Sands' ALL I WANT had the most promise. In this story, the heroine is attempting to save her family from debtor's prison. Her father is gambling and drinking all of their money away and won't stop. Since women are not allowed in the gambling establishment, she dresses in her father's clothes and sneaks inside, determined to make her father listen to reason. But of course, her ruse is discovered and pandemonium ensues.

Seems interesting, but the author wasted her talent by falling back on the old romance cliche of "big brawny hero kisses the heroine to shut her up while they're having an argument" scene. And this is basically right after they meet. Arrrgh! I am sooo sick of this contrived scene. It's overdone, and stupid in the first place. As if any woman alive wouldn't smack a guy's face if he tried to do that to her. I will probably try one of this author's full-length novels, as it's obvious she has talent and could write an enjoyable book, if only that talent was properly used. But this novella was very dissapointing. Two stars.

Romance anthologies are usually a hit-or-miss situation. This one was a complete and total miss. There are far better Christmas romances out there. See my list "Christmas romance books worth reading" for a list of my keepers and re-reads. As for WISH LIST, I recommend that you either borrow it from the library, or skip it altogether.

Worth buying only for the Kleypas novella........2006-10-27

Out of the four stories in this anthology, the only one that makes it worth buying is Lisa Kleypas's story, "I Wish". She manages a wonderfully emotional story within the confines of a novella.

Lyndsay Sands's story has a great premise, and starts out well, but fades by the end. It's almost as if it were longer and she was forced to edit it down to the point that the ending seemed abrupt and unsupported.

The Lisa Cach and Claudia Dain stories were ok, but not memorable. In addition, Dain's story contains a flashback scene involving "pitchcapping", imagery which some readers may find disturbing .

Individually, my ratings for the stories are:

Kleypas: *****
Cach: ***1/2
Dain: **1/2
Sands: ***

Hit and Miss Christmas Anthology.......2006-06-12

First, I must say, it is extremely difficult to review an anthology. Usually, there are only 1 or 2 stories worth reading, and it's hard to rate a book because of this fact. Secondly, it must be very hard for an author to write a story that pulls the reader in, has likeable characters, and carries a good plot within 100 or so pages. However, a good author can accomplish this. This anthology is no different. Kleypas and Sands deliver with their stories, the other two authors are mediocre at best. Get this book at a garage sale, or check it out at the library. It is not worth the listed retail price because of the weakness of Cach and Dain's stories.

Kleypas - "I Will" - Lord Drake, a ne'er-do-well aristocrat, finds himself disinherited from his dying father's will. He gets the title and the lands, but not the money. He must convince (blackmail) respectable Miss Caroline Hargreaves to pretend a sham courtship, fooling his father into believing he has given up his dissolute lifestyle. Kleypas' characters are likeable, especially Caroline. Drake makes a good reformed rake, and the evil character is truly evil.

Cach - "Puddings, Pastries, and Thou" - Vivian Ambrose is a poor spinster, dependent on whichever relative needs her services. When her great-aunt, who treated Vivian as a lowly unpaid servant, dies, she is passed onto her distant cousins, the Twitchens. The Twitchens spoiled daughter, Penelope, immediately takes a dislike to Vivian, thinking Vivian will cause a pall to her first Season. However, this unlikely pair form a truce and agree that Vivian must be married off before Penelope's London season. Penelope has in mind Richard Brent, who has a scandalous past, making him ineligible for marriagable young ladies. Brent could have been written as an admirable hero of the story, but he is portrayed as someone who thinks too much about what others think of him. He appears to have a low self esteem, and is very self-conscious to the point of being pathetic. The author paints Vivian and Brent as two average to below average looking people who have colorless lives. Vivian is written as a woman with an eating problem. It's not difficult for this reader to predict that Vivian will be quite obese within the next few years, Brent may want to re-think his choice.

Dain - "Union" - Union was by far the worst story ever written in an anthology that I have read. Clarissa Walingford is being pressured by her many brothers to marry. She knows she must choose a groom, but she does NOT want to marry an Englishman. She wants to marry an Irishman, or at the very least, an Englishman who owns an estate in Ireland. Even though this is repeated several times through the story, Dain continues to batter the reader with the fact that Clarissa wants to live in Ireland. Okay, we GET that. She meets Henry "Beau" Wakefield, Lord of Montwyn. Beau, himself, is on the hunt for the perfect wife. At Lindley's, (Clarissa's brother), insistence, Beau meets Clarissa and decides immediately that she is the one for him. These characters are extremely unlikeable. Clarissa comes across as a selfish, spoiled, conceited brat. Beau is painted as an egotistical, arrogant, conceited nobleman. These characters deserve each other, the reader comes to hope that there was a pre-nup signed, for the marriage will not last. There will be too many people in it: Clarissa, her ego, Beau and his ego. I don't know what the editors were thinking to add Dain in this mix. If this story is a good representation of her work, I will not be buying any books from her in the future.

Sands - "All I Want" - Prudence Prescott's father is drinking and gambling his family into the poor house. All her mother wants for Christmas is for her husband to stop gambling, and Prudence's mission is to make this wish come true. She attempts to confront her father at his favorite gambling den, Ballard's, and meets the infamous owner, Lord Stockton. Needless to say, sparks fly - leading to a fun and hilarious story. I chuckled through much of this story - Sands has a great sense of humor. Prudence and Stockton are great characters, people who the reader will be rooting for all the way to the end. There is real chemistry between the hero and heroine. Great plot, good characters, good story. I will be looking for Sands' books from now on.

Average customer rating:

A Wonderfully Touching Book
A holiday classic

The Christmas List
Pete Nelson
Manufacturer: Thomas Nelson
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover

Contemporary | General | Literature & Fiction | Subjects | Books
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ASIN: 140160143X

Book Description

The uplifting conclusion of The Christmas List, a heart-warming account of the power of encouragement and appreciation, is based on a true story that circulated on the Internet. A nun told her fourth-grade students to write their names on a piece of paper and then pass the paper to the next person, who was to write a sentence of appreciation about the person named at the top. When the exercise was done, each student had twenty-four comments of admiration and appreciation - one from each classmate.

The Christmas List follows James Engler, who returns home to Iowa one Christmas, after his fiancee calls off their marriage, and discovers that his best childhood friend, Mike, has just been killed in the Gulf War. When Mike's parents reveal at a memorial service that Mike had carried his fourth-grade list with him, most of James's former classmates confess that they, too, kept their lists as a reminder, even in the worst of times, of their admirable traits and that they were appreciated.

James also renews his acquaintance with his former classmate Sarah, who wrote on his list, "You are a great guy and some day I'm going to marry." And she does.

Customer Reviews:

A Wonderfully Touching Book.......2005-05-03

I was in the bookstore browsing for something new to read when I came across this book. It touched my heart to read that children were asked to write something they liked about their classmates. This book should be required reading for all school children and their families so that they understand the importance of kindness, compassion and understanding of others. If children were introduced to writing something kind about their fellow students on a regular basis, they would only appreciate their friends and acquaintances even more. A kind word is never forgotten.

A holiday classic.......2005-02-09

I loved this book. I came across it in a local bookstore and picked it up not knowing what to expect but thought the premise sounded intriguing. First, Nelson is a first-rate writer who has created an incredibly moving and inspirational story without ever veering into sentimentality. James Engler and his family are such vividly drawn characters that I felt as though I'd spent the holidays with them. This is an ideal gift for anyone who likes a great story or needs a lift. The Christmas List will be a book that I will be sharing for years to come.

Average customer rating:

Charming Christmas Tale for Young and Old Alike
A Lesson in Naughty and Nice
Wonderful
Naughty or Nice?......

Peter Claus and the Naughty List
Lawrence David
Manufacturer: Doubleday Books for Young Readers
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover

Picture Books | Ages 4-8 | Children's Books | Subjects | Books

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ASIN: 0385326548
Release Date: 2001-10-09

Amazon.com

Each Christmas, Santa's son, Peter, has the unpleasant task of checking the lists twice to see who's been naughty or nice. Destined for his second stint on the naughty list, Peter questions the fairness of the system. Still, "I didn't make the rules," Santa says. "But you know what they are." Peter certainly does--but he doesn't have to like it. This year, he's taking matters (and the reindeer reins) into his own hands, and for the small group of perfectly nice Naughties around the world, this may just turn out to be a bountiful Christmas after all.

This original tale from author Lawrence David and illustrator Delphine Durand, the imaginative creators of Beetle Boy, celebrates those brave rebels who won't stand for injustice. Peter is no rabble-rousing scoundrel, though. He's just a goodhearted boy who occasionally goes astray. But, as his wise old dad says, "All people do naughty things once in a while. It can't be helped. Saying you're sorry is what matters most." Durand's quirky, stylized illustrations feature sausage-shaped dogs, TV remote-control wielding reindeer, and chip-off-the-old-block-shaped-dad Peter Claus, with endearing sticky-outy ears and blond Beatles-style hairdo. (Ages 6 to 11) --Emilie Coulter

Book Description

Naughty or nice? Peter Claus thinks this yearly question is most unfair. As Santa’s son, he should know. For the second year in a row his name appears on the dreaded Naughty List. That means no presents for Christmas! But Peter doesn’t remember misbehaving—at least not enough to deserve such a harsh punishment. Taking the reins to Santa’s sleigh, Peter rounds up all the naughty children the world over. He wants Santa to hear their side. Maybe then Santa will see that not receiving gifts at Christmas isn’t the fairest way to deal with kids who do bad deeds. Peter’s not sure if his plans will work, but he does know a lot of boys and girls need his help if they have any chance of waking up to a merry Christmas.

Customer Reviews:

Charming Christmas Tale for Young and Old Alike.......2003-10-06

What do I love best about this book? Is it the whimisical illustrations? The wonderful story? The infusion of myth and merriment into a charming tale that will please both young and old? All of the above!

This story is deliciously naughty and nice with Santa Claus' boy going to help the naughty children of the world explain their bad deeds, but along the way, he discovers something about his own naughty antics.

This should be heralded as a classic, right along with Rudolph and Frosty.

A Lesson in Naughty and Nice.......2001-12-20

This story about Santa's little boy, Peter, teaches readers a lesson about giving. Peter tries to help the naughty children of the world and helps himself as well. This Christmas story is entertaining while it teaches an important lesson about the true meaning of Christmas. It also teaches "naughty" children everywhere that there is hope for them if they do something nice for someone!

Wonderful.......2001-12-15

With a happily contorted version of the Santa Claus mythos, Mr. David has made a delightful story with a great outlook on human nature. This book is a perfect antidote for those who run screaming when being force-fed the mantra that 'Polar Express' is a modern Christmas classic. It avoids cliche, makes one laugh, and has the admirable quality of having likeable characters, including the independently-minded hero.

Naughty or Nice?.............2001-11-09

It was the part of the Claus family job, son Peter hated most, separating the naughty kids from the nice. He knew first hand what it was like to be on the naughty list, since he was on it last year. No presents under the tree. "Does it have to be that way? Can't naughty kids get gifts too?" Santa was firm. "I didn't make the rules. More nices than naughties and you go on the nice list and get lots of presents. More naughties than nices and you go on the naughty list and get nothing. That's the way my father taught me to do it when he was Santa, and the way his dad taught him." But to Peter, it just didn't seem fair. Santa didn't even know what those poor "naughty" kids did to get themselves on the list, in the first place. So late that night, he hitched the reindeer to the big sleigh, and set off on a mission to help those naughty children before it was too late..... Lawrence David has written a delightful holiday story with a gentle message about fairness, forgiveness and saying you're sorry, that won't be lost on young readers. His simple and straightforward text is beautifully complemented by Delphine Durand's charming and humorous childlike, geometric illustrations that are bold, bright, and wonderfully expressive. Youngsters will enjoy poring over the artwork and finding all the special little details in each picture. Perfect for youngsters 4-8, Peter Claus And The Naughty List is creative and original, a nice addition to your holiday picture book shelf, and a wonderful read-aloud story the entire family can share, discuss and enjoy together.

Amelia Bedelia and the Christmas List (Amelia Bedelia) (Amelia Bedelia)

Average customer rating:

Laugh Track
disappointing!

Amelia Bedelia and the Christmas List (Amelia Bedelia) (Amelia Bedelia)
Herman Parish
Manufacturer: HarperFestival
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

Humorous | Literature | Children's Books | Subjects | Books

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ASIN: 006051874X
Release Date: 2003-09-30

Book Description

Put Amelia Bedelia on your list!

What happens when Amelia Bedelia goes shopping for the holidays? She's got a list and she's checking it twice. But everything she needs to buy is a compound word. Amelia Bedelia compounds the confusion as only she can. Pull back the flaps to find out what her friends are really getting!

Customer Reviews:

Laugh Track.......2005-09-09

Amelia Bedelia, the world's most foolish maid has made another fine mess. This story seemed strained and forced. The Amelia series are predictable and it is like hearing the same tired joke repeatedly. In this case, the joke wasn't funny in the first place.

disappointing!.......2003-10-30

As a fan of Amelia's books for 20+ years, I was looking forward to reading this book to my eight-year-old son. I was disappointed in the book, though, and my son seemed to feel the same way. When we usually read Amelia books we both end up laughing at her silliness, but this book seemed to force the humor and ended up not being funny at all. My son did enjoy opening the flaps at first, but after the second one, everything just became too predictable. It was liking using the same joke over and over and over, and it got tiresome very quickly. I wish I could recommend this book to someone, but I can't. Go read the other Amelia books, but leave this one on the shelf.

Last Minute Christmas Gifts: Crafting Quick & Classy Presents for Everyone on Your List

Average customer rating:

Last Minute Christmas Gifts: Crafting Quick & Classy Presents for Everyone on Your List
Carol Taylor
Manufacturer: Sterling/Lark
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

Decorating | Crafts & Hobbies | Home & Garden | Subjects | Books

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ASIN: 1402701047

Book Description

These 60 great-looking, distinctive projects will solve your Christmas gift-list problem faster than Santa’s reindeer can fly. Some take only about 10 minutes, and you don’t need special craft skills or unusual materials. Pick up plants and potting soil to construct a living garden of succulents. Build a simple CD rack. Whip up herbal bath oil. It’s easy!

Average customer rating:

Bibliographical Check List of Christmas
Walter Klinefelter
Manufacturer: SOUTHWORTH ANTHOENSEN PRESS
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover
ASIN: B000PY6RNK

A bibliographical check-list of Christmas books,

Average customer rating:

A bibliographical check-list of Christmas books,
Walter Klinefelter
Manufacturer: The Southworth-Anthoensen Press
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Unknown Binding

A Bibliographical Check-List of Christmas Books. Compiled and Edited with an Introduction by Walter Klinefelter

Average customer rating:

A Bibliographical Check-List of Christmas Books. Compiled and Edited with an Introduction by Walter Klinefelter

Manufacturer: The Southworth Anthoensen Press
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover
ASIN: B000M7333C

Product Description

1937 Hardcover EXACTLY as described.

A BIBLIOGRAPHICAL CHECK-LIST Of CHRISTMAS BOOKS. With an Introduction by Klinefelter.

Average customer rating:

A BIBLIOGRAPHICAL CHECK-LIST Of CHRISTMAS BOOKS. With an Introduction by Klinefelter.
Walter - Compiler & Editor. Klinefelter
Manufacturer: The Southworth-Anthoensen Press,
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover
ASIN: B000MZ7OPM

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